Lahore Kebab

Nestled between the clubs and bars of U street is Lahore Kebab. The establishment serves pakistani/​indian cuisine along with jumbo slices of pizza. While I would not touch buffet style food that has been sitting inside a warmer for hours, I do frequent this establishment while on U street for their pizza. While not the best, its in a convenient location and offers halal beef pepperoni in a club like atmosphere that you have to see to believe.

Oh Anthony, you know Manny and Olga’s is crap (save their eggplant parm sub).
Sure, I’ve had better jumbo slice, but none with a rave theme. It’s no Pizza Mart, but what is?
I have a friend who thinks it’s the bee’s knees.

Lahore Kabob, aka Jumbo Slice Pizza, happened to be next door to a bar we had wandered into. We thought we’d have a quick slice and run to the X show. At first I was a little horrified. I saw the «pizza» pre-​sliced sitting out on the counter in the back kitchen. Then I smelled something absolutely wonderful. Right under my nose were steaming trays of Jamaican curries. I was having trouble making sense of all this, but had had a few drinks and felt adventurous. I asked to try the chick pea curry. Oh, my god! Seriously, people it was that good. I ordered a plate, 3 curries in all, with a side of rice with pigeon peas and the grrlz and I chowed down for $ 8! The guy behind the counter was quite entertained by us and dared us to try a few more items. I think we tried every curry they had (not the pizza, though). It was all delicious, so if you’re out and about in the U St neck of the woods give it a try. You will be happily surprised.

My mother taught me that if you can’t say something nice about someone, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
So…
hmmmm, let me think…
hold on a sec, just give me a minute here…
wait, I’ve got it. Location. Lahore Kabob is centrally located amid the hustle and bustle of U Street, between 13^th and 14^th. Yea, location… It’s got a really nice location.
That said…
The list of grotesque and disturbing things that I would rather do than ever return to Lahore Kebab is growing long in my mind. But I’ve just had a piece of a delicious apple caramel pie from Mocha Hut and I’m in a good mood, so I’ll spare you the details. Instead, let me just describe in a few bullets the key aspects of a recent experience there.
* Nothing is fresh. There are several consequences to this when you order food at the end of the day. For example, the lettuce in your gyro will be brown from having sat out all day. The gyro meet itself (two paltry strips) will be stiff and dry from apparently having been sliced (or thawed?) hours earlier, and then reheated briefly on a flat grill. The side orders are all salty. It took me a while to figure this one out, but I think they’ve been sitting on heaters so long that they are essentially dehydrating, with the salt concentrating in them. The «chicken tika» consists of two tough, dried out, over-​salted pieces of dark meat chicken. It tastes like someone roasted it with great care a week earlier.
* The service is sullen and unfriendly. You know when it seems like THEY’RE doing YOU a huge favor by serving you?
* While you are waiting for the sullen, unfriendly guy behind the counter to prepare your dried out, tough, over-​salted, and wilted food, another sullen and unfriendly guy is walking around the restaurant, poking holes in the paper-​lined wall with a pocket knife, and inserting burning incense sticks into said holes. At this point you probably think I’m kidding, right? Well, I’m not. Luckily I notice it’s a straight shot to the exit in case a raging inferno breaks out.
Wait, that’s a SECOND good thing I can say about this place!
Ladies and gentlemen, if you want a centrally located restaurant with a straight shot from the counter to the exit in case fire breaks out, Lahore Kebab on U Street is the place for you.