Long Branch Saloon

The LongBranch Saloon offers prettily plated food, which will be a pleasant surprise if you are used to just the mom-​and-​pop restaurants nearby. It feels out of place, like it should really be somewhere on Market Street in downtown San Francisco. In its immediate neighbourhood, for late night drinks it is basically the only game in town and you will find the pub area pretty busy.
For the late night small-​bites menu, the kitchen closes 11pm or 11.30pm on weekends.
I don’t drink, so I was obviously in the wrong place — remember that as you read this review. But I had spotted «fried cheese curds» on the menu and was curious enough to try that and the other items.
Grapefruit Juice ($ 4)
— A rocks glass (?)
of grapefruit juice not fresh-​squeezed and obviously with ice in the tumbler. Felt stupidly expensive.
Fried Cheese Curds ($ 5) fresno chile jam, tomato chile sauce
— A mere four pieces of what looked and tasted like mozzarella in some kind of crust, pan fried or deep fried to a golden brown on the outside, and melty on the inside.
— Each piece of cheese was not very big, about the size of a matchbook. Eat this immediately before it cools too much and the cheese starts to harden and lose its stringy fun.
— Price felt okay for this sort of prettied up establishment and food, and considering it is an appetizer (which are typically more expensive than a filling-​portion main, supposedly in exchange for appetite-​whetting tastiness).
Potted Pork Trotter ($ 8) pork, cinnamon, cumin, roasted shallot served with pickled radish, grilled levain
— This was $ 6.50 on the online dinner menu but $ 8 on my 9 PM bill — more expensive after dinner service?
— The pulled pork came in a small glass pot (about a half cup worth?). Reminded me of pork rillettes, but served hot so there’s no congealed lard
— Simple and crunchy-​crispy flatbread to go with it. Be generous with the pork and you’ll have just enough flatbread.
— Optional mustard on the side. Use this only if the pork feels too fatty to you, and in any case use sparingly to not overwhelm all other flavours.
— Token amount of salad (like 2 tablespoons?) with mandarin orange slices.
The late night menu is basically appetizers and the two I had amounted to less than a light dinner. Combined with the pricey drink it was a depressing $ 20 after tax and tip. For that kind of money, you can have more food for breakfast in Berkeley, so what you are also paying for here is the fanciness of the food. Don’t go to LongBranch Saloon just for food or late-​night eats: Go to drink alcohol.
Something very annoying and inexplicable was that they refused to seat people late at night in their dining room area but instead packed everyone in the pub area. The pub area features long communal tables and less-​than-​one-​foot-​wide counters against the walls whereas the dining room has sit-​down eating tables which might be nicer for small groups — but they wouldn’t seat me there late at night even if it’s basically empty (anyone who’s there was probably left over from a later dinner seating?).
Also, don’t expect the communal table to facilitate socializing at all unless you make the first move.

RJ and I have been to the Long Branch half a dozen times. It’s a perfectly fine dive bar, booze, pool table and a good old fashion,” I’ve been drinking for 12, 775 consecutive days and today’s 12,776″, spirit.
The handle bar moustache owner is usually eager to tell you anything he thinks you want to hear. Tales of soon to be installed large flat screen TVs for the upcoming football season are my favorite. Like anyone with a handle bar moustache, he twirls it, a lot. Somehow affiliated with nearby Lunardi’s Meat, Mr. Moustache offered us salami being sliced by who I’m fairly certain is his wife. The process in which the salami was being desecrated reminded me of a time growing up when my best friends little brother cut down a neighbors tree with only a small hand axe. The tree fell and the salami was cut but in both instances the danger and unnecessary mutilation caused by a lack of skill and ill appropriated tools created a queer uneasiness, not to mention questions as to their mental make-​up. Of course Salami is delicious and even better when paired with cedar cheese. There are no draft beers. Bottles of beer are served from a enormous white cooler not unlike the ones sold at Costco. The Long Branch has some cool memorabilia, most notable are the 60’s and 70’s era Oakland Raider helmets behind the bar. It was an exercise in temptation one afternoon as the entire bar emptied to the back parking lot to see the latest in pirated Oakland A’s and Raider’s t-​shirts being pedaled from the trunk of a Cadillac. How easy it would be to grab the helmets and walk out. It would be days before anyone would notice they were gone. If by chance someone saw us there was no one fast or sober enough to catch us. Luckily RJ was the voice of reason and reminded me we’re cops. Last time I was there the helmets remained.
If for nothing else you need to go to the Long Branch just to see and chat with the owners wife. Bell, Biv, Devoe once sang, «Never trust a big butt and a pretty smile». If you take life’s cues from Bell, Biv, Devoe as I do, under no circumstances should anyone put their confidence in this women. — Puddingstone

i asked the bartender what kind of draft they had.
she replied: «bud, bud light, mgd, heinken, etc.»
me: «where is it?»
bartender: «it’s behind me» turns around, looks at the inoperative draft nozzles and tells me, «they’re in bottles»
me: «i’ll have a gin tonic (4)»
she then proceeded to make it with tonic water from a plastic bottle.
the gin tonic came in a large drinking glass and was pretty weak. got a mgd (3) and the beer wasn’t that cold.
there’s a pool table here surrounded by a wooden corral. there’s also a dart board in the corner and a gaming catch-​em machine where you grope for prizes with a steel arm. there’s a group of friends and family who seem to see this place as their 2^nd home.
me? i feel like the 3 fish swimming in the darken fish tank wth the two large abalone shells.