Jimmy Valentine’s Lonely Hearts Club

A friend of mine recommended this place to me and I will have to say that it’s a good spot. Its part dive part hipster. The house drink is the Mr. Lethal. Its a rootbeer slush with lots of vodka. The décor and ambiance is a comfortable local place. The location in NE DC is the definite detourent to the tourists showing up. Its just a cool place to hang out. Recommend after 1030pm.

This is my new favorite bar!!! Paid $ 75 for top shelf open bar for New Year’s Eve, and we could not have had a better night! Staff were super nice and very polite! I really can’t say enough about how much fun we had and how well it went on such a busy, crazy night!!!

Pretty cool spot. Chill, decent music selection, cheap delicious drinks.
The bar tender was attentive and made good drinks. I asked for an Irish mild, he didn’t know what it was so he asked and then obliged. Nice to see that still happens!

All the best things about dive bars exist here. Moody lighting, hilarious-​no-​nonsense bartenders, strange frozen drinks, interesting art, FUN djs with nothing to prove but that they can make people dance and beautiful mosaic skulls. Go, shake a tail feather and have a drink with other lonely hearts.

Part of me wants to say this place is awesome, eclectic, kinky, divey and a hidden gem. Part of me wants to say don’t go unless you’re tripping on something.
It’s really small and interesting, and the dj played pretty good music. But at some point the red lights and thumping music and weird art made me think I was the only one there not high. I’d probably go back…

Favorite dive bar in the area. Various djs with various music from weekend to weekend. Cash only. Be ware of the frozen drinks. They are punishing.

If this is your last stop of the evening before checking out at like 2:00 AM, you are in big trouble. Why, you might ask? It’s because of the epic Mr. Lethal — unctuously laden with immeasurable quantities of Everclear masquerading as an innocent kind of slushy root beer-​flavored drink. And if you don’t start seeing doubles of things right after your first one, more power to you. If you can grin and bear the temptation of this delicious yet appropriately-​named concoction, you are in for a pleasant time at jimmy Valentine’s Lonely Hearts Club.
Getting to Jimmy Valentines requires a little bit of patience and open-​mindedness to put it lightly. In all likelihood, most people come here via H street which requires the treacherous transit through the infamous «Starburst Crossing.» My solution: Simply walk on the other side of the street (where the CVS is) and avoid all that nonsense because it doesn’t get any better until you’ve gotten past the 7 – 11. By the time you get to Jimmy V’s — you should be able to safely cross to the warm embrace of the red velvet-​colored Jimmy Valentines. (This trip from the end of H Street should have taken you a whopping 7 minutes by the way — DEEP).
Expect a palatable drink menu, reasonable prices, and decently friendly staff most nights. The music can be cumbersome in some days (I think my first experience was off-​putting because of this weird electric Micronesian trance music with grunting sounds) but incredible other days (My memorization of just about every Led Zeppelin song really seemed to strike a good chord to some of the other patrons). Given the moody red atmosphere, the artwork adds a new surreal dimension — think pop art accented by political shock art — brazen and ballsy to say the least. I can only imagine what some of the more sensitive and weak-​stomached folks coming from say Sticky Rice would think…

This is such a funky bar. I almost don’t want to put it on Unilocal because then it will become just another overcrowded H St. bars, but ya’ll have the right to know how good it is. It has a hidden entrance, next to the deli. Walk inside and find a live DJ, a couch «lounge» area, and a full bar. The decorations are eclectic and everything is bathed in a pink neon light. Reminds me of little miss whiskeys back in the day. The bartenders are really nice too. The bathrooms were gross though. This is a fun place to go dancing late night!

Jimmy Valentine’s is a little hole in the wall bar that is in what seems to be a sketchy neighborhood off of H-​street. There isn’t an actual sign, so make sure you’re aware of the street #s. The bar serves a great selection of craft beers, and a strange root beer/​everclear slushie drink … hits hard. The music was sort of techno/​house/​electronic and fun to dance to. There was a doberman wandering around. I heard this place is open way later than any other place, which is probably why it wasn’t too packed on a Saturday night around 1am — the crowd must not have gotten kicked out of other bars yet. Looking forward to hitting this place up again soon!

