Carne Vale

Hrm how should I start this review– THIS PLACE SUCKS!
All you can eat Rodizio’s should be fun and lively– where the food is plentiful, hot, fresh and sliced generously until you grow a food baby. This place was an absolute joke~It was late in the summer I came here with three of my very hungry meat loving friends anticipating a feast of spitfire grilled goodness. We left full-​from eating bread.
When entering the place we noticed that there was no AC at all-​instead they had these small front doors opened– it was very humid that night. — If a restaurant needs to resort to shutting off the AC on a hot humid night like that the first thing I would suspect is they need to conserve money. Not a good sign–
Initially we were off to a good start though– waiter was quite helpful, asking for our drink order and gave us the usual run through in how to have the meat keep coming or stop by simply turning a card face up or down– very polite, so no gripes there. But things pretty much went downhill from that point on. Lets start with the salad bar that was pathetically small bowl of mixed greens complimented by a lackluster choice of cheap bargain bin cheeses and cold cuts. But this isnt a big deal– salad bars have been a gimmick since the beginning of time anyhows. We were now ready for meat! *flipping card excitedly expecting to see a chain of meat divebomb the table* … *crickets chirping*…
~ we see one small fella walking around with a tiny hunk of meat — for liek 9 tables! (Usually on a skewer there should be 3 or 4 ginormous hunks of meat on it) As our hungry eyes followed his movement we watched him go from table to table slicing off meat and moving on. By the time he got to us– there was literally a pathetic piece left to which he sliced strings of meat on to our plate. At this moment the boss comes over and goes «get these guys ALOT OF MEAT! fill them up good!» Alright~ round 2 is bound to be sweet– you got the bosses order hombre! He walks into the kitchen… *5 minutes go by*… another TINY freakin piece of meat he brings out. and get this. he does his rounds in the order he did before!!! Twice he had run out of meat before he even got to us. By the time he did actually get to us again, what was left was another pathetic morsel of meat.
I say to him: uGh can u get us something fresh?
DUMB MEAT CARVER: it’s fresh, it just came out.
ME: What just came out? there is nothing left.
I was completly furious by now~ and our faces werent hiding it. Picture enduring this with 4 sweaty asses sticking to the seats of the chairs. We resorted to constantly waving over the waiter and asking where the meat was to which he only nodded and said «its coming». So when the moronic meat carver came out the next trip around– the waiter points him to our direction. This time I wanted to be prepared– I say to him, can we have some sirloin steak? Please also bring some flank steak~ my friend then squeezes in– oh and some sausage too. He nodds and leaves…
*crickets again*… he brings out another cut of meat and starts doing his rounds again. — at this moment the boss comes back over and says. its my birthday! he waves over a round of watered down lemondrop shots in an attempt to make up for the shitty evening we were having at his establishment. ~ Instead of getting toasted maybe he should have focused on getting us some dam food. After giving up and asking for the check the dumb meat carver still had not returned with our food.
NEVER AGAIN–

I went on an ordinary night for dinner and overall it was pretty good food-​wise. I think its a good place if you live close by but I wouldnt go out of the way to go back there again.
The meat was very plentiful which I liked. The quality was average, not gourmet but better than I could do myself. They only had chicken and beef so after about 10 courses, you get kind of sick of it, but mostly in a good way. I guess on weekends, you might get more selection. My favorite was definitely the skirt steak. The salad bar was not as fresh looking as I would like it, and the dessert was good, not great (we tried both flan and soufflé).
The service was nothing to write home about, and their credit card machine wasn’t working, so we had some issues there. Next time we’ll know to bring sufficient cash.

