Life Café NINE83

Reviews of the East Village Life Café wax philosophical, recalling the East Village in more bohemian heyday than the commercialized food culture nod to its bohemian heyday that it is now.
What did Bushwick’s Life Café represent? Our new lost 22 year old generation, adorned in Where’s Waldo tuques, lumberjack shirts, and large Revenge of the Nerds non prescription glasses (a jarring curated contrast to their flowing ombré hair and modelesque physique. the kind that would be more likely to snigger at the popular table/​be drawn nude by artistic college guys as a «muse,» maybe an Arizona Muse, than have its lunch money taken and actually be near-​sighted in high school), bold red lips, black stockings, and Capezio oxfords would be sat in booths by tightly arranged wooden coffee tables, in view of the red wall with the pipe, the chalk art and the waiters. Clustered in groups or reading an acclaimed book or play by themselves, easily identifiable by their outfits harking back toward various time points or their facial hair resembling Chester A. Arthur’s. Middle class descended kids living a life that echos the bohemian in an unfamiliar neighborhood full of catcalling old industrial workers, passing through lofts to small time jobs, in the aftermath of Giuliani’s cartoony clean up of New York.
The waiters in hipster uniform, flannel shirts rolled up to show their cleanly written black ink tattoos of rocket launchers, zooetrope frames, skyscrapers, or salad, would cordially serve Eggs Life, Huevos Rancheros, pancakes, bowls of fruit to the quiet groups of pierced lips, fake fur coats, and ombré hair. I wish I could romanticize something about the bohemia I sought in a sanitized New York, but I know that Bushwick’s youth culture must be developing, must be creating, or we will leave very little legacy. In the cold of hipster socializing, I could find a place that pretended itself to be a hub of warmth in the aloof community.

Closed for remodeling.
I biked by earlier… And realized you were closed. I died a little inside. I miss you, 143.

I was a little nervous after stepping out of the subway into this neighbourhood. Industrial complex’s tightly packed together, tagged in street art, as far as the eye can see. It made turning the next corner feel foreboding.
Looking for a good lunch, my vege/​hippie/​organic friend staying in the neighbourhood pointed me here. It’s not a vege restaurant, but it caters to many. The menu reads well, and very cheap. Everything was awesome. Highly recommended for that real gritty Brooklyn experience.

I love this place for what it is. A local joint with regular food, a variety of options, and a cozy atmosphere. Mind you we typically sit at the bar because there is usually a wait during the ‘rush’ hours, but almost always a couple open spots at the bar. The staff is nice and the food is good. Nothing overly gourmet or flashy. The wings do shine a bit for me, as does the brunch and meatloaf. The bartenders are always friendly and on top of their game. You can usually depend on a goofy movie on the TV with the captions on. This is esp nice if you are solo and want a little something to hold your attention while you dine or have a drink or 3. Did I mention that the large mimosas come in a pint glass?
Last thing, this place used to play extra, EXTRA loud bad music. This has since changed and I am happy to report that you can now hear yourself in a conversation and don’t have to ask the server to yell. A++ improvement.

Was able to amble into this place around 4 while I was in the shitty and needed to kill some time. What initially roped me in was a motivational chalk board reading something along the lines of «You are good looking!» So, naturally aroused by the statement, i popped in and went right up to the bar.
I didn’t know the place was vegan centered, but I should’ve guessed by the area that this was it’s thing. Not really knowing what I wanted, I ended up on the ‘Lential & Organic Brown Rice Salad,’ which was an interesting game time decision based on the name. The wait wasn’t all that long, which was nice, and the bartenders were talkative and upbeat.
They had ‘Bad News Bears’ playing behind the bar — probably a product of timing than the actual bar — which was cool in my book. If you don’t like ‘Bad News Bears,’ you can ge’out.
Lential & Brown Rice thing was really, really good. I would recommend that sal’ad.
It would’ve been interesting to see what kind of creatures this place summoned at nights.

