Balmer Lawn Hotel

For a wonderful long weekend away, you can’t get any better than the Balmers Lawn Hotel.
The Mrs and I booked a two night stay here after seeing an amazing (and I mean A-​Maz-​ing) deal via a deals sight. This deal included two nights stay with late check out, a three course meal in the Beresford’s AA rosette restaurant in the hotel and massage at the Saltus Spa. While they’re all under the same roof, they all need praise in their own right.
The Balmer Lawn Hotel.
Perfectly situated in the Few Forest, it’s a great location for both relaxation and planning trips into various areas of the New Forest for walks and adventure. There is a particular short walk (about 1.5 hours) that takes off from the car park and is perfect to strech the legs if you’re not feeling particularly adventurous.
The hotel itself is clean. Very clean. We were very kindly also given a free upgrade into a four poster room, which was great for the novelty value. Robes, tea, tea pot and biccies provided it’s a perfect room to unwind in after a wander around.
While Balmer Lawn hotel, is very big it dosn’t feel it, with all the facilities easy to get to. As we went in October (not a particularly sunny time of the year) we took good advantage of the heated pool, jacussi and sauna each day. The pool never seemed to get too busy which meant complete relaxation.
Breakfast. This was probably my least favourite part of our stay. The breakfast was by no means bad, however as a vegetarian, the selection was a bit boring. There’s only so many fried eggs and baked beans a person can take. If you’re a meat eater, the sausages looked great — and there is an option to order off a menu for scrambled eggs etc.
Overall the hotel with its friendly staff and intimate facilities is a perfect place for a relaxing stay or for peaceful solace after a day of hiking around the gorgeous surroundings.
The Restaurant
I’m not normally one for posh nosh. I like my food like I like my theatre, fresh and unpretencious –however I had trouble choosing from the menu and had an absolutley lovely meal. Eating in London can mean that quality does not equate to price and you can end up paying a lot for what is not very nice. However I can see why this restaurant has it’s flowers: P My main course of cod was just gorgeous. And aside from the utterly delish and tempting food was the service. Who I believed was the restaurant manager (a slim tall man with glasses) was incredibly friendly.
Saltus Spa
I really liked the great drift-​wood sculptures and furniture all around the reception and relaxation room. The two lovely ladies that gave me and the Mrs our Full Body Aromatherapy massage were so sweet, but also very professional. The asked if we would like to have our massage together or not and our preferance of oil and pressure. Very informative and relaxing. This was actually the best massage I’ve ever had and came out feeling like I was floating. After our massage, water and luxury chocolate were avaliable in the relaxation room.
I would completely reccommend the Balmer Lawn Hotel, who often have their own offers on their website. Check it out.