Please note: this is a two-​star review of Carne Vale as a BAR, not a RESTAURANT. Though the place smelled awesomely meat-​licious, I didn’t eat there, so I cannot attest to the food.
They had been promoting the bar recently on a few local sites, probably because the restaurant clears out around 9p on weeknights and they need some sustainable business, so I thought I’d check it out.
In brief: don’t go to Carne Vale just for drinks.
At 9:30−10pm on a Thursday, the entire place was empty and it was really awkward for the five of us to talk since it was so quiet. They do have this kinda kick-​ass organic potato vodka (rocks with a lime… mwah!), but it wasn’t good enough to drive me back there (also, no Jameson). The bar seems more like an afterthought — more of a place to sit while your party arrives, but it’s by no means a destination.
I do, however, look forward to going back there for the Carne, if not the Vale, at which point I’ll rewrite this review to reflect both aspects of the joint.

Had 2 experiences here: Brunch: i think it was something like $ 10 – 12 for a Mimosa YIKES. not coming back for that! Dinner in the summer: fun crazy experience. I came here when there was an event. NY Channel 1 was here and some of the Sopranos. including James Gandolfini. Boy, did he look mean and intimidating eating that steak! Loud Brazilian Music, Dancers all around shaking their hips, Prixe Fixe Dinner. Fabulous experience and Delicious Food!

So, I have not eaten here, but I did come here for my cousin’s girlfriend’s birthday party and it was a great time! There was no salad bar or steak in sight, which was good considering it was 1 am and we were there to paaarrrttaaaaaayyy!
Good music, good drinks, I always appreciate it when the bartender remembers what I am having. Not as crowded or expensive as China 1, and same music and crowd, basically. Hookah available for those that like it.
A good time all around, but considering I live on the UWS nowadays, it’s really quite the trek for me!

I can be a cheap bastard sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. I was leaving Carne Vale the other night and noticed by the front door that they had their own boxes of matches. The little boxes were all piled into a basket waiting for each guest to take one as they left the premises. As I was leaving I was thinking to myself «Man, I was just looking for some matches the other night and didn’t have any.» So being the cheapo I am, I grabbed a handful and stuffed them in my pocket. I looked around to see if anyone noticed my actions, I was in the clear.
As of recent, I have been a maniac and I have been looking for ways to calm my inner self. I have found aroma therapy candles are that outlet. The soothing smells help bring me to prefect Zen or some crap like that. Regardless, I need matches to light those bad boys. I go to whip out my newly acquired box –o-​matches and open to find out that they are not matches at all, but in fact, tooth picks. What the hell. I run up stairs and borrow some matches from my neighbor and came back to immerse myself in peace.
While in my hippy trance I come to a realization. No, not that God is in everything, or not that we are all one person. I come to the conclusion that Carne Vale means business. They are a meat eater’s paradise. No only will you get more grilled meat than you can handle, but you will be supplied the tools after wards to rip the leftover meat morsels from your teeth.

Fantastic! I think I had six species that night, served to me by hot Brazilian men. The service was pretty slow, but we were there early (6pm on a Sunday) so I guess I understand.
#1 piece of advice– don’t touch the salad bar! They will give you plenty of time to fill up there. The meat is abundant and perfectly cooked. Would you like that sirloin wrapped in bacon?
Unfortunately, this awesome place loses points for weak drinks (the margaritas, not caiparinhas– those were good) and slow service.

After leaving 99 Below, the Brazilians were talking to a limo driver and I guess he told them he would take us someplace great so I hopped in with them and ended up here. I think he intended for us to go to a bar across the street, but here we were. At 3am it was a kind of lame dance club. There was literally a girl riding a guy in the booths in back… they were having sex right there in front of everybody. Eventually they stole off to the bathroom together to finish up. We were all cracking up, but you know, free show, so, what are you gonna do, not watch and laugh?