Having been brutally uprooted from cities into the Midwest, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to roll out of bed, onto the street, and into a dining establishment within one block. This alone was the reason I found myself here.
Nothing was bad about this place but nothing was great either. It’s fairly small and was packed with people. Half of the floor is taken up by the bar. Nonetheless we were seated within 10 minutes which was music to the ears of my hungry, hungry tummy.
Not a SINGLE person in the place was under 22 and over 32. I didn’t like being surrounded by my peers in high school and I don’t like it now! Feh! (I am an old man in a 30-​yr-​old woman’s body). This here’s a pretty homogeneous demographic landscape.
The waitress was a bit scatterbrained. She neglected to give us change for our 100-​dollar bill. That’s a fair chunk of change you are forgetting about there, missy. Otherwise she was nice and the food came as ordered.
The food itself was average. I had the huevos merida and it had a nice kick to it but everything else was just kind of mushy and bland. The brown rice and black beans were dry and flavorless. One of my buddies got the blackstone eggs subbing a veggie patty for the bacon and that was tasty. But I think eating more than a bite I would get bored with it. My other buddy got the apple pancakes and they were overly sweet, also mushy, and one-​noted.
For the food, I’m saying this place is overpriced. The ambiance wasn’t great (an odd choice of early 2000s rock like Incubus and Red Hot Chili Peppers didn’t help). The needle on the brunch-​o-​meter settles on «average» — I wouldn’t go out of my way to come here.

This review is for delivery.
I understand if this business does not want to deliver, but if that’s the case, DON’T OFFER IT.
Our 3 items arrived 1.5 hours after ordering! It was all cold and the sandwich we got was very soggy.
Not only that, when the hipster deliveryboy arrived he had the nerve to say he couldn’t come in, so I put some shoes on and I had to walk all the way down the stairs to pay. MIght as well have picked up my food. F you, no tip for you, go back to Ohio.

To Brittany. Tonight you got a lousy tip because you never asked, «Can I get you something to drink?» You also didn’t hit me with, «How is everything?» I would have told you that the Penne Pasta Special is pretty terrible.
To the Chef who came up with this Special. I’m certain you thought, «Hey, Check it! Picture a White Pizza with Goat Cheese and Broccoli, right, but instead of a Pizza… It’s Penne Pasta with sausage. I know Right! Here, hit this before it goes out.»
Sir, It’s Terrible.
Anyone that says otherwise is too polite to admit that it’s off.
Since I’m already being a prick, I mentioned this before but it’s worth saying it again. The Steak & Cheese is sloppy and the meat tastes and smells like its about to turn.

I used to go into this place when I first moved into the neighborhood 4 years ago mainly because it was the only place around of its kind and had some good times… until I decided to order delivery.
DO NO ORDER DELIVERY FROM HERE.
It takes one hour no matter how close by you live and the delivery people refuse to enter your building, so you’re forced to go outiside to get it. What’s the point? The food is usually cold by the time it arrives and, in my experience, the food has been jumbled around in transit so don’t even think about ordering anything saucy or burgers unless you’ll end up with a soggy bag scramble.

5 stars for the vegan scramble (so awesome!-and the extra tahini is a wonderful touch) and veggie sausage. I also love their seitan tacos, with a generous side of delicious brown rice and beans! With all of the great Mexican restaurants in the neighborhood, I don’t know of any others that serve seitan, brown rice, or Daiya so Life has an advantage in this area. So even though they charge significantly higher prices for Mexican food, I’m still a fan. You can add Daiya (the best vegan cheese alternative) to any dish, always a plus for me on the rare occasion that I have run out. The veggie burgers are ok, I wouldn’t recommend them. Do not order the fajitas with tofu — they had no flavor and I’m not crazy about the orange sauce either.
Service has always been friendly and terrific for me while dining in. If you dine in, check in on 4 square. I got $ 10 credited to my Amex bill, even though the waitress was unfamiliar with this deal when I asked about it. Apparently you don’t need to tell the server about this to get the discount.
Note — this is not a vegan or vegetarian restaurant but since it is so vegan friendly, I’ve added it to my vegan list.
PS. I recently upped my rating from 3 to 4 stars because the quality of their delivery service has improved dramatically. I used to frequently have problems with my orders or late delivery times — but the past 3 times have been perfect. I do use Grubhub when ordering now, so perhaps that helps. I would up my rating to 5 stars if the quantity of the tofu in the vegan scramble for delivery orders increases as it seems to have lessened in quantity so dramatically lately.

