Smoke and Mirrors

Lame scene … I understand that being seen here means you’ve arrived, but I couldn’t deal with this place for more than a couple drinks. Trust me, I could say in this review that they had velvet paintings of Hitler on the wall and people would still go because its such a hard door to get past. (they dont … but its an example) So, if you can get in … you’ll go. But you will hate yourself for it. Honestly, the Bar Marmont has a much better vibe if you go at the right time and know the right people.
After being turned away twice at the door by a doorman who looked like a young Bobby McFerrin complete with lame 80s wanna-​be outfit (‘You’ve got to be sponsored to get in’, he said) … I was on a mission to get into this club. I will admit that I am not a regular in LA, so I can appreciate the door policy and won’t gripe about being turned away. I don’t care how attractive someone was, if they showed up at my party unknown and announced, I wouldn’t let them in either.
This club is one of those ‘wow, wouldn’t it be cool if …’ projects that you always here the über D-​Bag ‘top of the foodchain’ social circles talking about. ‘Lets have a club that holds 30 people where you have to walk through the Kitchen of a restaurant, like in goodfellas dude!’ ‘Yaaah braaaa … that would be so hot’. Smoke and Mirrors is a vanity project that sprung from the ‘I can do anything I want and it will be cool’ minds of two LA top of the food chainers who are known for creating hard to get into clubs. Which in LA, makes them more popular.
West Hollywood is known for its effeminant ‘I wasnt alive to see Club 54 so I want to recreate it’ environments. Perfect place for this dump. Basically, this ‘club’ is more like a watering hole or social club for the owners, their friends and a few people that are lucky enough to be bestowed a coveted club invite. Its basically a party that is being thrown nightly by people with so much money they can take over a club at a hotel anytime they want.
Bad news ladies and gentlemen … being goodlooking is not enough to get you past the ugly doormen and into the circle of beautiful people. There are plenty of goodlooking people in Hollywood. You have to KNOW someone to get into this party. The doorman might have the clout to mayyyyybe allow one or two people in (probably not) but unless your name is on the list (or you can get it put there by making a call before arriving) … you will be SOL. There isn’t even a line.
The good news … Hollywood/​LA is a small enough place that you can do some calling around and its possible to get into a dump like this. Also, there is no cover charge or manditory bottle service if you DO get in. You will leave with a wallet that isn’t $ 200 — $ 1000 lighter. They don’t care about making money, the same way they don’t care about your looks. Its not the cool table at high school … its an incredibly elite and rich group’s party … NOT a club or lounge.
Finally, I made a few calls and heard what I was waiting to hear. ‘Yeah, Im swinging by there later. Come with.’ I was ashamed of myself but at the same time felt brief social validation. Until I walked past the bouncer, who had the nerve to smile at me warmly this time … so fake. I was amazed when I went inside. It was so cheesy. It looked like some fraternity had decorated a chapter room for a pledge party.
I googled the club from my phone and there was the owner bragging about how he ‘created’ this social mecca out of ‘literally scotch tape’. I was at least expecting something cool inside. It was so lame. The people in this club all tried way too hard. Imagine being in a saterical sketch about the most annoying group of young people you could possibly imagine and that was what was in this room. It reminded me that scene in the Great Gatsby where everyone was carrying on … dancing the Charlton, burning $ 100 bills and telling stupid jokes with a giant shit eating grin that says ‘I belong … you like me … you really like me!’ People you want to punch in the face.
Recently, Lindsay Lohan got in a fight in this club. The people in this club would make you cheer for Lindsay in that confrontation … THAT is how annoying everyone was. After 30 minutes, even though it took me several hours on the cell to get in … I was done. I couldn’t stay any more. I put the whole experience up there with doing my taxes with a severe hangover while smelling tequilla … or drinking a warm jar of horse urine on a 90 degree day.
When I was leaving, I couldn’t help think about the name. ‘Smoke and Mirrors’. I thought about the stupidly cutesy entrance through the kitchen. The lame lineup at the door. Even the lame location … the Standard Hotel in Hollywood is one of the most overrated and lame places on the West Coast. And it hit me … SMOKE AND MIRRORS! The owners may be douches … but they may be brillant after all. All that work I did to get into a cheezyclub where everyone was like fingers on a chalk board. Touché.

Horrible place. We had a reservation to spend $ 1k on bottle service and when we arrived we were told we weren’t allowed in. Little did they know we have a friend on the inside who told us they didn’t like the way one of our friends was dressed AND that one of our friends was African American. This place should be banned and burned down. Rascist horrible establishment. Little did they know who we were associated with and now we are having people heavily boycott the place. And it’s actually people they care about. Oh and the clockwork orange hat wearing douche at the door needs to realize that you should be careful how you speak to people who you don’t really know who they are. Could be someone who could cost you your job and then you’d be back working at burger king.

I went to what what supposed to be an «oscars pre party» there on Friday night… I can not begin to tell you about the disgusting display of Hollywood Bullshit that went down. I was in and out all all night and observed the door men and managers tell people that they couldnt get in because they were «nobodys»…when I walked in, the room was half empty and the people that were there were a bunch of coked up losers with out jobs claiming to be cool. I highly recommend staying away from this place as the energy and integrity of hat place is so negative, dark and demented. Every single one of those managers and door guys were «nobodys» and deserve to get there asses kicked… so if you ever see them walking down the street… serve em up.

Good luck getting in. They have a stupid gimmick with their entrance. I went with 4 girlfriends and we were all dressed to impress but the staff gave us the run arounds. No one seemed to have a clue or cared to guide us in the right direction. Frustrated, we decided to go somewhere else. Finally, we figured out this is all part of the experience… hence the name smoke and mirrors. So lame! I go to the best clubs in the world and don’t deal with such silly games. Their loss because not only are my friends hot Hot HOT but we actually play just as hard as we work and spend our $$$ freely.

I guess it’s a fact of life: pop-​up lounges are here to stay on the West Coast. And Paul Sevigny and his friend Andre (brother of Chloe and the duo of Paul & Andre’s fame) have closed down their old digs and set up shot at this new, soon to be über hotspot, located in the Standard Hotel on Sunset Blvd. Had to stop by last night to check it out.
If you ever went to the Purple Lounge that they used to have here, that’s where this place is. Only, they’re not letting just anyone in off the street; in fact, the place looks utterly shuttered from the street. You have to be in the know. Even asking hotel staff about it will ilicit blank stares and denials of its existence. Again, you just have to know it’s there.
Which means you’ll enter the hotel lobby and find a discreet line forming off to the left of the check-​in counter (right by where Rudy’s barbershop is). If you’re not on the list, you damn well better be the hippest of the hip and/​or the prettiest of the pretty, because they are really limiting the crowd.
Once past the velvet rope, they’ll take you in the back way through the kitchen, a la Goodfellas, until you enter the lounge. I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty freaking cool.
The inside has been totally redone. Very dark inside. Well, but for the Hollywood Video sign inside that just stands out. And it’s reaaaally tiny. There is no question in my mind that this place will be an off-​the-​radar hotspot for the next months… unless they decide to shut it down before then.
You’ll definitely want to check out Smoke and Mirrors for a fun night. And you can trust me on this; I’m an Elite. ;)