Illuminati

Well illuminati… we were supposed to get in for free, but they said it was 11:45 and you only get in for free until 11:30…are you SERIOUS??? well then… after talking to the stupid bouncer for 20 minutes they let us get in for $ 5. They were trying to charge us $ 20. That’s ridiculous. The only reason we decided to go in was because they gave us 2 free drink tickets per person. The other reason was because it was my friends birthday and we had already planned on being here.
This place had two bartenders and that was it… the first floor only had one! how can that be??? service was soooo slow. Then the idiot bartender tells us we can only get vodka drinks with our drink tickets… welll now… we weren’t told this so how the hell would I know that. The ticket didn’t say anything on it. Well then… pour me a drink that works you moron!
Then we headed upstairs and the music was ok… then they had a comedy show in between the music. Who the hell stops the music to do a comedy show??? well now… the first guy got boo’ed off stage and the actual comedian was funny as hell. He actually made our night that night. It was great. That’s the only reason we give this place two stars.
Then we try to use of second drink ticket and the fricken bartender says, «we don’t accept those after midnight.» Well… WTF! I wish I was told this before! We didn’t care then. We called our limo and left to our next destination. See ya never Illuminati!

If it wasn’t for the fact that we were celebrating my boyfriend’s birthday and had a group of 20 people with us, this would have probably been one of my worst clubbing experiences yet. Club promised promoters a deal on 2 bottles of Goose, but then last minute decided to change it up. My poor promoter friend had to persuade the owner to keep their promise, which is absolutely ridiculous.
The club was small, not enough wait staff. Our bottle waitress was never around, bottles took forever to be brought out. It was also way too crowded with people creeping up on our table space.
Fortunately we had a good time because of the good company. But definitely don’t plan on going back any time soon. Hopefully my promoter friend will find somewhere else to work with.

I should have payed more attention to a post on Unilocal’s Vain (the previous name of this establishment). The owner is a lying cheat who writes bad checks for services rendered, lies and vanishes. It would seem this way of running a business seems to trickle down to the patron experience based on these other reviews.

Wait a second — am I in San Francisco? That’s exactly how I felt on Saturday night when I was in Illuminati. My reference to San Francisco is not a good one since I’m referring to the fact that there were a ton of asians. I am asian but still like some diversity. The drinks downstairs were weak as hell and considering that I’m usually a 3 drink hitter and quitter that’s not a good thing coming from me. Oh and it’s crowded as hell downstairs with no one dancing. Boo! The DJ upstairs had dead air for a good 5 minutes, which is not a good thing. Total buzz kill!!!
Oh and another thing, what is it with model runway shows and clubs? This is a freaking dance club, why are you strutting around in fancy clothes!!! This is the second time I have seen this happen at a club. I just don’t get it.

Don’t waste your time here. Read the other reviews and think, «Is that how I want to spend my night?» If these people felt strongly enough to get online and type up so much about how awful the bartender (and seemingly pretty stupid) was along with the manager, how he bar ran out of certain liquors, etc… then I think their experiences must have been pretty negative.
The crowd is very douche-​baggy. It’s, on a normal basis not the people who wrote already I’m sure, filled with half naked skanky looking girls and extremely moronic looking boys with hair that is too gelled and shirts that are too striped. I could elaborate, but I just don’t want to get too mean. But the crowd alone makes it not worth it to step into this place.
And yeah, the manager is a f@#% tard. Not only an ass, but not a reasonable person who even attempts to feign intelligence.

Since this is the first review I figure I’ll be DETAILED…
This is the spot that used to be Vain Nightclub. I think it literally switched over in the last week or so. I went for a friend’s bday party last Sat. night — had never beent to Vain and knew nothing about this place.
We got there a little after 11. No line. There was a cover (not sure how much), but we had a «password» for the door so free for our party. We went up the 2^nd floor first. Music was very B96-​y and that’s fine by me for a drunk night out.
The dance floor was pretty small and spilled right on up to the bar. I didn’t dance much… we mostly stayed posted at the bar because service was SLOW and BAD. The bartender was a total bitch! The special was $ 5 Patron or O-​bomb shots, but they were the warmest fucking Patron shots I’ve ever had poured… not that this deterred us from approx 10 rounds throughout the night.ughhh. Drinks were normal club prices, but at least Belvedere was the standard «vodka tonic» pour. When i bought a round, the bitch bartender (by the way howwww are tehre only 2 horrble bartenders for an entire floor of a bar/​club??) asked if I wanted to close it out or leave it open. I said go ahead and close it and she said, «Well it’s only $ 28 — the minimum is $ 30»…THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME? Moron. There was a big fat over-​use of a fog/​smoke machine that kept choking us eww. A waterfall wall with 2 half-​naked butterface dancer girls bouncing on it. Really sweaty/​hot in there even away from the dance floor. Cramped.
We eventually headed downstairs where it was less crowded and sweaty, and the bartender guy there was «ok» except they ran out of Patron around 2am. WTF? You are a BAR. It’s Patron. LAME! We closed out our tab at last call, left to grab a cab, and when we are seated in the cab and closing the door the bartender runs out after us and makes us come back in because he can’t find our signed tab. MORON. Then the manager was a complete prick to me when i defended my bf by saying it was the bartender’s bad not ours. The greasy little douchebag in a cheap suit manager yelled at me and told me to «watch my voice». Uggh watch your employees you balding fuck.
I would give a «2», but overall I had a lot of fun with my friends. Prices were expected. It was pretty diverse (a lot of Asians — including my friend, pretty large amount of black and latino partiers). It was a nice change from hipster Wicker Park or frat boy/​yuppie Lakeview/​Lincoln Park… especially for being so close to the heart of LP. Fun music — mostly hiphop. I would go again unless we had to pay a cover.