After seeing a friend in a play at the Metropolitan Playhouse, our laid-​back group of five wandered around the corner, looking for food for some, beer for others. We saw Carne Vale, liked the look of its garden, and took a table.
We were given a brunch menu at 3:55, when brunch was supposed to end at 4. This was okay with the kitchen, I assumed, because it’s what the waiter gave us. Ceviche was on the chalkboard outside, so two of our party ordered it. The waiter seemed to be stoned (I say from experience with stoned people). When he returned, he told us that ceviche wasn’t available until 6 pm (so what do they have between 4 and 6?), so my friends ordered sandwiches. One was a lamb burger, which, according to the menu was supposed to come with figs and goat cheese. Neither of them was offered the brunch drinks, and they ordered beers. My husband and I got our steak and eggs, and nothing else but the beers came for a long time. By the time I was almost finished, the sandwiches came. Without the fries they were supposed to come with. And the lamb burger had lettuce and tomato on it, but no figs or goat cheese. When my friend told the waiter it was incomplete, he took it away and came back about ten minutes later with it. Topped with Cheddar. My friend asked for it to be taken away, but the waiter insisted he take it for free, although it was in no way appetizing. We sat, finished for some time before they finally brought the check to us, which charged full brunch price for the sandwich with no drinks or fries, as well as the beers. It was exasperating.
Service was slow! The second waiter (!!) made a lot of excuses for the staff which made them all look bad. The food was merely passable. I mean, you can’t really mess up steak and eggs. Oh, did I mention I got sunny-​side up when I specifically asked for scrambled?
Maybe it was a bad time of day, maybe they had staff problems, maybe the chef was done with brunch and the waiters didn’t listen. The bottom line is, if you run a restaurant, and you open your doors, be prepared to be open. No excuses. Plenty of restaurants close between brunch and dinner. It would have been no crime for them to do the same. I will never never never step foot in there again, and I would never recommend this restaurant. There are too many places to eat in this city for that kind of poor service.

Many different kinds of steak serving continuously until we couldn’t get anymore. Really nice atmosphere plus there’s belly dancing in the middle of the night.

We’re probably going to have our wedding here. We are en route there again to see them on a Friday night right now, as opposed to the quiet Sunday evening we tried the first time. In a word, the place is meatilicious.
I will write a full review once I return, but I expect that it will be a rave, if previous experience serves.
UPON RETURNING:
Food was better than last time, and the salad bar had better offerings, including a seared rare tuna that was simply amazing. They seem very accomodating with some of our initial wedding requests, and eager both for our business and to make us happy.
God bless them.

This place is awesome! 4.75 stars.
As typical for a churrascaria, the waiters bring out skewered meat for AYCE (flank steak, skirt steak, ribeye, chicken, sausage, bacon-​wrapped filet mignon, beef ribs, pork ribs, turkey-​bacon-​wrapped chicken, and more) + an AYCE salad/​appetizer bar + dessert (choice of tiruamisu or chocolate mousse cake) all for $ 35! And they bring out sides of rice, beans, mashed potatoes, yuca flour, and salsa.
ALL of the meat was SO TENDER AND SUCCULENT and had good flavor (unlike at Porcao where I felt some of the meat was too dry). I’ve never been to place where I can say ALL of the meat was cooked perfectly (in my opinion). I also noticed they didn’t bring out any seafood (but I guess at churrascarias it’s really all about the red meat, right?).
The salad/​appetizer bar had shrimp cocktail, pasta, hearts-​of-​palm (did you know it really is from the heart of a palm tree??), potato salad, several types of salad (including one with mango, which was just ok), roast potatoes, prosciutto-​wrapped asparagus, and a couple other entrees. Most of it was tasty, but it definitely wasn’t as large a selection as Porcao’s.
Both desserts (tiramisu and chocolate mousse cake) were great, moist (although the chocolate mousse cake was a little fudgy), not too sweet. But by the time dessert came out I was already stuffed SICK. =)
This place didn’t have quite the variety in terms of meat and salad/​appetizer bar, nor did we get quite as many sides as Porcao… BUT STILL… for $ 35…THIS IS A FANTASTIC DEAL (considering Porcao and Churrascaria Plataforma are both $ 50 for dinner).
We had dinner here around 8:30, and around 9:30 the samba dancer came out, strutting around almost-​naked, pulling up random people to dance, was very fun! Unfortunately I felt the crowd was slightly dead, and I guess she thought so too, so she ended up putting on her clothes and leaving afterwards =(
I felt we had to wait quite a while after turning over our cute little hourglasses (green on top for BRING US MEAT, and red for NOT RIGHT NOW) before we started getting our first cuts of meat. I also feel they didn’t bring out the meat quite as readily as other places, so I probably didn’t even end up eating as much as I could’ve (do they do that on purpose? hmmmm). But otherwise, service was very attentive and the extra few minutes wait was worth it!
There are either tables for 2 (or small groups) in the center of the room, or longer tables with booths on the sides of the room. There are wine bottles lining the wall and ceiling (?!) above the salad bar, and the dim-​lighting adds to the more lounge-​y atmosphere (except when they start playing the samba music!). There is also small outside patio in the back of the restaurant with a couple tables for those of you prefer outdoor seating (or who just would like to smoke while eating). Oh, the bathrooms are too small.
I really need to take a trip down to Brazil one of these days =)
This is a great place for a group of friends, birthday party, or date. Highly recommended!!!

