Ellen’s Hallmark Shop

I like this place, because it’s the only Hallmark within a 20 mile radius of my house and I have to get those damn overpriced Christmas ornaments every year! I don’t know how I got sucked into it, but that adorable Snowball and Tuxedo ornament draws me into this vortex every December. Luckily, they usually have what I want in stock at this location. And it’s easy to get to. The employees are okay, not overly helpful and not rude, but they move at a slower pace than the rest of the general population. Hallmark as a brand is overpriced, but if you sign up for the rewards card, they do send you coupons. I made the mistake of sending my man in to get a few things and he came out with a receipt for 3 digits worth of merchandise. My daughter loves her new stuffed Grumpy Cat so all is well, and we’ll be back next year!

Christmas brings back memories of «Miracle on 34^th Street», that classic movie in which a department-​store Santa refers shoppers to another brand of department store when the other store could serve their needs better. It’s heartwarming, because Kris Kringle wants customers to be happy.
I was reminded of Miracle on 34^th Street today when I wanted to buy an ornament. Ellen’s Hallmark in Tampa Palms didn’t have it in stock. When I asked them to help me find another store that had it, they called another Hallmark store out in Citrus Park. They were about to call stores in Largo and Sun City Center when I asked if there wasn’t a Hallmark store in Carrollwood. Oh no, they claimed, there are no Hallmark stores in Carrollwood.
I got out my phone, looked it up, called the Carrollwood Hallmark store, and had them hold the ornament for me so I could pick it up tonight. When I cheerfully reported that I’d found it at the Carrollwood store, the employee made a face and said, «Oh, *well*. That’s a *Johnston’s* Hallmark store. We’re *Ellen’s* Hallmark.»
Let that sink in for a minute.
A Hallmark store refused to acknowledge the existence of another Hallmark store — one that I would drive straight past on my way out to the Citrus Park store they called — because it wasn’t franchised by the same greetings baron.
I’ve bought plenty of cards here, and the employees even recognized my wife as a frequent shopper last week. We really like their merchandise. And yet Ellen’s Hallmark would rather have sent me ACROSS THE BAY to Largo than to their fellow Hallmark franchise a few miles away.
Here’s a map, in case you don’t know the area:
Kris Kringle would be appalled. Hallmark’s customer service department would be appalled. In fact, speaking of classic Christmas movies, there’s only one character I can think of that would applaud Ellen’s Hallmark for this underhanded, disingenuous, time-​and-​gas-​wasting stunt.
The three words that best describe Ellen’s Hallmark are as follows, and I quote:
Stink,
Stank,
STUNK!