He Who Eats Mud

The cards are funny and the store has some other nice stuff. I’ve gotten some truly funny cards in there over the years. The counter guy was never particularly friendly, however, when I went in over the summer 2014, the store had been halved in size and he was just bitter with a capital B. I sense a similar issue among older, long-​time small businesses: They have not kept pace with changing culture, technology and social media and are feeling the result as others blow past them.

I came in expecting this place to be along the lines of Twosided but found I was wrong. Nothing special when it comes of the card selection. Kind of a random, scattered, and crappy version of Hallmark. Very interesting decorations as well.

Sooo… my mind is kind of twisted. If we’ve met, you know this. (And that’s just the stuff that actually comes out of my mouth.)
This place has THE best cards for every occasion… and some of them are more twisted than I am. Scary, right?
But seriously… this is not somewhere you go for a «congratulations on your new baby» card — this is where you go to buy your friend a card that says, «congratulations, you didn’t get knocked up OR get the clap from that one night stand, you whore!» (People love getting those.) (Really.)
If I’m looking for something fun, original, and sure to make the receiver laugh I head here. Prices are a hair more than drugstore cards, but I am totally willing to pay more for originality and the chance I might offend someone.
In addition to cards they have lots of little gifts and knickknacks that are fun, so you might find a nice gift for the friend you just offended with the card and maybe they’ll still be your friend. No promises, though.
And for the record, I’ve personally never had a problem with the owner that everyone else is talking about, so not sure what that’s about. I mean, I wouldn’t exactly run into the store and jump into this arms, but he’s always been perfectly nice to me. (I *am* quite loveable though.) (And modest.)

I have been shopping here for a number of years and always find a great selection of cards, many of which have a unique twist or humorous quality to them. I don’t find the gentleman behind the counter to be rude at all, although he could be called a bit overly formal and stoic. So he doesn’t French Kiss me when I walk through the door; I am OK with that! I would rather have clerks leave me to my shopping than have them breathing down my neck constantly. I appreciate that he leaves me to my browsing without trying to strong-​arm me into buying something. That is one of the reasons I keep going back. For all my visits to this shop, I have never seen him be rude to anyone. Rather, his demeanor is just more formal. There is no phony WalMart sales pitch here. The store is full of politically incorrect merchandise, which is another reason it is a pleasure to shop there. Whether it’s a «Muslim Doll» or some t-​shirt with an inappropriate slogan on the front, the whole idea of the store is that we should be able to laugh at ourselves and the crazy world we live in. I would agree regarding the air conditioning, however. There have been times where it seems I am shopping in a sauna rather than a card shop. But, when it does get too warm, I’ll remove my jacket, which solves the problem. All in all, this is definitely a great place to find unique merchandise and have a few chuckles along the way.

I’ve been shopping at this place since the late 70’s, before a lot of these namby pamby reviewers were born. I am offended that they went in there expecting the nuances of Hallmark and were shocked at either what they found or the type of service that goes with a shop like this (you want pampering? Go to a spa. You want entertainment? Go see a show. You don’t even get free service at a gas station anymore!). There was a time when people understood the concept of dark humor, sarcasm and obnoxiousness, when everything didn’t have to be so damn politically correct.
This place is an oasis for those who need a card to say what they would really like to but maybe shouldn’t. Is there an appropriate card to send someone in the hospital after a suicide attempt? Gay and lesbian weren’t so «accepted» a while back and finding cards for those friends to fit the situation in a campy way weren’t available anywhere else (Get well card with Drag queen patient, surrounded by drag nurses with the words «Isn’t being a drag sick?»). What do you send an asshole who broke your heart and dares to want to get back together («Sure I’ll forgive you, right after you take your f***ing knife out of my back»)? If you think Hallmark has a card for every occasion try finding one for these: Divorce congratulations? Getting out of Jail? Successful abortion? Dying of cancer? Lost your «pathetic in the first place» Job? There is a lot of shit hitting the fan out there in the world and sometimes having an appropriately obnoxious card or gift fits the bill and eases the pain a bit.
While some may think a Jane Byrne, … Blagojevich voo doo doll inappropriate others would snap it up. Stuffed Muslim terrorists are offensive to some and really funny to others. Everything is relative and the world is a big weird place. When I was a kid in the early 60s I received a gollywog doll from my great aunt as a gift. My mother immediately took it away citing it was racially offensive. SO I went out in the yard and played with white barbies with my black friends (Lesson: It’s OK for black kids to play with white dolls but not for white kids to play with black dolls). Sometimes the way to handle the darkest, most unbearable moments is with black humor. The «inappropriate» jokes got us through the space shuttle disaster and the ⁹⁄₁₁ tragedy and will get us through the next painful event.
Now to address the guy that owns/​works there. That is his business. He is entitled to run it anyway he damn pleases. Personally he has never been an ass to me but I’ve never given him cause. Usually I ignore him and he ignores me. I have watched him give grief to someone who couldn’t decide between two $ 2 cards and asked for his help to decide. (Seriously?!? either pick one or just go for broke and buy both!). He isn’t there to coddle you or be your friend. If you don’t have the sense to make up your mind about something as simple as a card then I question your ability to be out crossing streets. Go somewhere else, it is still a free country!
I love this place and I am glad it still exists. I now live in a neighbor hood further west and don’t get there very often but I always get a kick out of the place when I do go in and I load up on snappy cards for those unforeseen moments when I will need to lighten someone’s mood with a grossly disturbing sense of humor. I can’t always come up with the best way to make light of a bad situation and this place always seems to have an answer to my plight.
Happy Mother’s Day you Mothers!

