Tineo

The food here was good. It is a good place for lunch.

(Para version en Español sigue leyendo que viene al final)
Granted, when in Madrid tapeo in Plaza Mayor should be a sacred ritual for visitors.
We unfortunately picked Bar Tineo Cerveceria to stop by for some tapas before lunch in Las cuevas de Luis Candelas, the legendary restaurant Madrileño located around the corner. Given the exceptional location, you should expect (likely) good eats but also accept overpriced food. However, you should never expect neither accept sneaky business practices. And that’s exactly what our experience at Bar Tineo was.
We didn’t find an spot at the bar that we liked so we were pleasantly invited by the manager (owner?) to take a seat at the tables instead. We ordered a couple of local beer jars (4 € each) and Rioja wine (3 €) along with Spanish omelette (Tortilla de patata), Galician style octopus (Pulpo a la Gallega) and Chorizo. Soon after we got a bread basket and our drinks, and a few minutes later the tortilla. What we got was an entire tortilla for at least 4 people instead of a tapa. I realized then, we were being served raciones (small plate portion) instead of what we intended, tapas for just a bite.
Right after a racion of pulpo came out and we decided to cancel the chorizo order, a notice that didn’t seem to me to be happily welcomed. Regardless, the food was good. Tasty and well made. A good first exposure to Spanish food, made in Spain, for my bf who was visiting for first time and myself who was coming back to visit after three years.
While eating I saw the sign at the bar indicating that tables are for Raciones only. Not only the sign is quite hidden to be easily seen but also we weren’t informed by anyone when we were seated after a «cordial» invitation.
No location or good food can justify underhanded practice. Particularly, when you actually pay for bread (3.60 €)) that you never ordered but served in your table. 16 € for a racion de pulpo and 12 € for the tortilla. Which is almost like NYC prices, where Spanish food and tapas I would say are considered somehow «exotic» eats. Curious about prices around and just as an example, 8.90 € is the price in table for a similar tortilla in another tapas place located also in Plaza Mayor.
Ironically, I haven’t use the word exceptional or outstanding food for an obvious reason. Because it really is not. Like the views. You are in Plaza mayor. Certainly. But once inside you feel like you could be anywhere else.
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Por supuesto, cuando en Madrid, tapeo en la Plaza Mayor debería ser como un ritual obligado. Elegimos Bar Tineo Cerveceria para tomar algo antes de comer en Las Cuevas de Luis Candelas, el legendario restaurante Madrileño situado a la vuelta de la esquina. Dado lo excepcional de la zona, puedes esperar comer bien; y también, pagar mas. Sin embargo, nunca se debe esperar ni aceptar que se aprovechen de ti. Y así fue como nos sentimos en Bar Tineo.
No nos decidiamos donde sentarnos en la barra así que el jefe de camareros (igual el dueño?) nos dijo que sin ningun problema nos sentaramos en una mesa. Pedimos un par de jarras de cerveza (4 € cada una) y un par de copas de Rioja (3 €), junto con tortilla, pulpo a la gallega y chorizo. En unos minutos nos trajeron las cervezas, el vino y una cesta con pan. Al poco aparece la tortilla. Una tortilla entera para al menos 4 personas. Me di cuenta entonces de que nos estaban sirviendo raciones en lugar de lo que pretendíamos, tapas para picar algo con la cerveza antes de comer. Al poco nos trajeron el pulpo, también una ración para al menos 3 – 4 personas. Así que decidimos cancelar el chorizo lo cual no me parecio que gustase mucho al personal. La tortilla y el pulpo la verdad es que estaban bastante bien hechos y buenos. Me di cuenta entonces del cartel en la barra del bar que indica que las mesas son sólo para raciones. No sólo el cartel esta bastante escondido, pero es que nadie nos aviso cuando nos sentamos después de la «cordial» invitación.
Ni la zona ni que las tapas este bien hechas justifican para mi que no nos explicaran las reglas y como consecuencia tuvimos que adaptar la comida que teníamos planeada media hora después. Ademas el pan, que no hablamos pedido pero nos fue impuesto, nos lo cobraron (3,60 €). La ración de pulpo fueron 16 € y la tortilla 12 €. Todos sabemos mas o menos cuanto cuesta hacer una tortilla, verdad?. Así que no hace falta decir mucho mas solo que estos precios son casi como en Nueva York, donde la comida y tapas Españolas se consideran de alguna manera «exóticos». Por si acaso, me entro curiosidad por saber cuanto cuesta en otros sitios en la zona; de los que tienen website, he visto que son 8,90 € en mesa para una tortilla similar en la misma Plaza Mayor (Casa Maria).
Te habrás dado cuenta de que no he dicho que la comida fuese excepcional. Y es que no los es, al menos para mi. Lo mismo con las vistas, aunque no te lo creas.

