Verizon

Terrible customer service! you will be much better off ordering online or over the phone. I will never walk into this store for anything!

Visiting a Verizon Wireless store has become the consumer retail equivalent of a trip to the DMV; your first trip there is filled with excitement, expectation, and joy. On your first trip to either of these establishments, you are poised to leave with something that very soon crosses the line from luxury to necessity — a first cell phone is much like a first license. Subsequent visits however tend to be more lackluster. As you begin to realize how unhappy and incompetent the employees are, and how you really don’t have any other option (Thanks nearly-​illegal service contracts!), these visits can be a real chore.
Today however, I actually CHOSE to go to this Verizon Wireless store. I was finally up for an upgrade, so down to hell I traipsed. I asked my salesperson (a portly gentleman whose fancy swiveling iPad glove thingy had me rather entranced) if they had any 64GB iPhone 5s in stock. He was kind enough to dig through a recently received shipment and found one, in black. Perfect!
I paid for my fancy expensive phone. PG (portly gentleman) asked me, «So what kind of case are you going to buy?»
I responded, «I’m not going to buy one. I don’t like cases.»
«You’re brave,» he responded.
«No, just careful,» I retorted.
«Screen protector?» he asked.
«No thanks, I don’t like those things. I’ll be fine, thank you.»
PG left the phone in the box and asked, «You have wifi at home right? Do you want to set it up there with iCloud?»
Knowing the process would take a while, I told him yes, took my phone and happily drove away.
Once at home, I proceeded to set up my new iPhone via iCloud back-​up. I opened the box and followed all the on-​screen prompts without taking the phone out of the packaging, INCLUDING not removing the protective film over the glass screen. When it had finished, I picked it up, and pulled off the front film.
Being an avid Apple fanboy, you can image how dismayed I was to find a light, shallow, one-​inch scratch on the glass of my presumably pristine iPhone screen. I immediately called the Verizon store. When asked by the clerk to identify my salesperson, I told him «the chubby guy in the NorthFace jacket.» The clerk said, «That’s Adam.»
(Honestly, I can’t recall his actual name. It may or may not be Adam. The description however, is dead on.)
Adam said to hold, he was with a customer, and that he had to talk to his manager and would call me back. I waited for almost an hour, then decided I would just drive back up there.
When I walked in, Adam and an even chubbier gentleman of higher ranking (The Manager) met me on the sales floor. Our conversation proceeded as follows.
Me — «Hey man. Look, right here. The scratch is really light and shallow, I know it sounds like a quibble, but I just hate that I paid over $ 400 for a scratched phone.»
Adam (looking at phone) — «I don’t see a scratch…»
Me — «It’s right there, on the bottom left side. It starts at the edge of the glass and curves down, ending right above the „Mail“ icon.»
Adam — «I don’t see it. Todd (making that name up, too), do you see it?»
Todd — «No I don’t. I see a smudge.»
Me — «So you guys really don’t see it? I can see it from here.»
They both shake their heads
Me — «Is there an employee here with better eye sight that confirm that I’m not making shit up?»
Adam — «Todd is the manager.»
A position, one can only assume, he acquired after eating the previous manager whole.
Me — «I’m sure you guys have an insurance policy for damaged goods that you receive in the store, right? This was shipped with a scratch on the screen.»
Todd — «This is why we encourage all of our customers to buy screen protectors.»
Me — «What F#&@ING good will that do if the screen already has a F@^$ING scratch on it?»
Then, I was asked to leave.
So I left.
While I understand that the employees here deal with an unfathomable amount of assholes, degenerates, and people looking to return phones that they negligently scratched, I called the sales person IMMEDIATELY upon finding the imperfection, and they had already decided that it was my fault.
Luckily, I charged this on my Discover card, which carries a $ 500 Damaged Purchases insurance clause.
Skip this store.
Buy online.
They will eat you.

This story is about a boy who relied so heavily on his Blackberry that he couldn’t live without it. The BB was always with the boy, and they loved each other. One day the BB told the boy it needed an update. The boy, only wanting the best for the BB, quickly updated it.
The boy and the BB traveled to Texas to visit family shortly after the update. After arriving the boy began to reply to an email when the BB cried out. «Error, return to place of purchase». The boy was devastated. What would he do? He was far from home and could not survive without the BB by his side.
Fortunately for the boy, this Verizon location was close by. The friendly staff were sympathetic to the boy’s plight, and promptly exchanged the bricked BB for a like new BB.
The boy was happy, if only for a brief time. The boy was lured away by the temptress Droid X. The boy quickly discarded the BB for the new model.
The moral of the story? I’m not sure, but I do know that this Verizon location rules.