Tait’s Parkway Cleaners

One of the advantages to moving around a fair bit in a city is that you get the opportunity to find little local businesses that do certain things REALLY well.
The downside is that when you move 45 minutes away, giving up those places because of convenience leaves a certain void in your life (and perhaps wardrobe, as you’ll soon learn.)
In some cases, you simply don’t give them up, and rearrange your schedule and life to still be able to patronize them. Those are the best kinds of businesses.
Taits Cleaners is one of them.
The reason is simple: «Sasha’s Principle.»
In case you haven’t heard of this law (and you probably haven’t), «Shasha’s Principle» states that:
«The probability of dribbling red wine or marinara sauce on your clothing is directly proportional to the cost of the garment or esteem of the designer on the label.»
There is a second principle involved as well. And that’s called «Sasha’s Second Law of Attraction.»
That principle states that:
«Once Sasha’s first law is met, the probability of a garment attracting future stains increases exponentially for each additional instance of defilement.»
You can now see how important it is to have a very trusted dry cleaner that you can turn to when Sasha’s Principle hits. And for me, it seems to hit far too often.
That’s why I am willing to rearrange my entire schedule and driving patterns to bring my beloved victims of Sasha’s Principle from Birmingham down to Plymouth to let Taits make them pristine again.
Having had some unfortunate experiences with other cleaners, there’s a very good reason I leave my babies with Taits.
I won’t name names, but a few years ago I was pressed for time and dropped off a black silk Armani jacket with a small stain at one of the local «Izing» chains (hint, hint.) They got the stain out all right, but based on the giant worn area on the front of the jacket, they apparently accomplished the task with a wire brush and capful of bleach.
$ 1,200 dollars down the drain. Even Goodwill wouldn’t take that jacket.
That was the last time I ever cheated on Taits.
There has never, ever, been a time when Taits hasn’t been able to remove a stain to my satisfaction.
Got some lipstick on that white Gordon Gecko collar you don’t want your girlfriend to see? No problem. Taits will erase the evidence.
Barf on your Prada dress after one too many martinis? Pick yourself up, fix your hair, make a beeline to the taxi, and ship it off to Taits the next morning. All will be well.
If Monica Lewinsky had taken her blue Gap dress to Taits, maybe Bill Clinton would have never be impeached, the tax-​payers would have been saved millions, and Presidential B.J.s would still be the stuff of adult films, instead of headlines on the front page of the NY Times.
Betcha’ didn’t think a good cleaner could save so many reputations.
While I have NEVER had any of these unfortunate events happen to ME, it’s nice to know that if did behave badly, there is someplace I can go that will clean up after me. And I call that «service.»
Last spring, I brought them a vintage white Chanel suit with a six year old red wine spot on the lapel and they turned it back over to me looking like new. I thought for certain it was a goner. I cringe to think what they are using to undo my foibles … but I’m glad they have it. I really loved that suit and am happy I can still wear it.
Understand, I don’t take all of my routine dry cleaning to Taits, simply because of the distance. For average, run-​of-​the-​mill dry cleaning, the local places will do. But for stains, I always, always, always suck it up and make the trek to Plymouth.
Simply put: Taits has never failed me. The service is fantastic, the stains disappear and I get to regularly flip «Sasha’s Principle» a well-​manicured middle finger.
Best of all, my hard-​earned wardrobe stays intact for another day.
Who could ask for more?
P. S. Did I mention they have lollipops (specifically Dum-​Dums) in a little basket at the counter? VERY handy if you want to turn up the Lolita thing during a date. Just sayin’ …