Hed Kandi

Our whirlwind «Spring Break Puma Edition: N’awlins and Miami» was filled with great (and not so great) experiences.
And since I just returned from my trip yesterday, looking haggard and smelling like bourbon and mojitos, let’s keep this review basic, shall we?
Things I have:
— a phobia of mayo
— a dislike for words that are spelled incorrectly, like «hed» or «kandi»
— abandoned child complex
Things I don’t have:
— healthy self esteem
— freakishly long arms to reach behind the vip booths and retrieve my gold wristlet
— any desire to return to this place
Note to Management: Stripper poles in clubs are way 2008 — same goes for gladiator sandals and alcoholic celebs who don’t wear panties.

We took a cab over to this place around 2:30 am on a Friday night. There was no line, but we still had to pay a $ 20 cover since we weren’t on the list. Our friends were inside enjoying a bottle on the black leather couches to the left. It was very dark inside the club, about half full, with house music playing loud over the speakers. You had to get up in the face of the person next to you or yell if you wanted them to hear you. Our friends had finished their bottle, so my friend and I went to the bar for a drink because no waitress ever came around. My friend offered to buy me a beer, but they didn’t have or were out of what I usually order (Heineken Light or Amstel Light). I chose a Grolsch and my friend bought 4 shots to take back to the girls at the table. Somehow 4 shots and a beer came to $ 72 dollars, much to my friend’s displeasure. Ah well, welcome to South Beach right? I thought this place was okay but nothing to jump up and down about. I would go back if I had a good reason but wouldn’t make it a priority.

Miamians may be disappointed but this San Franciscan loved it!
Who doesn’t love a live saxophonist playing along to house music… and some air horns never killed anyone.

I have to say, my disappointment upon my first visit to this new entry to the crowded Miami Washington Ave. Club scene is in part due to the high expectations that I had for this one…
Hed Kandi was a sponsor of an event during Art Basel, which featured their signature interesting cocktails and creative edible treats, along with a great selection of chill house grooves by one of their dj’s. Because of my enjoyable first exposure to Hed Kandi Miami, and based on their successful line of music compilations, I was expecting a chill lounge scene with some good drinks, music and hors d’oeuvres!
However, after attending their opening night, it is clear that their goal is to be the next pretentious, loud, overpriced, attitude-​filled cookie-​cutter club (insert name here) with velvet rope in front along Washington. By the way, it wasn’t crowded inside, it was 9:00 on a Wednesday, but we were given the usual «Are you buying a bottle?» «No» «Are you on the list» «Yes» «OK, you’re on the list, please wait…» BS routine.
After finally gaining entrance, the club finishes were cheap, the bottle girls outfits pushed the line from sexy to a little too slutty, drinks were hit or miss – the bubble gum caipirinihia, served with a wad of bubble gum on the edge of the glass (I’m not making this up!), is an example of a drink that should never have made it out of the science lab.
After taking a look around and consuming a handful of the mysterious smoke covered popcorn, we made our exit. If I’m looking for club attitude, I’ll go to Set, where at least once you get in, you get a classy, beautiful environment with music delivered at a just the right volume level – loud enough to dance to, but not too loud where I lose my voice talking to the person next to me!

Hed Kandi is another addition to Miami’s club scene and has joined the ranks of Heathrow Lounge and others on Washington Avenue. Inspired by the European lounges and the Hed Kandi music brand, the South Beach spot hopes to convince Miami scenesters that Hed Kandi is here to stay.
I attended the grand opening party like Maria. I must agree that the door policy was awful. I have gone to many clubs across Europe and may have even attended some real Hed Kadni parties in my life. However, the door policy is all Miami. If you’re not sleeping with the doorman or wearing close to nothing, don’t bother going. You’ll be told to wait for hours in front of the door and then hassled by a bevy of security guards and list girls.
If you are one of the lucky few to make your way inside, what awaits you is an intimate setting with some cool light effects. This place does have potential as the food is exceptional. The drinks are cool and most are served with dry ice leading to a bubbling good time. The highlights was the Kobe beef sliders and the Hed Kandi tacos. I’m a big fan of the music but not of this South Beach spot. It’s another place where you can expect a lot of South Beach hoopla with no payoff.

We all know some places have tough door policies however, this was a little too much, so much so that I took away a star and then I thought well maybe it was a one time thing at the Grand Opening and that will change, hopefully…
Once inside you’ll notice the layout and lights, and then probably gravitate towards a table of friends or start your own as there is plenty of seating. Next on the agenda is probably ordering a drink. Wait. what the? hmm… confused about who the waitress is??? She is the young lady in that short, sexy, low cut, LBD, no not that one, no that one either, ok yes her that one. Think LBD meets PJs.
Since I was here for opening night I sampled some munchies and they were great. After all this isn’t an ordinary lounge, it’s a gastronomy and mixology lounge and that’s cool. I can say the shrimp and sliders were my favorite although the bruschetta wasn’t bad either.
The décor and construction isn’t the most glamorous but all in all in not bad and has the potential to be fun and a natural for hosting good parties, they just need to work on the door’s hospitality.