The Vine

Ah The Vine. I believe in extraterrestrial life only on the premise of two basic truths:
A) I can’t prove there ISN’T extraterrestrial life and,
B) I occasionally seem to ‘wake up’ and find myself sat in The Vine with no real understanding of how I came to be there. And I’m not even drunk.
This doesn’t happen often, perhaps once a year, and yet having spent 15 years in Leeds it does strike me that a pattern in alien abduction seems to be occurring. How many of you can claim to get unconsciously beamed up on an annual basis and then left to come round in a slightly tatty old city centre pub that doesn’t really know what it wants to be, nor has the confidence to be what it already is?
Not many I’d wager.
I’ve no idea why the ETs feel the need to keep checking on me every year, like some intergalatic pet cow, but it is the only rational explanation I have for randomly finding myself in this pub talking to ex burglars called ‘Freddy the Fly’ (true story) and eating microwaved burgers that are basically edible and have, astonishingly, only set me back £2.99. With chips. And as much mayonnaise as I can stomach. Which is a surprising amount.
There’s nothing really wrong with The Vine– the staff have always been friendly, people say ‘Hello’ to you at the bar and if you have one of those big eyed and slightly too inviting faces like mine then you too can find yourself targeted for the life story of a perfectly amiable, geriatric and yet prolific ex con (and yet in fairness he bought me a drink when I ran dry and never made any sort of a move… although he did ask me where I lived).
The Vine is a little shabby but has some age and a token of charm with dark wood and a teensy nod to cut glass. It’s warm in winter and the food prices cannot be beaten– and you may be surprised how basically unhideous and perfectly acceptable a £2.99 dinner can be. It is what it is, it just doesn’t really know it.
The drinks are cheap, the loos are clean, there’s a tv and electricity and I once saw a napkin. I suppose my recommendation would be a cheap and perfectly ok place to end a day shopping or start an evening drinking, with the caveat that it is exactly as 5/​10, one thumbs up, half a smile, ‘dear god that 68 year old woman has a spider tattoo on her face’ as you are expecting it to be.
If I could tell you any other believable reason why I sometimes end up in The Vine I would but I think we are all just going to have to sit down and accept the most logical explanation on the basis that nothing else seems reasonable, probable or likely is *Aliens*.
I think it’s time to have «Please return to The Victoria Hotel after use» tattooed on my backside, in binary.
If anyone knows what that phrase would BE in binary please send me a message, I’d greatly appreciate the help.

Leeds city centre has all the fine bars you could want in a city — bars that cover most genres, from the über posh, to the indie style and beyond. What Leeds really seems to lack is good pubs. Being from a tiny village near a tiny town in Gloucestershire I can say this and truly know a decent pub to mean it.
Still, you have to judge a pub by it’s surroundings and compared to the other pubs in the area, The Vine is not so bad. The customers are reasonably amicable, some youthful alternative types with the older locals. It’s definitely one of the friendlier pubs in Leeds — a lot of the pubs aren’t all that welcoming, which is why pubs in Leeds City Centre are generally avoided by people like me.
But. It certainly isn’t an excellent pub. The décor is grimy and more dirrty grunge than cosy local. Their selection of drinks, whilst offering a couple of ales, seem mostly to cater more towards a bar crowd than a pub one — identity crisis much?
Essentially, The Vine is one of the better of a sorry bunch, but that doesn’t mean you should make it your number one venue. As Susan says, even the live music seems to have slowly gone, which was the one really good thing I could have mentioned. Ah well…

There was a time when the Vine was a trendy hot spot to rival any other live music venue in Leeds worth its salt, playing host to bands like the Cribs in its grungy, spit-​and-​sawdust style function room. Under new management however the gigs seem to have dried up, replaced instead by a rather lacklustre programme of karaōke and ‘disco’ based entertainment which sounds more like what you’d expect to find in a country pub than in what was once an edgy venue in the centre of town. These disappointments aside, the Vine is still a decent venue in which to grab a pint or two on your way somewhere else, particularly if you’re trying to avoid the overcrowded fashionable bars on a night out. The bar serves up an average, fairly uninspiring selection of beers, ciders and spirits, and the clientele are a good mix of young and old, if a little rowdy — any venue whose website boasts the fact that they are ‘safe’ in the second line of their website should inspire a degree of caution.

Amidst the city centre razzmatazz of funky cocktail bars, shot-​filled emporiums and raving nightspots — The Vine is one of just a handful of traditional public houses in Leeds city centre. You won’t find any flashing lights in here. There’s a hearty selection of ales, beers, lagers, ciders and well, you get the picture. THERE’S ALCOHOL HERE IF YOU WANT IT.
It’s a mixed clientele in here — from students missing their local pub at home, craving a slightly rough around the edges abode to nestle into a dark corner with a hearty pint of real ale to your working man who’s just finished his shift, getting a bellyful before heading home for tea.
Worth popping in if you’re not scared of wise men approaching you to offer pearls of wisdom.