Latino’s Grocery

Sketchy little liquor store, but definitely has fair deals on beer and booze. I wouldn’t make this my one stop shop for every item, but on your way home from the bars; they can keep your buzz going strong. Tall cans are their best deal, most are less than $ 3 each and come in a wide variety; with many selections catering to the Latino community. If you happen to stop by, I suggest trying a Regia lager beer from El Salvador, it’s probably one of the best beers to come out of Central America.

DO NOT GO HERE. The workers are so creepy. It makes me feel uneasy when I was there because ALL the workers keep looking at me, as I tried to scan the selections of beverages. It’s very unsafe for women and uncomfortae. The cashier, the one with long grey hair and glasses proceeded to hit on me as I checked out, making inappropriate comments. I don’t recommend this place for women or ANYONE for that matter. No one should support such a business.

After a quick shopping trip in the Mission, I was parched and needed something to quench my thirst. Not totally sure why I decided on kombucha, but hey — it seemed like the right move at the time.
There’s not much to this store. An octogenarian running the register, a collection of wines and spirits, general medicines, etc… But one thing to note was their crazy flavored chips.
I’m a huge fan of snack foods and was stoked to see jalapeño cheddar Cheetos and chili & lime Sabritones. The latter is like a healthy pork rind with a perfectly lime-​y kick. I could easily eat a whole bag. The Cheetos were a nice treat as well, though less impressive than I’d have hoped for.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to visit again, but in a pinch it does the trick.

This place was open a little earlier than 9am on a Sunday, which was nice because I was parched and needed water and some crackers. They have a small selection of market goods, your typical liquor/​alcohol section, and the cashier didn’t say a single word to me besides «$ 3.09», but whatever, it was an early Sunday morning.

I only had a $ 20 and the guy would not sell me a bottle of water.
Other corner stores nearby (but unfortunately, not on my way to BART) are much nicer.

There has been a rash of gun violence in my neighborhood the past few weeks. I know what you’re thinking and it’s not me pistol whipping my ho’s for under earning. No, it’s gang retaliation. Such a shame, because this part of the mission would be a really nice place to live if it weren’t for these kids (and they’re literally kids) shooting one another. Where are the parents in this situation, but more importantly, why aren’t the cops walking the beat more often? Don’t get me wrong, I admire the SFPD and think they do a fine job. But they’re probably understaffed and certainly over-​worked. You’re probably never going to see the camera crew of COPS around the 24^th street BART station. The SFPD has more important things to do. Some other day I’ll tell the story of how the owner of the corner store on 26^th street was attacked by a homeless man with a machete. People don’t have to play Grand Theft Auto in my neighborhood. It occurs in real life.
I only mention these crimes because a stray bullet entered the open window of my dining room at 4 in the morning and put a hole in the wall. I found the bullet when I woke up and keep it as a souvenir of sorts. As I relay this story to a few of my poker buddies, one of them shares a more horrifying tale in mid sentence. He is kind of a ‘one upper’ sort of dude. What is he trying to prove here? Do you really want to brag about how much more dangerous your street is compared to mine? Just shut up and deal the cards my friend.
Anyhow, Latino’s Grocery is my favorite corner store. It’s muy bueno. That is about the extent of my Spanish speaking skillz, although I took 2 years of it in college. I also know how to ask for the location of the bathroom in Spanish too, which has surprisingly come in quite useful in the past. It’s also more polite than using hand gestures when I have to pee.
The man behind the counter of Latino’s Grocery is a very nice young man who likes to talk about his wife and kids with a smile on his face. The one time I needed to purchase condoms within the last 6 months, he just gave me my change with a wink and a nod. I like him a lot. But I worry about his safety as of late. God forbid the machete wielding homeless man is back on the streets.
4 stars.
OMG, I made through an entire review without dropping the ‘F’ bomb. It’s a fucking miracle…

Man I am so going to change this Biz Listing if I ever become a Unilocal Mod. I’d be a great Unilocal Mod because in High School I WAS a Mod. I wore ski pants alla time. Bowling shoes. Granny glasses. Dr. Smith sweaters. Dated the cutest girl who always had either a full on Jean Seberg or a flip. And me with Brian Jones bangs. Also, I’m a good dancer. None of which will serve you well at Latino’s.
Latino’s is not a Grocery. Latino Liquor’s is what it says outside. And it oughtta be called Latino’s, We’ll Sell You Some Liquor As We Ourselves Come From The Middle East. I mean, just to be fair. The money is pretty much leaving the Latino Community as fast as they can spend it at Latino’s.
Not my favorite Corner Store by a wide margin, but I’ll be damned if at one point (the days of the SNES) it wasn’t MY corner Store. Way before Whitey had made his many beacheads here in The Mission. I was a damn pioneer here when walking down to Pop’s would’ve curled your toes. Someone would’ve said Boogity and you’d have just thrown ‘em your ATM card. Just the B&E skeeviness of the McDonald’s parking lot would’ve made you call your mom crying for airfare home.
Because they only really sell stuff here to rot both gut and tooth (sodas and stale candy bars, all the Cisco’s, Night Train, 40s, shit! they might still sell Ripple), I’m-a get lost with this one song. See ya Latino’s!
[SF/​X; Beastie Boys — Brass Monkey]
Update 01÷07÷06: Last night in between singing Little Red Corvette and Oh Sherrie at the Napper this became The Convenience Store, if not The Store Of Least Resistance, and I had the best time at Latino’s EVER! The same dick from back when this was my corner store was behind the counter (on his celly being a dick to someone, probably a relation, it was ever thus). I think he was probably a movie star in Iran in the 60s, but he’s still basically a dick.
What reset the tempo was that I went with my friend, whom I will refer to in this review as Rebecca X. RX is built like a brick building that is made from bricks and she took to the small gray coin-​op Pony Ride outside like brick buildings take to stoops. Any time a car stopped at Capp & 24^th as they galloped, the driver would try and pretend not to gawk and she’d admonish them thus, «You know you wanna ride!». They’d drive on, fronting on her, as impossible to ignore as an ambulance driving through a Kansas wheatfield with sirens set to «Fuck all Ya’all». When the ride ceased its gyrations I emptied my pockets into it, Gent that I am. As the Gap band once said, Don’t Miss That Train. Please pretend that I originally gave Latino’s the Goose Egg but raised it Two Stars on the merit of having this ride.