I was brought here by a friend of a friend we ran into at the Rock and Roll Hotel on H St, and really enjoyed this hole in the wall.
There’s definitely a speakeasy feel to the place, as the windows are blacked out and there is no sign except for a red and blue light at the top of the building. When you enter, you’re welcomed with a DJ spinning, an eclectic mix of wall art, and various shrines to Cupid (above the bar) and Lindsay Lohan (in the bathroom).
It’s cash only, but there’s an ATM ($ 2.50 fee) in a phone booth at the back of the bar. I started with a Sunrise, which was a bit too syrupy for my taste, so I tried the Mr. Lethal (root beer + everclear slushie), which was definitely a hit.
The atmosphere of the place was really great. It was hopping, but not too busy, and the DJ played some great beats and I enjoyed myself on the dance floor for a bit. There’s an alley out back for smokers, and two bathrooms at the rear, which are a bit cramped and slightly dirty, but what do you really expect from a hidden gem dive bar like this?
I’d definitely go back, and will most definitely get another Mr. Lethal.

Three and a half stars. Looking to get blackout drunk on boozy (and cloyingly sweet) root beer? Here ya go, have an appropriately dubbed Mr. Lethal for cashmonies. Lighting is dim, tunes are loud, bathroom reasonably clean if cramped, décor is plentiful with a vaguely Commie flair that borders on fetishism long before you spot the stuffed panda over the bar. Various chaise options besides the barstools. I had high hopes for oontzy beats to soothe a lonely heart but the DJ that night had other plans. Not sure how much in the way of shenanigans can happen in this small dive bar but I’d be willing to find out.

This is a gem. The place to go when you’re not looking to be knocked into by sweaty people at Rock and Roll — the mild fright you will feel walking down Bladensburg and into the unmarked door are all part of the ambiance.
But seriously, PBR tallboys starting at $ 1 on Fridays at 8pm (and it’ll be empty at 8pm), increasing by $ 1 per hour past that. Bizarre communist themed décor, a red-​lit bathroom, and an awesome back smoking staircase. Not for the high-​maintenance.

Good selection of beer, but nothing you can’t get at home. Odd selection of liquor and bartending ability. Has Triple Smoke, but an inability to suggest anything besides having it straight. No bitters or sweet vermouth. Able to make a gin and tonic. Given all that, it needs atmosphere to make up for shortcomings. Any idiot can pour a beer and make a gin and tonic. A good bartender should be able to give *some* kind of suggestion. The atmosphere was good for a while, but then the place cleared out and the music stopped. On a weekend.
Definitely interesting stuff on the walls, from the prints to the skulls to the random knick-​knacks. Don’t expect to see anything fancy, but some of the prints are pretty interesting. You could spend half the night spying new random toys and stickers and such. Some interesting old furniture; salon chairs, barber chairs, antiquey looking chairs.
Agreed on not using the bathroom if you can avoid it.
Watch out for the roid-​rage dude that works there. He’s everything you might expect, so give a wide berth.

had «mr. lethal». loved «mr. lethal»… on a more culinary note, the slushy stayed super slushy the entire time, which was awesome! i hate it when u order a slushy and ½ way thru the ice and water starts separating, and ¾ ways thru it’s just warm syrup. ruins the whole night #firstworldproblems. also available, TIGER BEER – at a non-​asian establishment!!! brings back traveling memories to the motherland. and 24oz Tecate!
This time we went on a saturday night, the music was more electronica/​techno oriented. tried to request song. request DENIED.

Non-​hipsters beware — this is not your typical H Street bar. Jimmy’s most closely mirrors its sister bar, Little Miss Whiskey’s, but is really in a league of its own. Jimmy V’s is really a pioneer establishment — the first on Bladensburg Rd where many more are sure to follow in the near future. If you haven’t been yet, go, because this place is a DC institution!
Remember to bring cash. Beer selection is excellent.
This is a great dance party location (think Saint-​Ex about 5+ years ago) with excellent DJs and extremely loud music.
Just don’t use the bathroom.