For the meat lover, it’s worth the trip.
I went there last night for a friend’s birthday and learned it’s a great place for a group of 8 people to celebrate. Carne Vale is a churrascaria, which means that roasted meats on swords arrive at your table and the server asks if you’re interested in that particular selection of meaty goodness.
Minus Speedy the side dish boy, the service is good. We started at 6:45pm, and service had an ebb & flow quality. It started slow, but as more people came in, the service picked up. The portion size varies due to how the server slices the meat.
The meat itself was delicious. Tender and flavorful … except for the fillet mignon wrapped in bacon. The bacon wasn’t crispy and the fillet was tough. The ribeye steak, prime rib, and flank steak were perfect. If you’re not a fan of rare & medium rare, then you may not be happy with the beef. Carne Vale also serves chicken, pork tenderloin, which were tender and flavorful. In fact, the pork tenderloin impressed me because it was tender.
Overall, I enjoyed myself and can’t wait to return.

Came here for a birthday dinner with Sonia C (see other reviewer) and some other fun peeps. Decent food, but not in love with this place and probably wouldn’t go back.
Try Out: The chicken and sausage are amazing! Really juicy and tender. The plantains and mashed potatos were also quite tasty.
Disappointing: Beef is supposed to be the highlight, but I wasn’t overly impressed with any of it, of which I tried prime rib, ribeye, and bacon-​wrapped filet mignon. It wasn’t bad, but it really didn’t blow me away.
Atmosphere: Strangely, this restaurant is completely empty until around 9pm. I would advise making a late reservation so you’re not the only ones in the restaurant.
Service: Staff was pretty friendly and brought over food fairly frequently. Unsatisfactorily, they didn’t include the gratuity into the bill, but they later told us that the minimum was 18% for parties over 6. If they had just included the minimum gratuity into the bill in the first place, it would have saved us all a lot of trouble.

$ 35 for all-​you-​can-​eat meat is not a bad deal. having learned my lesson at a previous churrascaria, i turned down all the initial meats (sausage, lamb, chicken) to save room for my true love — beef! i had skirt steak, prime rib, bacon-​wrapped filet, ribeye, sirloin, baby sirloin, flank steak, regular filet, and parts of cow that i don’t even remember. all of it was pretty good, with the exception of the regular filet which tasted oddly fishy.
the salad/​appetizer bar was pretty small compared to churrascaria riodizio and there weren’t too many options or good things to eat. the cheese puffs that came with the meal were cold.
i didn’t get a chance to try too many of the sides since i was busy gorging myself on beef, but i did eat some plantains and they were very good because they were very fried.
dessert wasn’t great. i had the tiramisu which was dry and too cake-​like. the coconut flan was chewy and too jello-​y. i heard good things about the cappuccino mousse though.
i had my sign on green the entire time, but most of my party wimped out pretty early and the servers stopped coming once they saw some red signs. i guess they weren’t too attentive. despite this, i definitely still ate more than i should have.
all in all, a good experience and i might come here again. the restaurant was really cold when we got there but the huge amounts of meat warmed me up eventually.
random gripe: i’m not a fan of the bathroom attendant. i can turn on my own faucet and pump my own soap, thank you. i really don’t think they need to hire a person to stand there. i always feel bad when i don’t tip, but i also hate tipping for something so unnecessary.

