Cochon 555 – San Francisco @ The Fairmont Hotel

555 Stars for the product and talent involved with Cochon 555 directly — Brady Lowe and his crew are passionate (Hi, Mom!) and absolutely wonderful in every way.
3.75 Stars for the venue — granted, it was a warm day, but we didn’t have nearly enough space; even with the A/​C on, I was sweating like a carnivore at a vegan convention.
2 Stars for the format of the production — which I truly believe will be kick-​ass/​kick-​ham next year. Without getting bitchy, these are a few things I found wanting about the format, specifically:
— Poor to difficult visibility and nearly impossible to hear demonstrations by expert butchers and heritage pork producers. Raised platform or projection screen next year, please! Quality of snaps bummed me out because most demos and stations were back-​lit.
— 5 Chefs with multiple tastings in far corners of a rectangular ballroom. Hungry me, flying solo… in high heels from 3:30 — 8:00pm — I would have loved some sort of seating arrangement, even if it had been bar or communal format.
Just observations and suggestions; nothing but love for Cochon 555! Congratulations to the winner of the SF leg of the tour, Staffan Terje of Perbacco!!! I had dinner there the Friday of that weekend and was able to manage some well-​wishes to the crew who would be in attendance on Sunday.
As I have but 5,000 characters, I’m doing highlights only, because it was a total Porkgasm and just trust me: DO IT.
I did the VIP experience which is the ONLY way to go… imagine a porcine spa experience and the ability to rub trotters with Mr. Niman himself and to chat with Chris Cosentino of Incanto fame and the Food Network + his brilliant band from Boccalone. «Oh, you’re the one who’s always buying up the Lard Caramels!» Guilty, as charged.
Just so you know: I managed not to squeal like a little girl and worship the silhouette of a pig he’s got inked on his arm. There is no pic with me standing next to him because (a) my camera was already slick with pork fat and (b) I was concentrating on not peeing my pants… just another nonchalant admirer, not a crazy fan. Interesting coincidence: I have enshrined my right hand and am now learning to do everything with my left… since the hand that clasped Chris Cosentino’s is now sacred.
Hog Island Oysters were nice, and I wish they’d provided more than a lone shucker. I only slurped down 4 bivalves because I was saving room for the good stuff — the problem was: it was ALL good stuff.
The two Artistan Cheese vendors (see official event info for deets) were generous and extremely knowledgeable. I consider myself a fromage fiend and I learned a few things. Delish!
I can’t drink, so I cannot speak to the free-​flowing vino veritas, Magnolia’s Pork Lord brew or the special cocktails… but there was no shortage of blissed out smiles in blueberry hues.
Water is not the ideal match for washing down copious amounts of porky goodness, so I was relieved to find (on the far end of the ballroom) a bin of Limonata and Aranciata cans chilling on ice to cleanse the palate.
Lard, I swear that I am NOT stalking the brilliant Ryan Farr of 4505 Meats and his incomparable chicharrones — I just arrived early for his whole hog butchering demo. Slightly awkward + exhillarating moment when he said, «You’re the Porkgasm Girl! People email that pic to me all the time. And now I travel with a private bodyguard… just know I intend to serve you with a restraining order.»
I keed, I keed. His skills were fascinating, hands deft and precise, all with a smile. Then again, he was holding all of the very sharp knives. So cool: after he broke down his 140 lb. hog, there was a business card drawing for amazing cuts of meat, easily valued at $ 60+ a package.
Ciara: despite your suspicions and photographic evidence, I did NOT deplete the 4505 chicharrones and do solemnly swear to ship some down to you, so long as they don’t fall off a truck. *urrrrrp*
Dennis Lee of Namu is a PorkGenius; one of his many offerings was strips of candied Yorkshire pig: sticky, sweet, savory and sexy. Is it possible to fall in love 30+ times in a single day?
All of the 555 Talent are brilliant, across the board, but I will do my best to recap why Chef Terje brought the tour trophy home to Perbacco:
* Njuda — spreadable pork sausage with just enough heat to make your tongue tingle
* Trotter cake
* Confit of pig ear w/​micro greens
* Bacon Marshmallows; mini chocolate cakes infused with lard and topped with cream cheese frosting — pretty sure these would be illegal in certain states.
* Caramel corn with candied bacon bits dusted with crushed 4505 Chicharrones.
I’ll be honest: I can’t recall everything because it was the most pleasant assault of my senses and was high on pork at the time, so you can’t fault me for a review with so many holes in it.
This little piggie went to pork heaven!!!