Funk-O-Mart

Pushy salesmen sold us an overpriced low-​quality piece of equipment. No refunds either, which means they probably know their stuff is of inferior quality and wouldn’t be able to sell it again if they got it back. Just don’t go here. Shady place and bad business.

I discovered Funk-​o-​Mart when I first moved to Philadelphia around 2 years ago and had begun my search for a decent second hand record and CD shop. It sits on Market street in a basement location, and the outside really gives you little to no indication what’s going on inside. One gets the impression that it’s just one of many generic indie electronics stores scattered across the city; the type that over-​price off-​brand crap and sell it to people who don’t know any better. And one would be half right…
Once you go downstairs, one side of Funk-​o-​Mart is exactly as described above. I have never done any business on this side of the store, but if you’ve seen a place like it, you’ve seen them all.
The other side, which I get the impression is run completely independently from the first side, is a second hand record/​CD shop. It is run by a Hispanic fella in his late 30’s/early 40’s. And depending on how you look at things, it is either absolute Heaven, or total Hell.
The Heaven part comes from the selection: if you are interested in vintage rock, pop and R&B 12″ vinyl — particularly singles — this place has it ALL. From Aha to ZZ Top and back again, they have the rare promo 12″ or remix CD single you’ve been looking for. Another plus is that a good 75% of the stock is actually sorted by artist/​genre — albeit by FIRST name. A lot of record stores just have massive stacks of records in no particular order.
Now comes the downside, and it’s a doozy. What you get in selection, you pay for. Big time. The guy who runs the place seems to have been some kind of a DJ of some kind, and this stuff all seems to come from his personal stock. I don’t know if he’s living in a kind of delusional world, or if he’s just desperate to turn a buck because this is his livelihood, but his prices are outrageous. The average 12″ single is around $ 7.99, usually with others at $ 9.99 or $ 14.99.
Now being a 15+ year collector, I know how much things are worth. And most of these singles that he has, even in great condition, would sell between $ 0.99 to $ 2.99 at your average record shop. And most of this guy’s records are in pretty more condition. Besides the more than average wear to the sleeves, most of the sleeves have been taped shut at the edge, which is not really removable without damaging the sleeve further.
Another drawback is that the guy seems to be kind of a compulsive liar; either that or he’s, as I said, really and truly delusional about the value of his stock. A good example is: today I asked if he had any Cyndi Lauper items in. He took me to a section and tried to convince me that her greatest hits album «12 Deadly Cyns… and Then Some» was a highly collectible and sought after item. It is, of course, incredibly common (selling over 4 million copies worldwide.) It’s the kind of thing you’d find in the dollar bin.
I went in today having not been back in over a year because the last time I went I spent so much money. I consoled myself by reasoning that if I had bought the stuff on eBay, I would have had to pay a hefty shipping cost anyhow… I decided to only buy one CD, and the guy actually asked me why I was only getting one item. I decided to be honest with him about it, and he was very friendly and said he was a reasonable guy who would be willing to cut me a deal.
So I picked out a very small stack of items that, as priced, came out to $ 65.90 before tax. He rang it up and then actually said to me — I’m not kidding — «With the deal I’m giving you this comes up to about $ 65.00 but I’m going to bring it down to $ 60 for you.» SO basically he gave me 8% off and didn’t charge tax. I guess that does come up to about $ 10 off, but the truth is I felt icky after leaving.
Also, he was having a conversation with someone else while I was shopping, and he was saying the «f» word so much I literally started counting at one point just for fun. 37 times in less than 3 minutes. I mean… I don’t actually CARE, but maybe don’t bring your toddlers here while you’re browsing.
So here’s the bottom line: if this type of collecting is your thing, the guy at Funk-​o-​Mart has all the stuff that the other record stores in town don’t seem to have. It’s all drastically overpriced, but since you can’t find it anywhere else in town, and you would probably pay $ 6 in shipping per record if you bought the same items for 99 cents on eBay, it’s worth checking out. Just don’t get your hopes up.