I contacted them about a racist doll they were selling at their store that portrays muslim girls as terrorist with suicide packs, but they didn’t pick up. I would like to please appeal to them to stop selling this doll. It is really offensive and something that makes me disgusted. There is a line between being funny and being racist and discriminatory against minorities and I wish they would stop selling these things which offend many people in Chicago (including some of their customers and their customers friends who maybe muslim women and find this offensive).

I didn’t know about the five dollar minimum on credit cards until I came on here to write about the obnoxious eye roll I got when I paid my $ 3.55 in three dollar bills and exact change. Since there seems to be no winning at this place, I’ll walk the extra ten minutes to Inkling next time– they have a better selection anyway.

One of those really interesting, different, locally owned stores that really deserves your business: I wish there were more places like it. Lots of novelty cards, many with titillating pictures, the place to go for dirty birthday or holiday cards. Great sales on art-​based or Chicago based card boxes as well, especially at the end of the year. Novelty items for gifts that are modestly overpriced but fun and original. Always get good service. I want to know the story behind the name (researching)

Owner is a jerk. Can find cards somewhere else, even if it is less convenient.

The cards are cool, but the older man who works there acts like he is doing you a favor by ringing up your purchase. He is cranky and rude. To be honest, there are several other places you could go to buy great cards — who are not jerks.
Go to Paper Doll on Division — where they have great cards and they are nice and appreciate your business.
Or go to Eclecticity in Lincoln Square — awesome cards, great service.

Yeah, it’s Boystown and not the burbs when there’s an entire wall section of dick cards for birthdays. Oh, ha ha. Whatever.
Every time I’ve visited this store, I rarely find exactly what I need. Witty cards, handmade cards, specialty wrapping papers? No, they never seem to have exactly what I’m looking for. I end up having to trek to Paper Source to find what I need.
And it wasn’t until I read the posts from other people; yes, the guy/​people behind the counter are generally unfriendly. I bought a box of thank-​you cards from them a few weeks ago, and they didn’t even say thank you after I purchased.

LOVE IT! This is my favorite card shop in the city! I never remember the name… in fact, I typed in «Broadway card shop» into the search bar.
Well, it’s He Who Eats Mud, which is kinda ridiculous but so are most of the cards in this store.
Every card is unique and not in the «I spent wayyy too much money for a card» way.
Only complaint I have for this store: No air conditioning. I just about died of heat yesterday!
Another thing to note: It’s a $ 5 minimum on credit card. Good thing I bought two cards!

— 1 star for HORRIBLE, disengaged, lack luster customer service.
— 1 star for being forced to purchase an additional item to suffice the $ 5 credit card minimum (I’ve only just now read the reviews below from other customers ad realize it’s a scam)
— 1 star for NO A/​C!
+1 star for GREAT selection of cards and unique sheets of wrapping paper
+ 1 star for catchy business name
I live less than a block from He Who Eats Mud and decided to stop in tonight to browse for the first time. I found a (operative word: «a») card to buy for my husband and when I went to check out (sweating, mind you — they don’t either have air or chose not to use it), I was told I needed to buy at least $ 5 worth to pay with my credit card. WHAT A RIP OFF! I WISH I’d known it was an illegal practice. I am tempted to dispute my charges now, or return and ask for a refund.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Is awful. The clerk had about as much enthusiasm and personality as a rock.
TIP: Spend your money elsewhere. Don’t waste your time on this place, there’s much better places to splurge on in this great, big city.