This was one of the first restaurants that became one of «my spots» in Brooklyn. While everyone praised Wreck Room I stood by Life because their bar is pretty, not to mention the bartenders are always friendly and do a great job getting me drunk.
I love their vegan options! The burger is so-​so but everything else makes it worth it. Brunch is especially good for vegan scrambles. I like that they don’t just toss tofu on a plate and call it a day.
Now for the constructive criticism. Brunch is a seating nightmare. I’d rather wait than sit in the lap of a stranger. The guy who seats you is a little impersonal and makes me a nervous wreck when he carries multiple glass bottles filled with water and hot coffee and whatnot. This isn’t a Disney movie, dude.
So. Yeah. Great cute place. Yummy food. Love the seasonal touches and vegan love. The end.

What can I say, it a pretty trendy place, with a good vibe, but the food leaves a bit to be desired.
I’m not entirely sure they have a competent selection of cooks. I’m sure the original menu creation was done properly, but it feels as though every time I go, I regret what I got.
Whether something is totally off in flavor, too cold, or just not what I was expecting, I feel as though I’ve been having bouts of bad luck. I know others enjoy it from personal experience and discussion, but for some reason I cannot.
Lunch and dinner are the only meals I’ve tried, so maybe breakfast and brunch are a better gamble?

You know, I am SUCH a Korean cheapskate. As good as the food is here, I feel shame for spending 9 dollars on a meal where I could have bought eggs and bacon for 6 dollars at the deli to make at home.
However, I am also a lazy Korean.
Life Café NINE83, you win this time.

While I did indeed hang out with a guy who turned out to be the manager of this place while I was here, I had made up my mind long before then as to how to rate this place.
After all, who wouldn’t like a place that gives you a manhattan for $ 6?
You read that correctly. For $ 20 your ass can get drunk to the point of staggering if you come in here on an empty stomach.
Or, you can do what I did, which is to spend an extra $ 12 on a dozen wings, eat the celery and carrot sticks that came with them because, hey, you’re being healthy that way, and then leave here and wander along Flushing Ave until you find a bodega. Where you buy a 40.
That last part is a lie. We bought two.

My first bad review. Sorry to be about Life Café. My girl and I decided to try something new than our usual spots. The delivery came and we didn’t notice at first till we got into our apartment that the food was smashed and leaking out of the containers and into the bottom of the bag soaking other food items and plasticware. It was a sticky mess which turned us off immediately. When finally getting ready to watch «House» and dive into our somewhat put together food, with in one bite we both said, «not worth what we paid for». Portions were small, smashed by the delivery, and the food was bland. For BIGGER portions, better tasting, and cheaper prices, I’d quickly suggest Bushwick Pita. Bigger menu and better taste.
Although, I have read that Life Café really puts «life» into their brunches and breakfasts. I’d surely hope so cause this meal was «dead».

An update!
Boyfriend and I were hungry a couple of nights ago but neither of us wanted anything to do with cooking the groceries we had just purchased. At the same time, I totally did not want our usual default of chicken with broccoli and cheese wontons and/​or egg rolls and/​or wonton soup and/​or dumplings. So I hopped on grubhub and found out that 63 places (or thereabouts) deliver to my home in the ‘Schwick. Life Café was right there, in the middle of the page.
Success! Non-​Chinese food was promptly bought with a card and brought to my door by a very hipster looking delivery boy.
We both ordered meat and sauce dishes… the southern fried chicken with bourbon sauce, garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli for him and the meatloaf and mushroom gravy with the aforementioned mashed potatoes and some carrots for me. And when I opened the plastic bag the food had been delivered in, I found that all of that sauce and gravy had leaked out of the containers, through the paper bag and into the bottom of the plastic bag. It was very messy and highly disappointing. It was unclear whether it was my gravy or his sauce, but I had so little gravy and he had a completely empty sauce container in his order that it was probably both of ours combined.
The vegetables that came with each dish were tasty and the meats themselves were delicious as well. The chicken was moist and flavorful. The meatloaf was a giant, thick, dense, moist, meaty slice. I loved every bite. The mashed potatoes, however, did not live up to their garlicky promise and instead tasted kind of watered down. But not like they were from a box… box mashed potatoes taste better than whatever they delivered to us the other night.

