Get Mortified

Get there early!
The show was hilarious and the band Freeze was charming and funny. Only been once and practically peed my pants laughing so hard. Thoroughly enjoyed 3 of the 5 performances. Would definitely go again, however I’m not feeling the packed in like a sardine look. Not cute. Stood in line for an hour prior to the show to swoop a seat only to be slammed into, drinks poured on me and bitches with their laundry quarters dropped on my neck. Don’t necessarily blame the others there to view the show, but management for packing people in so tight. Unsure if this is ADA accessible either.
Get there early! I mean it! If not, be prepared to stand the entire show and rub more than elbows with people — and not in a good way. In a hella fucking annoying way.
Yo, management: why don’t you raise ticket prices a few bucks and let less people in so I don’t ruin my outfit and have to endure the dude’s BO whose decided not to shower the past week. THX!

This is a must see! The show is raw and hilarious. The collective awkward experience of adolescence makes this a fun and intimate night out. There is a great vibe in crowd and lots of laughs to be had. A great date night.

Great stories and seemed genuine to me. Show loses a few points with it’s way too loud but great music while they never start the show on time. Loses MAJOR points with the band Freeze which is the worst wanna be rap ever. Get there super early or plan to stand for the show. Lose the band and it’s a wonderful show.

So fun, go!

Always fun to hear teenage thoughts, sexual exploits, and high school gossip from adults! I was surprised at the range of ages of the readers — from late 20s through 50s, and they were all hilarious. The audience is also super supportive, especially several who seemed a little nervous. These are all regular people, reading their REAL diaries, and it’s such a fun experience!
Make sure to show up early. or at least on time, unlike me =). I had to stand in the back the entire time.

TL;DR — Declines in fun over time, go at least once for the unique experience.
I’ve been a handful of times, most of them at the old Makeout room location in the Mission and most recently at the DNA Lounge. The show felt better and more participatory when we were all packed into the Makeout room and I didn’t notice recycled performances from previous shows. The intimate vibe and closeness to the stage were amazing.
The most recent show at the DNA Lounge was disappointing:
— Billed as a larger venue with more seating, it failed to live up to this promise. Basically the same number of seats, lots more standing room, and an abundance of *reserved tables* upstairs. Not knowing building codes, I would say they didn’t make good use of the additional free space.
-

I saw the 6^th anniversary show at Shattuck Down Low in Berkeley. Hearing these stories was a remarkable experience. Some of their writings were surprisingly mature for intimate teenage musings, to the point that I wondered if they’d been rewritten.
Regardless, hearing that other people were more awkward and confused than you as teenagers was hysterical. A return trip is in order. Maybe I’ll see a first-​time reader go through a catharsis on stage.
When should you get there? The website recommends at least 30 minutes before the scheduled showtime and on my night that was accurate. Doors opened at 7, we arrived around 720 for a scheduled 8 start. We had a choice of seats but a couple dozen people had to stand. The show actually started at 815 – 830 and that allowed us to buy a second drink and get back to our seats… a definite plus.
*Make sure you bring your tickets, in print or on a smartphone.* There’s no list of names.

Over time, the producers of this show have milked this shows success. As I write this review, I’ve had to wait for 1.2 hours since the doors have opened, and 45 minutes later than the show was scheduled to start. Prices for bottled of water are $ 4 and the heat from the packed in crowd is unbearable. To top it off, the speaking guests have been recycled from a previous show. I’ll never see this show again.

Funnier than any professional stand-​up comedy club, I’ve been 9 or 10 times over the past 4 years. Adults read their teenage love letters, diaries, journals, song lyrics to a room of strangers. Makes a great date night out or an early evening group night out. Should be less over-​crowded now that it’s at DNA Lounge.

Came this close (…) to peeing my pants.
I never kept a diary with graphic images of my adolescent sex fantasies. Nor did I write a 300-​page novel to convince myself (and three teachers) that I was not homosexual. But there are people in this world, nay, in this glorious country that did, and I am so grateful that I now know that.
Uh-​mazing.

If there were more stars to give, I would give them. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I laughed so hard my face hurt. I saw the «doomed valentines» show at the Shattuck Down Low, and it was exquisite. I can’t wait to see them again next month!

I saw the show at Berkeley’s Shattuck Down Low. My wife had seen the show in DC and SF and wanted me to check it out. I didn’t know what to expect. I guessed it would be a modest gathering of people who managed to document their awkward youth in bad poetry. In actuality we got there to find a line outside and standing room only inside. All available seats were taken when we walked in, but the wait at the bar wasn’t bad.
There were 5 performers (ranging 30−40yo) who got up to the mic to share their stories. An MC started it off with some trivia and prizes which got the mood going. Each of the performers shared something different and all were very entertaining. The house band The Freeze were good and free-​styled between the readers; riffing on highlights from the story just told.
I had a good time and would see it again, but I recommend getting there as early as you can so you don’t end up with an obscured view. Short walk from BART. Very good time for $ 15.

If I could give six stars I would. Heartachingly funny.

