Squatty Potty

The Squatty Potty is amazing. I’ve always been constipated but with the squatty potty, it’s easy to go. You can actually feel your bowel opening up as soon as you put your feet on it. I LOVE it!

Do not purchase! It seems like a funny gag gift or a good idea, but it is not! It gives you hemorrhoids! Seriously, it does! Do not buy.

Heard Howard talk about for a while now and had Moms get me one for Christmas. Great craps. Full evacuation. Get yourself one today!

This is a bit silly, and probably embarrassing for you to purchase, but its like when I bought flushable wipes for the first time. I was so weirded out by the idea of using baby wipes. But now nothing else touches my ass. I’ve discovered the fine things of life. Its a revelatory experience. Human beings historically have always squatted, while the toilet (aka the shitter) is a recent invention. The toilet doesn’t allow your lumbar and stomach muscles to do their job in pushing out your… ahem…waste because of the sitting position. Also it kinks your rectum (think of pinching a garden hose when you’re trying to stop the water flow) Squatting however, allows your body to easily release your inner demons without all the work and grunting and sweating and hemorrhoids that most people get. This squatter changes everything. If your toilet is low to the ground you can kind of simulate before buying what its like. Give it a go. Your life will be changed, and laying cable will now be the favorite part of your daily routine.
EDIT: see this info graphic for more about how it works. its pretty interesting.

Brilliant idea! Changing my toilet posture changed my life. The Squatty Potty works like a charm.

Who knew a piece of plastic molded properly and made specifically for an key, daily activity could be so damn bomb?
Having received this as a gift, everyone laughed at the shock and horror which spread across my face when I opened it. I can’t help it — sometimes my facial expressions have a mind of their own. My inner thoughts were along the lines of: ‘What the shit kind of gift is this?!?’ To me, it was initially a gimmicky piece of plastic. But a real man can admit when he is wrong and now it is one of the favorite things in my house and perfectly compliments my morning Nespresso. Perfectly froamed 1-​minute espresso and the Squatty Potty are a match made in heaven… :O
In a nutshell, the Squatty Potty (SP) was designed by a family out of St. George with colon problems and just go read the numerous reviews on Amazon as many SP endorsers are those with real medical issues. See, the modern toilet is a recent, Western creation and not conducive to properly placing one’s colon to expunge waste at the proper angle that evolution has intended. Squatting is how our bodies are designed; the SP helps put the colon at the natural, evolutionary angle on the toilet.
My first experience with the SP was a trip…
It was a cold morning. After awaking and making a perfect latte compliments of a Nespresso/​Aeroccino combo with a dash of hazelnut sugar-​free syrup, I read my emails outside in my backyard patio while in taking the cold, fresh air that my lungs always so desperately crave early in the morning. Five minutes into reading my emails, news, and sports, as routine, it was time to relieve my core. Inhaling a final, deep breath of crisp, air, I got up and made my way to the restroom, where I saw the SP I received and had placed there the night prior as well as a half-​finished crossword puzzle on the tiled floor ready to be picked up. I looked at my phone since my perusing was incomplete, then the crossword puzzle, and then back at the phone and I supposed that I should make a proper introduction to the SP and decided that it was a crossword-​puzzle type of morning. And since it was going to be a proper introduction, of course I completely disrobed waist-​down for maximum flexibility.
The problem with a cold morning is inherently and always the initial placement of the buttocks on porcelain. I slid the SP out a few inches as the website suggested, grabbed the crossword puzzle and the mechanical pencil that was strewn next to it, and gingerly began my descent on the cold porcelain. Note to self: I should really invest in a heated seat. Once I sat down, I looked at the clue for 5-​across and placed my feet on the SP. As soon as my feet were properly placed on the SP, a bellowing came from deep in Middle Earth — akin to the reaction of the Balrog when Gandalf said ‘You shall not pass.’ Needless to say, I was a little shocked. I shook it off as an anomaly and looked back at 5-​across.
As I’ve been trained by Western civilization toilets, I went to clench (for lack of a better scientific term) my shit muscle. As soon as I clenched — and I didn’t even get a full clench in — everything came out like it was sliding out of a Slurpee Cup held upside down. If I had to name a movie after it, it would be «Fast and Furious 7: The Return of the Huxtables.» I dropped the crossword puzzle and pencil in astonishment. I saw the lead break on the pencil. I didn’t care — more important forces were in tow. I clenched again, again, and again, as Western Civilization has trained me to, and there was no need. I was done. Two minutes. Also, the toilet paper needed to finish the job was minimal. Perhaps Sheryl Crow has either squatted or had a SP all along…
Ever since I’ve been using the SP, my happiness has improved. There are few things better than a righteous, as-​nature-​intended, dump to soothe the soul. No wonder dogs prance around all happy and shit (pun intended) after a #2!
Namaste. And go get one!