If I were some lame theater geek taking a high school creative writing class, I would describe the Life Café as follows.
Recipe for the Life Café
½ cup yummy lunch
¾ pound horrible service
sprinkle with reasonable prices
Luckily for you, this isn’t the case, so I will get down to brass tacks. I hit up the Life Café with a couple of gal pals for lunch. The food was really good. I had fries and the pulled pork sangy and it was plain but decent. One of my friends had huevos rancheros and it was enormous and came with a massive side of guacamole. That was all fine and well okay, but the service was so bad my head almost exploded.
We had this one waiter who was like lurchy and seemed as though he was about to put two in his head. And that’s fine okay? I’m a strong supporter of permanent solutions to problems, but either quit moping around and end it or refill my coffee because I was legit about to jump off a cliff. Maybe that sounds a little harsh to you, but I do not take it back, it’s a free country and I can say whatever I want. We basically had to suck this kid’s dick just to get the bill, even though it wasn’t busy at all.
I’m a fat dump and most likely the laziest human in Brooklyn, so I will probably return to the Life Café, because the food is good and it’s three blocks from my house. I’ll prolly just stick to take out so I don’t have to tip on lousy service. Plus, I hate wearing pants and not eating dinner in front of the television, and unfortunately I do not think the Life Café can accommodate those needs.

Dear Life Café,
Thank you for:
1. Serving Awesome Burgers (Turkey, Veggie, & Beef), especially the Mexican Burger (beef burger with mole, red onions, cheddar & Jalapeño cheese).
2. Bomb Buffalo Wings
3. Great Service
4. Having Many Vegan/​Veggie Choices
5. Sunday Simpson’s Night ($ 10 pitchers of Beer)
The only thing missing is sweet potato fries on the menu.

Fine
Brunch and
Aesthetics
But not the type
Of café I would go to get work done.

I went here for a quick breakfast on the way back to Boston. It wasn’t crowded at all, maybe 3 other small groups of people were there. Since I was driving I didn’t get to indulge in the infamous mimosas :(. I got water and the «life good» or something of that sort, which was eggs benedict with salmon. The poached eggs, were over cooked, more solid yolk than runny. I would have sent it back but we had waited so long already and we had to leave soon, so I ate it.
The service was bad, maybe they need more staff for Sunday brunch. She took like 10 minutes making coffee for the entire table when we only ordered 1 coffee. She then slammed down the cream and put the other coffees away on the counter behind her to finally take our order. It wasn’t our fault she couldn’t hear us say 1 coffee and 3 waters. At that point, of wasting 10 minutes she might as well have just given us the coffees for free rather than throwing them out.
The vegan biscuit my friend got was good and my sister said that her burrito was good. She also noted that the coffee was excellent, so maybe it was a fresh batch and worth the 10 minute wait. The prices were good, I would return, but speak more loudly so you only get one coffee and order your food ASAP, to avoid the wait.

Hearts ahoy!
Antonella L and I were served by supercutie «Matt», who was both charming AND a tickle to behold. I was impressed by how friendly the service was both at the bar (where we waited before scoring a seat by the window) and at the table.
I ordered two eggs any style (poached medium soft) with a side of hollandaise ($ 0.50 — this was before my month-​long hollandaise moratorium) and some tempeh bacon (mm). I asked Matt if I should get toast or the biscuit, and his eyes buggered out and it became clear that the biscuit was the only way to go. The rice and black beans that came with the eggs were dangerously addictive and I devoured them all. And the biscuit… omfg. The biscuit melted like a brick of buttery mayhem in my mouth. All this for like $ 6 — unheard of!