This place is epic. You will follow your one friend who has been there before, pass the Argonaut and turn left and then walk for a suspiciously long time. Long enough to doubt your friend’s judgement, choice and overall sanity.
But then, you finally make it and enter a room that looks like a hipster brothel (in a good way). You’ll saunter up to the bar and discover that on Fridays PBR starts at $ 1 and goes up every hour. You will get slightly heckled by the only other two people in there, who tell you you missed $ 2 PBR by 5 minutes. CURSES.
We were outnumbered by the staff for the first hour or so (10:00−11:00ish) and then suddenly people were coming in in droves. It’s not a huge bar and there aren’t a TON of seats, so maybe get there before 11:30 if you want a seat.
Great place to grab a drink and impress your friends — just be prepared for doubt to set in on the walk over.
And then you’ll get home and look this place up on Unilocal and be like THEY HAD ROOT BEER SLUSHIES?!? #fail. Next time.

One of the best dive bars in the city, hands down. There is a no sign outside the door and looks pretty creepy from the outside, and honestly a little creepy from the inside as well. But the place is so chill, with a great beer list and a tendency to attract eclectic clientele which always make for interesting conversations and absolutely ridiculous nights!
There is nothing pretty about this place, well other than the beer selection, but that makes it all the better.

Just a couple of blocks down from the H Street corridor lies the unmarked Jimmy Valentine’s Lonely Hearts Club. Inside, one can find a truly bizarre set of artwork, rather exceptional music, and perhaps one of the strongest alcoholic concoctions in the entire city (the appropriately named Mr. Lethal).
The choices in artwork have been best described by Matthew M: «Maoist kitsch, ghoulish paraphernalia, and random un-​PC odds and ends lining the walls.» That review was written in 2008 but it certainly still holds true.
The music is largely dependent on the night of the week and the particular DJ, but expect anything ranging from classic rock to dubstep to South African dance music (not in the same night). If you don’t like the music one night, there is a strong chance you will be delighted with the choices the very next night.
What does not change is the strength of the aforementioned Mr. Lethal. This slushie drink appears to have been spiked with copious amounts of everclear all hidden by the sugary goodness of the root beer. The chances of you blacking out if you drink more than 5 of these are approximately 1156%. I’d suggest a slight level of caution although I’ll add that this is the type of place that is probably best enjoyed without regard to inhibition.
Much has been made about the location of this bar being in an unsafe neighborhood. It is a five block walk, if that, from H Street. Unless you are a complete asshole, you should be fine.
If you are looking for a less boisterous rendition of the H Street scene that highlights the more eclectic aspects of the neighborhood, you will probably like this bar.

I initially refused to leave the car because naturally I assumed that this bar would be filled with the local ghettoites using their EBT cards to purchase malt liquor. The three pudgy hoodlums with a woman wearing a shower cap standing across the street did not help. But then I saw a white guy in a polo shirt exit the bar so I went in after all.
On the one hand, it was filled with hipsters dancing (I use the term loosely) to dubstep. I know dubstep’s all the rage right now but it’s not my thing. On the other hand, there was a giant German Shepherd calmly walking around. There were also free cupcakes which would normally be awesome but I assumed the hipsters made them gluten-​free or roofied them or something so I didn’t have any. But I did pet the dog.

Good bar-​bar
Selection is pleasing
People are (typically) cool
JVLHC is packed with personality. That warrants two stars right up front. A great bartender adds another star, putting us in business overall. Relation to Little Miss Whiskey’s lends a family air of coolness to boot…
…but no crowd except the three-​pack I rolled in with, and a lone lady at the other end of the bar is less encouraging. It’s not that I had a bad time, or there were bar shortcomings, but my enjoyment was curtailed by having to wonder what previously-​mentioned lady’s predicament was.
At any rate, between the bartender and my party, we had some good stories, some good drink specials, and some good scrapbook photos of the former «pick-​up-​outlying-​patrons-​cuz-​locals-​is-​too-​sketched-​out» business model’s pyeempin’ limousine. And two of my party were about as local as you get to Jimmy Valentine’s. I like a good limousine story. I love a good bar with personality. I enjoy good bartenders. And still — might have to rate this less of a 3-​star/​4-​star place, and more like «Incomplete» from my visit. There’s a certain «modeled after bars of yore, and yet position and vibe ahead of its time» in-​betweenness to Jimmy Valentine’s. I don’t suppose they’ll ever specifically overcome that, but you can try it nevertheless.
So really, that’s it —
1) Drop by.
2) Have a drink.
3) Consider, then fall for, another drink.
4) Look around, consider your state, and decide for yourself.
5) Then walk out and admire the brilliant quilt on the façade of this goddamn bar, willyaplease?
Thank you.