For Your Eyes Only

Strip clubs aren’t my cup of tea but dammit I’ve got a job to do!
For Your Eyes Only was not the seedy dive I half-​expected to find. It’s an underground strip club where you are greeted at the door by a couple of well-​mannered (but intimidatingly large) bouncers. I chatted with a couple of them outside whilst having a cigarette and they seem decent enough guys.
Firstly, the dancers here are friendly and polite even when you aren’t coughing up any cash (like me!). It costs £10 for a dance at the table and £20 for a private dance. There are strict rules though such as not standing up at your table unless going to the bar or toilet and mobile phones are a definite no-​no. As friendly as the staff are, expect to be firmly remonstrated for not sticking to these. Which is fair enough I gues.
The drinks prices will bleed most people dry in a matter of minutes. I paid just over £15 for a glass of rose and 2 bottles of Corona. It’s a classy enough place that I had to act like that didn’t bother me though, and through gritted teeth I handed the barman a 20.
It’s a decent place if you keep your wits about you, but be aware that everyone’s so friendly for a reason and getting sucked in too much could be a seriously pricey night!

Approximately 50 per cent of the population immediately have no desire to go further than walking past the entrance to a strip club. But as far as such establishments go, FYEO is at the classier end of the spectrum. And if you’re assuming there’s no other reason to frequent a lapdancing joint besides acting like an ogling pervert, think laterally. It’s actually a passable place to take your better half for a bottle of wine and a laugh. The security is tighter than 99 per cent of licensed premises in the city centre, all the men in attendance are too interested in the dancers to bother you, you’ll always get a seat and table service ensures no tedious, infuriating bar queues (even if you do pay top dollar for the privilege). Alternatively, splurge an embarrassing amount of your hard earned watching nubile young ladies pretend to care as they undress for cash. Your choice.

I’m going to try to be as objective as I can here.
For the purposes of full disclosure, understand that I don’t like strip clubs. I don’t mind them. I don’t object to them on any moralistic grounds, and I understand that a lot of guys and girls get a kick out of them that you can’t get anywhere else, but they just aren’t my thing. I don’t much see the point in getting all wound up for nothing, and the thought of being in a room, knowing that all of my friends are… well, wound up… is a little disconcerting.
However, like many of my little forays into the seedy underbelly of the world, I was dragged to For Your Eyes Only by friends. It’s all very well and good saying I don’t see the point in it, but when it’s a stag do, you don’t have much choice. So anyway; here goes nothing.
For Your Eyes Only was an interesting experience for the awkward observer. A lot of the women were certainly lovely looking and, I guess they did their thing with enthusiasm and aplomb. The drinks were a little expensive, but not outrageously so, and the waitresses were great to talk to for the less interested among us.
Short review: If you like it, knock your self out. If you don’t like it, don’t go. If you don’t like it and have to go, it’s not the end of the world. Hug the bar, knock back a few drinks and make friends with the barstaff.