Waterfront Renaissance Trail

Short but beautiful walking path on the stunning Columbia River. It’s worth the stop, a couple of laps and maybe a coffee or a happy hour at McMenamins or Beaches.

Parking at Wintler Park,
we parked our car and strode a paved promenade with modernist, yuppie condos with glass decks streaked with seagull guano on one side and ghetto beaches on the other. Sailboats and docking pilons dotted our vision of the Columbia River, along with a view of Mt. Hood, SHINING BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND on our return from the west.
A sign said: NO LEWED BEHAVIOR OR PUBLIC EXPOSURE.
You hear that, schweaty dudes! No BJ’s either!
No making babies in this park either. All babies conceived here must immediately be surrendered to the Vancouver Parks and Recreation Illicit Conception Division.
As the trail continued east, we found a series of very ugly interpretive signs that seemed to make heavy use of clip-​art, emoticons, and poorly photoshopped images in a confusing mess of visual display.
A bench looked our over a mud flat, facing a barb-​wire topped fence perhaps three feet a way. Great make out spot. A gaggle of skeezy youths crouched below some scrubby trees by a rock strewn beach, a rogue’s gallery of holiday makers. They looked dangerous, but content.
Toddlers froclicked in the gentle waves, lapping against the uninviting beach, with an intimidating, barbed-​wire fenced ringed factory in the background sporting a utilitarian, Soviet aesthetic.
Ft. Vancouver is your typical historical fort. It has several old buildings surrounded by acres of mowed lawn. It might be a good place to have a fireworks show or a protest. Otherwise, skip it unless you have a squalling infant in your arms.
The beach at Whitler that marked the beginning and end of our journey was, if not a delight to behold, a delight to lay upon in the May sun. The red-​bellied pale fellow on his phone loomed as a child sang with delight to no one, and for no particular reason.
I got my vitamin D. I’m happy.