Do you ever get that panicked feeling inside where you think to yourself, «sh*t! did I turn off the stove?» or perhaps «I hope to everything that is holy my mother didn’t pull out the photo album of me in hyper color leggings which turned to special colors in really inappropriate areas» when you bring your first real boyfriend home?
WELL.
If these things and emotions have handicapped you from moving on with your life, you need to come get mortifed.
Plain and simple.
See? It’s a cathartic experience, to retell the deep dark secrets and introspective moments of your life as a teen and perhaps a late blooming virgin.
I saw my first Mortified performance at the Starry Plough in Berkeley and couldn’t have been more thrilled by the cramped, intimate storytelling that went on for 90 minutes.
6 brave (and perhaps drunk) people got up on stage and shared their tales of angst against the popular kids (damn them) and a burgeoning sexuality while trying to remain a evangelical Christian while dry humping. Inappropriate break ups and make ups and hair were all exposed for the public to see and I, as an admirer laughed and laughed all night.
I highly recommend this to anyone who needs a good laugh… no. a GREAT laugh and who just loves a good story.
It is almost as if you get insight into the lives of these random strangers and suddenly your teen years make sense. Or in my case make me realize I was a rather dull child ;-)
Tickets were cheap and the beer was too. A great night to spend with a date or with friends.

I attended a Get Mortified show when a good friend of mine auditioned for the show and made it in. A group of friends went to support her, most of us not knowing what exactly to expect. There were 5 people ‘performing’ that night and each of them had me laughing harder than the last. If they all were like my friend, then yes, they were 100% authentic stories. Some were funny because we could relate, others just from listening to the horrors of youth. We were all raving about it afterwards and would definitely plan an outing again, even if a friend wasn’t in it.

Oh my dear god. I literally can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard.
I was really wary when this was suggested as a Saturday night date. For starters, I don’t really love going out in the Mission. Then the way it was described to me made me think I was being dragged to a spoken word poetry event. I was 90% certain I’d be the only guy there without visible tattoos and vintage hipster attire.
But my date is pretty damn hot and I’ve been know to be flexible under those conditions.
I’m fairly articulate but there are no words that can express the hilarity that ensued. I won’t repeat what was heard, even in snippets, as it wouldn’t do justice to the people who actually had the guts to get up there and read.
Now I suspect that a solid 30% of the readings were scripted or contrived rather than genuine diary entries, but that doesn’t detract in the slightest. If anything it makes for great conversational opportunities as to what was real or not.
I’ll be going back. Probably again and again.
The Makeout Room was a great venue for it too. Cheap drinks, bartenders who make a strong pour and dim lighting. What could be better for a second date?

Mortified is universal. It is hard not to identify with the brave souls who get up on stage and share their most embarrassing moments from childhood that have been immortalized in the form of diary entries, poems, songs, and videos. It is more honest than stand-​up, and more comedic than therapy. It is the space between identifying with your younger self, and rejecting it. There is a pride that comes with being the one with the most embarrassing past and these performers, in front of huge sold out crowds, get to become celebrities for having been oftentimes the least popular, smelly fat kid in high school.
Some of the mortified have found future success outside of mortified from sharing their more embarrassing and childish moments. Take for example the famous case of Laurent Martini, your average thirty something antiques dealer who chose a life of quiet, lower middle class comfort rather than following his childhood dreams of becoming an 80’s hair metal god: traveling the world, rocking arenas, ravaging groupies, devouring drugs and booze, and starting the occasional switchblade fight… That is, until he found Mortified. Since reading at Mortified excerpts from his list of over 120 songs that he penned at the age of 14, his imaginary band, LIVE EVIL, has become a reality. He now is the lead singer of of the band that he had given up on so many years ago. LIVE EVIL is regularly the Mortified SF house band, has toured to LA, has sold the rights to a movie about Laurent’s life and LIVE EVIL, and has recorded an album of 13 of the songs that he thought would stay locked away in the Trapper Keeper of his youth. Now an adult, Laurent is finding that the youth that he had forgotten is now the future that he had only dreamed of.
This is the magic of Mortified. It reminds us to embrace our inner child before we throw it under the bus.

Can you. .. imagine having, at age 13, written a screenplay called Apocalyptic Island about deflowering the woman of your dreams — played by Phoebe Cates — while stranded on a desert island? Or being a 15 year old girl, keeping a journal about how your breasts ached for a man’s touch? Or being a precocious teen poet with a stunning vocabulary but nothing to write about except your head cold and disdain for pastels?
Now imagine being a grownup and reading your teen-​ruminations out loud to a full audience in a bar. .. backed up by a band called Live Evil (yes — it’s a palindrome!), featuring a bass player who looks stunningly like Lemmy, who can’t stop laughing — like everyone else in the room — because this shit is FUNNY. Yup — it’s funny, because it’s true. ..

I saw this at JCC in Berkeley. I didn’t know what to expect. It could be hilarious or painfully awful. So we sat in the back on the aisle in case we needed to make a quick exit.
There is hilarity in the painfull awful embarassing moments of youth. I laughed so hard I thought I would number 3. This is not an open mic kind of thing. These are real people and each reading is hilarious and smart and engaging.
I am totally going to go see it again.

You know how you occasionally stumble upon artifacts from a distant past you’d rather not remember? A past filled with training bras, painful orthodontics, freewheeling angst and dreams of what it might feel like to French somebody?
In Get Mortified, people get in front of an audience and actually share said artifacts, whether they be diary entries, love notes, short stories, videos or song lyrics. And you, the audience, gets to have drinks and laugh at them.
In short, it is HILARIOUS, and it RULES.
You can catch it once every month or two at the Make-​Out Room.