Saturn Bar

Stumbled upon a great show here the other night when a local band played their last home show. The band sounded great and my friends and i enjoyed the cheap but strong drinks

Sometimes it smells so gutter punk in here it’s hard to stand. But most of the time the dance floor is popping and good times are always had. Drinks are cheap, bartenders are fast and don’t want any funny business. The special occasion parties are the best… I most recently celebrated David Bowie’s bday here right before his death and it was a magical time!
Bywater staple, been here for years, not going anywhere soon!

I don’t even know what a «hipster haven» is, so when someone mentioned that this is what Saturn Bar is, I was pretty clueless. I’m still not even sure what the definition of a hipster is, but I digress.
I have been here a few times for the dance parties that they have. They are always a lot of fun and DJ Matty has really good taste in songs and always plays stuff that gets the crowd excited. This is just one of those places I don’t frequent very often, because I will only go with a group of people and never by myself and it’s hard to find people who want to come here and just dance.
The bathrooms are pretty rough, but the dance floor is spacious and the upstairs area is neat for getting a little space to yourself and just observing the crowd. The staff here is always friendly and the people who hang out here are pretty cool.

This may have been my favorite bar that I visited while in NOLA, and I think that was mainly due to all the great people I met while I was there. It’s a dive with maybe a loose nautical theme and great music. There was a second room with a balcony going around the perimeter that I was too drunk to understand– no one was back there, and it sort of looked like a storage area in someone’s old house. We made friends with some locals and all hung out elsewhere afterwards into the early morning. They have t-​shirts and wall calendars that make for cool mementos to bring back. Some of the worst bathrooms I’ve ever taken a leak in ( Unilocal actually removed the photo due to offensive content, so there ya go).
ETA: Holy crap, I recognize the murals on the wall now. The Valparaiso Mens Chorus, their album cover for the Straits of St. Claude is from the art on the walls.

The other reviews have made it clear that this is a dive with a lot of sweat and loud music. There is not a whole lot to add to that. You don’t get a 5 star rating off of that, even if that is what you are really into.
The staff sometimes has an attitude that is off putting, but it is understandable. They work hard at weird hours and deal with all sorts of terrible people. Once a manager of sorts tried to keep me out by asking me some math questions. Probably thought I was too drunk to come back in (a fair concern) even though I was only about one drink in at that point. Nothing big, but it was annoying. The flip side is that I am glad they are keeping their eye out.
You come here to get drunk, dance a lot and probably make out with someone you do not know.

I love to dance so this is a review of the Mod night only.
Mod night is a once a month dance night that turns this neighborhood dive bar into a 60’s era shindig. My girls and I love to get dressed up and made up to the nines only to be drenched in sweat after a night of hard drinking and dancing. The dj’s know what they’re doing and the energy is just insane. The bartenders are good, and if its a super busy night you do have to wait a bit. One time I was waiting 5 minutes to get a drink only to have my fav song come on and have to make a b line to the dancefloor and then get back in line and wait another 5 minutes. Loses half a star for that, and another half for the bathroom wait. Other than that its usually a can’t miss!

This is a bar for kids and punkers. I enjoyed it for nostalgia’s sake but give me Jimmy’s (Woodlawn Tap) in Hyde Park over this dive anytime. This is for the under 30 crowd in my opinion.

It smells like cat piss, the cat’s mean and I’m 99 percent sure it’s haunted. Pass on this place and head up the road to that other bar with the moose on the wall.

This is God’s dive bar (or the Devil’s). Well worth it for hipster types and music fans. Take taxis for safety’s sake. Ancient décor and strange appurtenances upon the walls.

Kind of strange but awesome dive bar with occasional dance parties. This is where you meet the hot hipster chicks. And yeah, they’re going to be sweaty. So what.

Cooly Unique New Orleans Dive-​Bar. Like it? Yeah !

This place is awesome. Little neighborhood punk rock dive bar. Friendly locals, good reasonably-​priced drinks, and good shows every once in awhile. I love this place.

As much as enjoy this place I wish the powers that be would do some minor maintenance on some of the furniture. Like add a screw or two to the table tops to hold them in place so they don’t swivel, put a reclaimed cushion or two on the leopard (?) couch/​car seat, pick up some curb side chairs that have backs on them.
Last night when I was there a bar stool leg fell off for want of a wood screw and the back of another fell off for the same reason. Should I mention the chairs (3)up in the balcony? The one with no back to it or the one with only one of two arm rests left on it?
I’m all for «flavor» but come on!!! You don’t see me complaining about the floor that hasn’t seen a mop since Christ was a carpenter.
Yes, I’ll keep coming back but I’ll bitch a little till Uncle Sam takes that freedom away from me.
By the way, thanks Saturn for having DJs Matt, Mitch and Pasta back. They really spin some great oldies.

Diviest of the dive bars, in a good way! Bad art, cheap drinks, crazy locals who wanna buy you a beer (yes, please), tattered seats, creepy bathroom facilities and FABULOUS swag.
Sure, I own the t-​shirt, but last time I was there I also walked out with a calendar, a couple of koozies and a free key-​chain.
Cheap ICE cold beers, NOTHING fancy, real live dive bar atmosphere in a neighborhood that you would NOT be going to otherwise. You’ve got to do it!

