Express Takeaway

It was a normal take away with expensive prices, however I am sure that I ventured in when they had pulled out the 10.30 menu where everything seems to go up a 20 pence or two. This does happen believe me.
I had pakora even though i wasn’t really hungry, it was pretty expensive for deep fried potato/​onion stuff. Tasted fine nonetheless and in theory might have been better if I was really hungry.
However, nothing really stands out about this place at all.

In attempting to not hastily or rashly give a one-​star rating here I racked my brain for any possible positives. Here goes: the staff were not unfriendly/​rude/​insert-​negative-​adjective-​here. That being said, they weren’t friendly/​welcoming/​insert-​positive-​adjective-​here either.
I asked for a single fish as I didn’t quite have enough shrapnel for a supper and was immediately disappointed to see the man pull a small, breaded something from the freezer. Let’s start here. Only ‘special’ fish is breaded, regular fish is battered. Also, considering it was no cheaper than any other take away I was disappointed that I was paying to have what could have come from a tesco value bag of frozen fish fingers shoved on a grill.
If I thought that perhaps the fish would have some flavour despite its appearance and preparation (I didn’t; it didn’t) I would have been further disappointed. The only flavour was from enough salt to mummify a small rodent and the vinegar that the fish was quite literally swimming in. Well maybe not literally, at least I hope the freezer killed whatever was inside. Floating is a more apt word.
I have to point out that the pakoras looked more reasonable and perhaps it is just the fish that this place fails to deliver on, but unfortunately they shot themselves in the foot by serving such low quality fish because I won’t be coming back to see if the other items are better. Everything was unsatisfactory including the drunk accosting people outside, and then inside. (I know that isn’t their fault but it added to my displeasure.) My first, and hopefully only, one-​star.

You know the score: you’ve just finished your nightly dancing and drinking ritual, and in your slightly inebriated state you decide to stumble in here on your way home for some grub.
It does everything you could want from a fastfood takeout. Chippy-​style foods, pakora, and kebabs. Taste will depend on what and how much you have drank.