Taco Bell

Ummm… can one actually review a Taco Bell? I mean we all know what we are getting into, right? In all seriousness, this Taco Bell is awesome. From the employees to the accuracy of order to the cleanliness of the place. These people work hard and have a great attitude despite my weird, complicated order at 10 at night with x number of ravenous munchie urchins
simultaneously trying to vaporize me with their combined power of grand theft auto v induced hunger. Thank you purveyors of late night eats and all that comes with the territory.

It’s a Taco Bell. I mean, what do you expect?
Nothing to complain about at this location. Service was good. Food came out fast.
Tried the Doritos Locos Taco and I wasn’t impressed. Comes out in a little sleeve (which I assume is to keep you from getting cheesy powder all over your hands while you eat) but the sleeve actually made it kinda hard to consume. I don’t know, prefer the regular original shell (and I’m a HUGE Dorito fan so that’s saying something).

A solid ‘meh’. The inside wasn’t terribly clean. The employees weren’t terribly friendly. The service wasn’t terribly fast. Did they mess up my order? No. Did they charge me the wrong amount? No. Can I really complain about anything else? No. Will I try this place again? Yeah, probably. It’s close to the mall and I have no willpower :/

Worst taco bell ever! Closes earlier than posted! Forgets parts of order

Firstly, this review is for both Jen in California and Jessica Zee. Boom. #homage
Secondly, this review is for a Taco Bell.
Thirdly (and here’s where it gets messy, so I must make specific note of this): While I don’t often eat fast food, Taco Bell is, without a singular doubt, my personal version of kryptonite. It is my awful, shameful secret. It is my dirty mistress; I love and abhorre in unison, and all the feelings are so complicated. My relationship with Taco Bell is certainly a complex one, but I just can’t end it. It’s a vortex of codependence.
SO then. That’s out there. I really like Taco Bell. I said it. I said it out loud, on the internet, for all of y’all Unilocalers to hear and read and take in. Yes, there are worse things. There are more shameful things. This is a real step for me, however.
It doesn’t mean I go a lot… it only means I go sometimes. Maybe, say, once/​twice a month max. Still… it’s enough. It’s enough. This is how it works: I go to Bayshore to buy a thing or get my eyebrows threaded or whatever. And maybe I went to the gym earlier that day. And I’m feeling good. And I’m all «Hey these pants fit pretty well!» So I’m trying to stand strong, you know? And I’m driving home, and I’m going the opposite direction on Port Washington and you can’t even just turn left into the TB driveway… so it’s almost like the universe is telling me not to go. Then, audibly, in my vehicle, by myself, it starts.
«Don’t go. It’s just going to make you feel like shit. Don’t do it, Rachel.»
BRAIN HEART GUT RESPONSE: but… taccooooooosss… neeeed
«It’s gross. You know that isn’t real food.»
GUT RESPONDS: beeeannnn burrito with baja sauce (which, if you’re unfamiliar, is essentially a spicy aioli of sorts)
«Indigestion. Weird preservatives. Grade D meat.»
GUT WINS: HOT SAUCE AND TACO BELL I NEED IT NOOOWWWW GOING THEN
Then what happens is this:
1. I make a left-​hand turn by the Walgreens.
2. I sneak through the Walgreens parking lot.
3. I head back in the direction I came on Port Washington.
4. I turn right into the Taco Bell parking lot. My brain is sad, but my heart is so so happy.
To the review, then!
Four stars because the person at the drive-​thru ASKS YOU HOW YOU ARE DOING. That is Taco Bell class, folks. For real. And I always am happy, even though I know it’s coming. So then I say, «I’m well, and you?» And sometimes they tell me how they are, and sometimes they just wait to take my order, but still. It’s really nice. And my order’s usually right on. SPOT on. And it never takes that long, because it’s fast-​effing-​food.
Loss of a singular star for two reasons:
1. One time I asked for my requisite «crapton of hot sauces» and I did not receive them. My bad for not checking, though.
2. They didn’t even cut Jessica’s Mexican pizza last night. But really, that’s her review to write.
I’m actually quite glad this Taco Bell is not nearer to me. It would be problematic. Things would get dicey, and fast. For now, our perfectly dysfunctional relationship seems to be working out just fine. And I’m fine with that.

A Taco Bell is a Taco Bell, right?
Not so much. I have come to this Taco Bell quite a few times over the years and they never cease to eff something up or forget it altogether. The subpar food also becomes even more subpar here… this Taco Bell must actively seek incompetent employees.

Always forget at least one item.