They got sunchips. Ain’t nothin sunny about em.
She opens when she wants, no two ways around em.
One night yall walkin in, got some hipsta drunk punks
next time, old big dudes and some uptown junk
nah, but its the best, eat some chicken, need to wash it down
when that lights callin you, like some fd up allan toussaint sound
it must say Saturn bar, dont buy the shirt, but grab the matches
cuz when you walk outside the rooster crowing, i named him patches
yea i sait it, best bar on st claude, ninth ward on da rise
when yall wanna get yo drink laugh and flirt on, saturn bar, no compromise

Well, it looks like I’m on a dive-​a-​day tear here, fellow Unilocalers.
Last night I returned to the Saturn for the first time since Katrina after being somewhat of a regular here pre-​K. I lived in Bywater in years past and would walk there and bask in the excellence that was O’Neil, the owner. As many of you probably know, he died during the recovery process, but thankfully, his family retained the place, and its junk-​filled decay remains. Moreover, his niece (the bartender) and great-​niece, a patron, are cool and real and wonderful as anyone could imagine.
I was distressed to read that Joi B. already applied to be the bartender’s BFF, because I know now that she only accepted my application to be friendly. I have no chance.
There was a DJ last night, Lefty, and the crowd was light — just right, if you ask me. A group of fun Canadians came in and showed off their crazy dying-​smoker cigarette packaging. Collect ‘em all!
One thing has changed, though, that has upped the class quotient ever so slightly since the days of O’Neil. It turns out that now, one gets a plastic cup with their split of white wine. O’Neil would just leave me to drink it out of the tiny plastic bottle. :)

We were barhopping on horseback when we stopped here. We tied the horses outside so we could grab a beer before our next stop. Almost as soon as we dismounted, this tiny female bartender came out of no where dragging a 5 gallon bucket of water for the horses! That alone is worthy of the four-​star review. She is SO cool for that. The horses were much appreciative and when they’d had their fill we dumped the rest of the water on them to cool them off. I liked the open feel to the bar. It was dark even in the middle of the day. Very off-​beat, but it seemed like a fun place for the short while we were there. I’m not really a bar person…

Hipster ambiance, really?! So normally that’s a no-​go for me. Luckily Saturn Bar had the endorsement of a most trusted Unilocaler, Shannon S to steer me right.
Despite the aforementioned ambiance alert, I’m a fan of Saturn Bar. This is what I would choose to do if left to my own devices: pretend that I’m hanging out with all the people from years past on the walls. Hiya cool older lady getting her drink on with the owner and his family. Hey there, dude with the Queen shirt and mullet. Oh, *hello there* Moonstruck-​era Nicholas Cage!
Luckily our small group prevented me from being left to my own devices (crazy lady alert!)
No, seriously, I like this bar. I won’t go on a night when the ambiance is as described, packed with the ironic masses, but on a very slow, almost empty night, you might catch a musical duo singing their hearts out and it’s probably going to be a good, damn time. The soda water might be flat and the surrounding neighborhood might give you pause to park, but if I lived within walking distance, you can bet your «so ugly it’s hip» grandma sweater from Walmart that I’d be a regular, no matter how much I don’t look like I fit in (newsflash: the bartender/​owner will keep all annoying idiots in check and I think I am going to apply to be her new best friend).

Saturn Bar is a serious dive.
Located in what appeared to be a fairly sketchy neighborhood (I was harassed while outside on the phone), I wouldn’t normally have come here. That being said, it wasn’t such a bad place inside. In fact, it was everything a dive bar should be.
It was dark, smokey, had interesting regulars, and even had photos of customers from the old days on the walls (including a long haired Nicholas Cage).
The owner/​bartender was sweet and friendly and gladly informed me that she had several shotguns behind the bar just in case. I don’t know if she was telling the truth, but it made me like the bar much more.
There was a band playing in the back room, but I didn’t particularly care for their brand of music. After the set two girls did play the recorder which was impressive and reminded me of my grade school days.
The bathroom was typical for a major dive. It was small with a large troth type urinal and no soap. An odd feature about this bathroom (or plus depending how you look at it) was that when the door was open, a large part of the bar could watch you pee
Besides the conversation at our table, I did get to hear two regulars argue about how it would be impossible to receive a lap dance to a Beatles song. Apparently they had never heard of «twist and shout».
If you want a real dive, in the neighborhood to match, check out Saturn Bar.

The acoustics in this place are amazing. It’s like being inside someone’s house listening to a show, and it’s one of my favorite places in the world to watch live music because of the balcony thing where I can sit on the floor and actually see what’s going on. For someone who’s slightly over five feet tall, being able to see the band is pretty amazing in itself.
Whenever I come here it feels like everyone else is super young; they look like a bunch of eighteen and nineteen year old hipsters. Maybe it’s just me. It doesn’t necessarily detract from the overall experience, it’s just something I’ve noticed about the clientele. I always feel slightly out of place.
Although this is an amazing music venue, I will say the jukebox freaking sucks. Whenever there’s a space between bands, I find myself praying (to no avail) that no one will play anything on the jukebox. Silence is better than the crap available to play, but I suppose that just makes the live music that much better. I suppose.
Last comment: when the front door is closed, it definitely doesn’t look like a functioning door. But it is. Just go for it. You won’t be sorry.