Pizza Patron

Can’t beat the prices here. Parking a little scary. The pizza was great for the price. Good for hungry teens

Actually the $ 3.99 pizza from Pizza Patron looked pretty darn good when I opened the box. It was hot but I noticed immediately, no pizza aroma! Adequate amount of pepperonis and cheese and the crust looked good too but had absolutely no flavor… none! Like a generic pizza. Possible imitation cheese, pepperonis, sauce and dough. I sprinkled copious amounts of garlic salt/​powder and crushed red peppers all over it to give it some flavor. I guess if you don’t mind doing that it’s worth $ 3.99. Prob better to go across the street to Little Caesar’s for $ 4.99! The star is for me and my seasoning additions! Haha Could give another star for convenience but parking is bad!

NOT impressed at all. I have had frozen pizza which is better. There is a lot better pizza out there then this place. If you value a clean, nice atmosphere with quality tasty food. Then run to another pizza place and don’t look back or go to your local Safeway and purchase a frozen pizza it will taste a little bit better.

==A Slice Of You==
A romantic comedy by Jetta
(The dimly lit pavement of a strip mall parking lot. JETTA, a glamazon in her early twenties, stares longingly into the night. An alluring ingénue with a dark and questionable past, she shivers in 90 degree night, tears forming in her eyes. Behind her is PIZZA PATRON, a tall, fedora-​wearing gentleman. He sports a mustache that doesn’t play by the rules. JETTA knows he is behind her.)
JETTA
I’m sorry. I just can’t.
PIZZA PATRON
Why can’t you let me love you, Jetta?
JETTA
Because there’s nothing left of me to love. I’ve been burned before. Lured by promises of reasonably priced large one-​toppings and hearty, flavorful hot wings. Only to be given hot plates of garbage and crunchy and disturbingly misshapen wings of what I can imagine were once, long before growth hormones, in fact chickens. I don’t known if I can trust you.
PIZZA PATRON
But I’m not like the others.
JETTA
They all say that. I like you, PP. I like your logo depicting a Federale whose about to cut me open and empty my stomach of all that cocaine I spent all morning stuffing in. I like how you scream «PIZZA PATRON!» at the top of your lungs to me whenever I step in the store. I like your queso sticks and chorizo-​topped pizza. I even like how you accept pesos in lieu of dollars, no matter how many shithead right-​wingers boycott and protest your storefront. Don’t you see? I like you. If I open my heart to you, I could risk hating you. Can’t we just settle for «like»?
PIZZA PATRON
What would be the point? Why offer a 4.99 large one-​topping if the box isn’t going to litter your living room floor. Why offer lime and pepper-​flavored chicken wings if I can’t know that somewhere, it’s you’re lips sucking the meat off the bone? Don’t you see, Jetta? Without you taking advantage of my ridiculously underpriced food, there’d be no reason to make it in the first place. I don’t know how else to say this–
JETTA
Shhh. You had me at «$ 4.99 one topping».
(The two embrace. Music plays dramatically in the background.)
Somebody put a stop to me. Please.