Once advertised in one one of those ghastly Groupon circulars I had signed up to, which I readily committed to junk mail. Just imagine booking a holiday via Groupon to find you’re vacationing with with a bunch of voucher wielding cheapos who barge past you at breakfast to squirrel the croissants in their beach bags at the buffet.
Somehow I stumbled on the Balmer Lawn’s details again, after the offer had expired, but they were only too happy to accommodate our large party with an equally competitive offer! B I N G O!
Just a 2 hour drive from the Big Smoke and you’re in the beautiful New Forest, said Google Maps. Screw you Google Maps! Don’t drive! There is a train station 10 minutes walk away and a handful of excellent pubs to refresh you on arrival should you find the train via Southampton an ordeal.
After being stuck in traffic for three hours, driving on the open road of the New Forest leading up to the Balmer Lawn is something to behold, everything you want in a country resort. It’s a beacon of quintessential British grandeur with darling little New Forest ponies and cows grazing on the grounds, gentile clacks of cricket bats being played on the lawns with the bright whites of players dotted in the sun and a welcoming patio bar area with the soothing trickle of a fountain to offer it’s soundtrack whilst gazing on this perfect vista.
With road rage from the drive tightly bound in my shoulders I could realise my dreams of swanning about the establishment like Little Britain’s Bubbles de Vere, getting a massage and generally enjoying a lot of lolling around.
It’s grand reception walls are lined with it’s history, there’s a documented photographed survival through fires and floods and 90s floral motifs which this establishment sadly has not recovered from. It is perhaps these touches that make it cling to it’s 4 stars, just about.
So after my ghastly journey I wanted to sling my luggage on a luggage rack and raid the mini-​bar. I could do neither. No luggage rack, NO MINI-​BAR, I almost called down to reception to ask if there was a problem, but none of my neighbours had one either.
Leaving my bag askew in search for an evening cocktail, we were pleasantly greeted by great bar staff, happy to cater to our picky whims. Not so knowledgeable on well known cocktails, so some training wouldn’t go amiss, however we were still delighted and entertained by the bar staffs efforts. They had cucumber for Hendicks Gin so +points, but not knowing what a Negroni was, 0 points.
The grounds and pools, yes pool-​S, were fantastic. Where I’d worried about competing for the jacuzzi and sauna among Groupon wielding sunglouger hogging types, we pretty much had the place to ourselves in early June! So we enjoyed pool keepie uppy til our hearts were content and dive bombing and ducking each other and all other usual pool faux pas in the outdoor heated and indoor pools like 10 year olds allowing us to leave all our city stresses behind.
Food service here, however wasn’t terribly fine. In a maddening farcical two hour wait for a half dozen sandwiches, we had to reorder thrice! Some communication on what could have been the problem in the kitchen would have made us a little more understanding and we could have just gone to the pub next door as there was clearly an issue, possibly down to running out of bread? Sadly we wasted a lot of an afternoon for a swift repas.
Come supper time there was a fairly decent menu, offering typical British local food, I had the Pigeon (a tad over done) and balsamic lentils, but most excitingly of all I ordered their Panache of vegetables.
The meal was served with every ounce of warmth and panache that they could pull the stops out for, but when I received my PANACHE of vegetables. I was surprised at their Flamboyant Confidence in serving me what was basically microwaved carrot and cauliflower. No Frills. At. All. Hilarious. Picture attached.
Otherwise feeling truly pampered a la Bubbles De Vere, Balmer Lawn’s staff did everything to make our large group feel welcome and cared for, even so far as to pack us away with sausages AND croissants from the breakfast buffet for our afternoon walk. The only squirrelling away was done by the, well, local squirrels.

Had a lovely time here and in the New Forest generally, the room was lovely, splendid view, enjoyed the pool and the wee fitness room, my only reservation would be the food which was workmanlike and overpriced. Get yourself into one of the nearby towns to eat and you will have a great time here.

We were pleased with everything here. The deal was a free room for a Sunday night if we spent £100 on dinner. For the second night of our stay the DBB rate was reasonable 4 star. It was our wedding anniversary and when we arrived the hotel had a complimentary bottle of champagne ready for us in our room, a generous touch which we appreciated. Staff were very friendly, polite and helpful. Dinner cuisine was gourmet rather than plentiful but very well presented and breakfast was a good and varied buffet. The fully equipped room was very comfortable and newly refurbished with a pleasant forest view. Pool, spa and sauna were all open and working perfectly. We will happily book again.

We got an excellent deal here on line — £60 B&B per room. The hotel is quite large and ‘olde English’ style, with a pleasant terrace and bar area. Our room was basic but very comfortable and had everything we needed. We ate lunch and breakfast there. Lunch consisted of ciabattas and sandwhiches, which were nothing spectacular, but nice enough. Breakfast was good, served what seemed to be a refurbished dining room.
The staff at the hotel were friendly and gave us a lift down the road to a wedding reception.
We didn’t have a good look around the grounds of the hotel, but there is certainly ample parking, a terrace (with a Sunday jazz brunch!) and even an outdoor pool I believe!