SPAIN! This is a general warning for people travelling Spain.
I have an almost identical one to write about a place in Placa Reial in Barcelona, just off La Rambla. The following review contains general rules that are simple to live by when travelling Spain. There are amazing experiences to be had in this country, with ease — this place, is not one of them.
GENERAL RULES:
1. NEVER, eat anywhere that has staff to lure you in from more than 20 feet.
— Exception: if it’s the owner, and it’s in a small town…
2. NEVER, choose a random restaurant over a public market.
— Note: most tapas places are of similar quality and price.
— Also note: drink, and you won’t notice the difference.
3. Don’t expect too much from «Patatas Bravas».
4. Don’t expect museums and other historical spots to be open on Mondays.
5. Random shops is closed on Sundays. Be forewarned. Do your vice shopping on Saturday, for the weekend (Sunday/​Monday, apparently, in Spain).
6. NEVER, EVER, EVEN CONSIDER GOING TO SPAIN IF YOU ARE VEGAN OR GLUTEN-​FREE.
As for Tineo… I’m absolutely ashamed to be reviewing this place, as it means that I’ve been there. This will be my first overtly negative review. Seriously. I’m going to try and refrain from dropping F-​bombs a-​plenty here.
This is the worst food I’ve eaten in Spain. In terms of what the bill was, this might be the most money that I have ever spent on the worst food I haven’t sent back. I more or less picked the place after a walk from a nearby hotel, with my 60 year old mother, and we were tired after crossing more than half the country over the course of the day from Cadaques. We fell for a cute Spanish man, who lured us in. This was our first mistake. Any place that needs to do this should raise turista alarms (See above). As a general rule, I hereby assert — when travelling Spain — NEVER, eat at a place where a waiter comes to lure you in from more than 20 feet.
Most of the rest of this review, which I don’t have the heart to write, you can imagine for yourself — if you trust me.
Here’s what I will say.
We ordered «Champignons Al Ajillo» (which I think is actually an improper translation on their part — isn’t the Spanish word for mushroom, hongo? I don’t know, but I speak French) — this more or less translates to «Garlic Mushrooms». A few days earlier, we had «Gambas Al Ajillo» on the Northeast coast, and they were exceptional, from a small place that I didn’t expect much from. THE DISH WAS 11 EUROS. THE MUSHROOMS WERE FROM A CAN, PROBABLY LEFT OVER FROM WWII RATIONS, SERVED ON A PLATE WHICH HAD A DIAMETER LESS IMPRESSIVE THAN THE LENGTH OF MY JOHNSON. 11 EUROS. 11. THAT’S $ 15.50 CDN.
Beyond that, the Paella was weak. It took half an hour, and was weak. The Mahon beer that I had, was 1 of 3 — the others were Heini, and Tecate (which I almost wanted to respect them for) — and it was weak.
The service — headed up by an old guy who literally spent an hour in front of me (a fairly cut-throat/get-shit-done/seasoned-member-of-Canada’s-hospitality-community) cracking jokes to a table of 4 whose bill probably came to less than mine. Needless to say, if he’d have been my employee, I would have let him go that night with my boot’s print in his ass. His act: joke cracking, serenading, and general slapstick bravado, to this table — it really go to me after the first 45 minutes. I kept thinking, after the mushrooms, that I was actually paying for this man to live a comfortable life of unacceptable complacency. I would have had another beer to dull the pain, but I just couldn’t stand the place after the first half hour.
Shamefully, I didn’t even think about tipping. I’m not kidding. I don’t even think I’ve ever done that. My tip was this — I didn’t cause a scene, or send the food back. My mother and I politely left, after paying (after waiting extensively for the bill). I have never felt like such a swindled tourist in my life, EVER. This made me miss Vancouver considerably. I hope that I never have to write a review like this again.
Skip Placa Mejor, and go to the market around the corner off Calle De Casa. Now, that place, is worth a visit.

Stale bread. Weak wifi. Extremely overpriced even for a touristy area. Several people take your order and it makes the bill complicated and confusing. They charge for stale bread. Double check your bill before handing over the CC. Only saving grace was paella.

Die teuerste und schlechteste Pizza meines Lebens für schlappe € 14,50 und ich habe schon viele gegessen. Der Rest an Speisen wie Gambas, Calamari und Pulpo war auch nicht besser, schade der Platz Mayor ist schön, aber zum Speisen eine Bogen machen

Discrepo un poco con lo de que sea argentino este bar.
El argentino está en la calle Toledo 14, también se llama Tineo y solo he estado de cervezas, por lo que desconozco su gastronomía.
Este Tineo (dentro de la plaza) Es el típico sitio de bocata de calamares y caña en la terraza hasta que se vaya el sol.
Genial para cuando viene visita con ganas de hacer el guiri.

Yes, eating at the Plaza Mayor in Madrid can be a little expensive. And there are plenty of alluring sidewalk tables and competing waiters trying to grab our attention. They’re all attractive and probably similarly priced. We picked ours based on its location in the shade on a hot, July day. We started with mineral water with gas since we had just eaten, and it wasn’t until two hours later that we ordered some beer and tapas. We stayed for about 5 hours with no one rushing us or pushing us for a table. People watching as locals and tourists sat, drank, ate, laughed, and conversed with strangers and friends alike. What a pleasure!!! Coming from NYC and other large cities throughout the US where table space seems to be at a premium and your check is being brought to while you’re still chewing, this is truly refreshing and reminded us of why we loved living in Europe all those years ago. We proceeded to order granizados, which are similar to lemon flavored snowcones, only served in a much more elegant manner, pulpo a la vinagreta (octopus in a vinaigrette), chorizos con patatas (traditional Spanish sausage with potatoes). Servings are very generous and service is friendly and relaxed, For about 80 euros for all that time, it was a pleasure if a little costly.

Decided to try this place since it was close to our hotel and we had no idea where to go since we forgot our guide books and could not access the internet during our walk. Food is mediocre at best, and not cheap. But you are paying for the ambiance since the tables are located on the Plaza Mayor. It’s a lovely view.
We had the potato omelet, chicken paella, cheese tapa, ham tapa and salad with tuna. Again, all okay but not great… or even good. Also had a beer and soda. Total cost: about € 80.
I’m giving it 2 stars only because it is located on the Plaza Mayor and it was nice to watch the sunset.