Bargain World

There’s a life-​size robot Santa Clause outside here, dancing and holding a sign that says «Please Don’t Touch». There may be a bum outside, as there was last week, cackling at the Santa and drawling, «I bet he cost a LOTTA money!» No Santa should be able to move his hips like that.
Anyway, you’ll love the specials in this store. «Adult Bubble Jackets» are only $ 29.99. This store is like the inside of a giant shoebox, with weird Christmas songs blasting from a boombox on a shelf. The merchandise is set out on tables crowded throughout the store, so that you think you’re on the salesfloor of an indoor flea market. Every square inch of the wall is hanging with must-​sell items. «Ladies Fancy Panties» are only $ 2.99…and the best, «Female Girdle» is only $ 5.99. Get all your Christmas shopping here and have some left over for lunch at «Seafood and Crab» across the street.