Patriotic Panhandler

This guy is the shit!
San Diego has more than its fair share of panhandlers. Tired of the same old uninspired «witty» signs? Well, this guy was, too. He said «Fuck all that shit! There ain’t no sign patriotic enough for my red, white, and blue ass!»
This guy is so patriotic he slapped a bald eagle! His routine involves no fewer than THREE America flags, which is approximately 3 more than I have in my front yard. He has one giant flag in the background — an Idea he let General Patton use once — and he has one flag tied around each of his eagle-​slappers (hands). He has a boom-​box sometimes and he dances like he’s in the mosh pit at a Springsteen concert. No music? Not a single fuck is given… still dances. When it rains, he gives exactly zero shits because he has a rain poncho. He works it like no other and deserves every cent of your hard-​earned change.
This guy is in the annals of all-​time great Americans like Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Billy Mays. It’s only a matter of time before they blast Roosevelt’s gimp-​ass off of Mt. Rushmore to make room for this guy.