Something Rainbow

I’m not sure if the guy working at the counter hates women or just people in general. But man, he is not a happy guy.
He scowled at us the entire time we were in the store.
He rolled his eyes when we giggled (hey, blow-​up dolls are funny).
He reached very slowly for the rainbow sticker we wanted. Then told us the price in an incredibly bored way.
You sell rainbows, you asshole. Act rainbow-​like.

Hello, I’m Harvey Fierstein. Excuse the frog in my throat, but I have three words for you… just three words… Pecker Party Ware.
Yes, be the penile envy of the party with your complete set of pecker party ware. You can have matching forks, knives and spoons in a flattering pink flesh-​tone color with handles that resemble… well, let’s just say they don’t enlarge when they get warm.
Otherwise, you may just have to settle for a box of penile pasta… yes, rotelle pasta has never looked so anatomically life-​like, especially al dente. Or share a bowlful of penile gummy bears the next time you have the Daughters of the American Revolution over to the house.
We have cards. We have blow-​up dolls. We have lovely ceramic pieces that would fit the décor of any American home, especially if you’re going for a Caligula theme. Why, you can fill your home with all our genitalia reproductions which I’m sure will have your guests coming up to you and asking with just a whiff of jealousy…“Where the hell did you get that?“
Looking for the ideal Mothers Day gift? Or better yet, the Father’s Day gift your father will never forgive… I mean, forget? Look no further… I have it right in here… no, I mean over here.