HWEM used to be this bright cheery place to find any cool gift or card you could possibly want. But now? I feel more like I’ve entered a porn shop than a card store — it’s all so murky and quiet. Lately, I’m usually the only one in there save at most two other customers. One can’t help but feel furtive and guilty. Every time I think of going there I have to look in the window to see if there’s someone still standing at that infamous counter of anti-​social customer service. I never know if the joint’s still in business or not. How about turning on the friggin’ lights? A little music wouldn’t hurt either. Got HVAC? Aside from all the cards, stocking the rest of the shelves with more than a couple items couldn’t hurt. If it is the case that they’re struggling to stay in business after all these years, then I might be able to understand the if-​not-​rude-​then-​certainly-​not-​friendly service I’ve gotten here of late and described in various ways both on Unilocal and other similar web sites. It’s understandable, but definitely not gonna fix the business problem.
Too bad. Along with its neighbor, Unabridged — a business that’s clearly gotten it right to still be standing as Borders goes under — He Who Eats Mud used to be a Broadway star.

In need of a card? He Who Eats Mud MUST have what you’re looking for!
Aside from Hallmark, this place has the most cards I’ve ever seen recently. From cute to emotional to funny to semi-​crude, there’s so many creative cards here that you can spend hours just reading through all of them. Plus, the cards are for ALL occasions — birthdays, anniversaries, get well, congrats, sympathy, friendship. And, if you’re still in need of Christmas cards, there are ton to choose from here! (Any store than has pandas on Christmas cards is a winner in my book.) This is a great alternative than fighting the crowds at Target or Borders, etc.
There’s also a whole array of gift ideas here, too — funny shirts, delicious smelling soaps, frames, inspiration magnets, postcards, ice cube trays, pocket charms… If you’re stumped for gift ideas, definitely make your way here for inspiration!

A friend and I spent the morning walking down Broadway popping into any shop that caught our attention.
The name alone got us in the door. They have a great greeting card selection, fun t-​shirts, and a lot of cute little gifts.
HOWEVER…
The person standing behind the counter didn’t say a SINGLE word to us. We were the only people in the shop. No hello, no may I help you, no smile, no fuck off whores. NOTHING.
How. Colossally. Rude.
Also — it was probably 100 degrees in this place. It’s called A/​C. You are located in Chicago. TURN IT ON!
No thanks, I’ll keep my money…
You can keep standing there with your hands on your hips not making sales…

I’ve always been a fan of this small shop in Boystown. They have some pretty great card lines and they were doing it 6 years before anyone else.
My wife and I enjoy browsing the cards and other items, some of which are very «not us», but I’ve always had a nice experience.

Good for really cool cards.
Also good for really rude service. And illegal practices.
I told the cashier I did not need a bag and smiled when I said «keeping it green» and he put the cards in a bag anyway. I took the cards out of the bag and asked him to re-​use it, again with a smile. He wadded it up and threw it away.
LASTLY, ANY BUSINESS THAT TELLS YOU THEY HAVE A CREDIT CARD MINIMUM IS LYING. IT IS ILLEGAL AND AGAINS THEIR MERCHANT AGREEMENT WITH THE CARD COMPANY. ALWAYS INSIST ON THIS.
**UPDATE**
I went again to this place tonight (12÷20÷11) to see if it had gotten any friendlier. No… it was just as terrible. It’s sad because they have a great assortment, but the guy at the cash register is SO RUDE and nasty. I asked if I could take a photo of the cute display at the register (which is a compliment) and put it on my Facebook and he said «if you must, but I’d rather you not.»…oh come on. LIke this is Homeland security? I will not be going back here. Dude is just sad.

I liked this store a lot, cards you won’t find anywhere else and lots of cute stuff in the back part of the store (wrapping paper, gift bags, postcards). I didn’t find the man behind the counter to be rude or anything.
However, when I was told that there was a $ 5 minimum on credit card purchases, I was pretty sure that was illegal. I looked it up when I got home, and sure enough, it is a violation of their merchant agreement. So minus one star for that. I don’t care enough to report it to VISA, but now I know, and you do too.

I had a few birthday’s in July so I stopped in to He Who Eats Mud to see what kind of cool finds I could umm… find.
Sassy b-​day cards, drunky drink coasters, bitchy t-​shirts along with all kinds of unique and quirky knick knacks. What’s not to love about this place? This will definitely be my «go too» b-​day shop.
The only downfall… get some AIR CONDITIONING!!! Bejeebus I was sweating my dirty pillows off in there!