Telefund

There are no two was about it. If you ever give a dime to one of their causes you are DOOMED to endless harassment. I recently checked my call log, there were 11 Telefund calls in 14 days. Fortunately, I have almost all their numbers (yes, they use more than one) blocked. I’ve even reported them to the FCC.
Sadly, it makes one want to disconnect from the causes they call for which I would usually support.

If you give money for any cause through Telefund, they will harass you with calls daily for the rest of your life.

OK. So, I got a wild hare up my ass the other day, and thought that perhaps I could supplement my day job with a stint at Telefund. I came across their advertisement on Craigslist. After some cursory research, I determined Telefund was a legitimate third party partner for many liberal causes, and I decided to give them a call. If you’re looking for a position, you leave your name and number and what exactly about the ad was appealing to you (Think keywords such as «Obama», «Sierra Club», etc.) Pretty standard.
I received a call back from a perky girl named Candace who scheduled my initial interview. The office is one large room, with a few chairs up front and a lot of signage plastered on the walls representing the Obama campaign and a whole host of other liberal causes. So far, I was in the right place. It took them a while to get around to seeing us, but they offered us a cordial welcome. Overhearing a conversation, I heard someone ask the supervisor where he had found this apparently stellar hummus. Not more than a few minutes later, a woman asked the same question. Jesus, that must have been some mind-​blowing hummus. Obama, gays, and hummus… I *knew* I was in the right place.
The interview began with a perusal of the resume. Thankfully, Candace was the person conducting it. She noticed my political science degree and asked what I’d done with it. Not wanting to say ‘Went to law school, despised it, then went into real estate, and now I write about bars”, I condensed it to simply «real estate». She asked me if I would be comfortable representing clients such as the Human Rights Campaign and Planned Parenthood, since it’s obvious some people are liberal, but not THAT liberal. As a gay guy who’s given money to Planned Parenthood, I assured her it was acceptable. I was also asked if I was political. If by political she meant «I have 1000+ comments on the Huffington Post and I can talk politics with the best of them», then yes. If by «I kiss boys in front of Westboro Baptist Church, throw paint on furs at fashion shows, or brow beat pro-​lifers in my spare time», then… not so much. I simply mentioned The Huffington Post. I did a cold reading (with proper emphasis and pronunciation) of a sample script we would be using on calls. Out of the blue, she then asked if I knew who the current Secretary of State was. I was thrown by the simplicity of the question. Hillary Clinton, of course. How do people NOT know this? I was unaware the imbeciles approached on Leno’s «Jaywalking» would even walk in the door for a job like this.
Candace liked me, and I liked her. The other people looked like some were students, some were just «there», and the others had all left the ashram for the day.
I showed up today for the 2^nd interview/​observation day. I checked in on Facebook as being at Planned Parenthood, to throw my friends off the scent. A supervisor named Justin took me and another girl over to a table where he addressed what he called the «nuts and bolts» of the position. Speaking of nuts and bolts, I asked about parking. Well, there is no parking. Seriously. He told me I could ride the bus and I think my face said it all. I looked over to my right and saw eight bikes against the wall. Bikes? Buses? My BMW was at a meter, and I don’t think I want to pay $ 5-​$ 10 each time I showed up for work. The fact that me owning a car seemed so foreign sorta rattled me, but I let it go. I was extremely worried about my car and the meter, but they said I probably wouldn’t be ticketed. OK…
Finally, I was paired with my trainer. He was a really nice older guy I’ll call Harry; why I wasn’t paired with a good looking gay guy who smokes was a question that was never answered, but this was their show, not mine. I got a nifty headset and the real show began.
Harry took calls with ease, and surprisingly I can’t think of a single person who was «rude»; all of them were either hung up, were wrong numbers, or they had some ridiculously depressing story about losing their job or having cancer. I know I live in a bubble, but for a couple hours, I got a peek into a slice of America in this day and age and honey – it ain’t pretty. I needed a drink.
Lo and behold, it was my turn for the headset. I wasn’t petrified like some people would be, but I was naturally anxious. So I sat. And waited. And waited. I got 100 answering machines. Harry said it was unusual, so he took over, and the calls began again. He was even able to raise some decent funds. So he put me back on. And I waited. And waited. And waited. My time was up, and I hadn’t fielded one call. Harry, stunned, said that never happens. I just smiled and chuckled. God’s subtle like that.
I left without committing. It’s obviously not for me, but it will work for lots of others, especially students. Oh well, I made roughly $ 20, right? When I returned to Kar, I found the final piece of evidence for my «no» decision.
I had a $ 20 parking ticket for not feeding the meter. Ugh. Brilliant.