Hello, would you like some meat with your meat? Or perhaps a side order of meat? Uhh… yes, please and keep ‘em coming! My bf and I were craving some (you guessed it) meat, but instead of going to a steakhouse and having to decide on just one huge cut, I thought it’d be fun to get lots of different (and unlimited!) types. I have to say, it was a pretty awesome idea on my part :)
Carne Vale is really reasonably priced for the amount of food you can (potentially) get. We tried rib-​eye, skirt & flank steaks, lamb, top sirloin, roast chicken, sausage, and a couple bacon-​wrapped pieces. Don’t even bother turning your meat card to red (green=go, red=no) b/​c the skewer patrol will still stop by and offer you their meat-​on-​a-​stick regardless. My belly was saying «no» but my eyes and nose kept saying «yes.» On top of all the meat, they give you these yummy little yuca-​flour cheese breads, a medley of sides (rice, mash, beans, and a spicy vinegary sauce) and really frikkin’ AWE-​SOME fried bananas. We kept asking for more so that by the end of the meal, when we wanted our check, the runners assumed we were going to get another order of the bananas.
To top off the great food experience, the waitstaff was amazing and super attentive. Our server, Kenny, was really friendly and joked around with us (he kept calling my mom his «sister»). We had about 3 runners/​servers attending to us throughout the night and the meat skewer guys were great too (one even let us know when the lamb was coming out b/​c he remembered us asking about it). We arrived at 6:30 on a Saturday night and the place was completely empty, so they let us pick where we wanted to sit. Of course, we choose the area near the salad bar, way in the back corner, and it was like we had our own little private room… for about half an hour. But the waitstaff didn’t forget us even once the rest of the place filled up. Overall, this was a really wonderful dining experience. The food gets a solid 4 stars, but the outstanding waitstaff earned that 5^th.

This place is awesome. I went last night and thought it was a great value. The meat was delicious and fresh from the grill, even still steaming. The salad bar was fresh and full, and included marinated veggies, thin sliced prosciutto and other meats, aged cheeses, and of course, the regular culprits. Our bottle of Portuguese wine was reasonably priced and pretty fantastic. Everyone, from the hostess (who dates a Jet, for you Jet fans) to the waitress was attentive and courteous. In addition, the décor was awesome and dark and moody. At around 9:30 a Brazilian dancer came out and pulled up random patrons to dance, which was entertaining. I highly recommend it.
One note: we went early and had all of our meat extra rare (our fave!) but the same cuts an hour later looks less rare. I would recommend getting there earlish (we arrived at 7:30) in order to get the reddest, juiciest cuts.
Another note: the restaurant is a bit chilly. Prepare for it.

There is something about all-​you-​can-​eat restaurants that makes you think of long lines of families with fat kids and chicken that has been sitting there for too long. But Carne Vale, an amazingly priced $ 35 Brazilian churrascaria in Alphabet City, obliterates that cliché.
The steak is fantastic and better than almost all steakhouses in NYC. I mean it. And the variety of small portions of steak unbeatable. The salad bar features fresh seafood and anti-​pasto style fare. Later in the night they clear out the tables (giving our table a bottle of champagne for being one of the said moved-​tables at about 11pm).
Thoroughly recommended, especially for larger parties.

The newest and hottest Brazilian churrascaria restaurant around! They have a $ 35 Prix Fix menu, which seems cheaper than most of the others around. The meat from what I’ve heard is a big hit. I the mainly veggie stuck to the salad bar which was delish! And this is no lettuce and salad dressing salad bar – it’s serious and delicious. The drinks are also right on point I suggest the caiparinha or the mojito (duh!!!). Also, if you’re lucky you can catch some of the «live entertainment.» It’s definitely enjoyable. Three thumbs up! We’ve been catching the Brazil games here, and I can say… I would be no place else.