The Bistro

Grrrr-​arrgghh, need chips. Grrr — arrrghhh, this place has lights on. Grrr-​aarrrrgh, take my money. Grrrr — arrrrgggh, nothing special.
Zombie review of Glasgow takeaway. Hey, it’s topical, I’m sticking with it!

Sadly, I have to admit that I go through phases of being something of a regular here. It is perfect for when you stumble out of a nearby pub — nice ‘n’ sleazy being one of my favourites — and need something carb and fat filled to soak up some of the booze in your belly before bed.
To this end, I have gotten chip and cheese out of here many a time. I realise, this is not exactly a gourmet dish or requires hours of cooking. However, you’d be surprised by just how many places can get it wrong. Not this one. No, they serve a massive (and reasonably priced) chips and cheese that are tasty, filling and make waiting on the bus go that bit quicker. I can also let you know that the pakora is particularly good, although I’d avoid burgers and kebabs. Please do bear in mind however, that I’ve only ever eaten out of here around 2am while swaying.
It’s not a bistro, it’s a late night takeaway, But for what it is, you get: a good stodgy selection at decent ish prices; good service the and friendly staff (especially considering the amount of drunken abuse they must have to endure).

The name «The Bistro» is so far off base that you may well find yourself wondering in here and enquiring, «where is the dining room?»
Which, I’m afraid, would only result in the staff returning a bewildered look and probably a couple of raised eyebrows.
What I’m trying to say is that The Bistro isn’t exactly what you’d expect. It’s a kebab shop. With all the usual chippy food: pizzas, burgers, donner kebabs and pakora. It’s excellent after a night out, of course, but not for a candle lit dinner.
But hey, at least we’ve saved you the disappointment.

The bistro eh, it gives visions of soft lighting, candles shoved in wine bottles, some nice jazz in the background, and dining with your sweetheart as you let the minutes drift into hours, soaking up the romantic ambience.
Sadly it’s just a kebab shop, and the closest you’ll get to a romantic ambience here is a couple of alcopop fuelled youngsters sharing a donner and chips before heading up an alley to increase the teen pregnancy statistics. Usual fare, kebabs, burgers, pizzas etc, and probably best to visit earlier in the night when it’s quieter.