Top Hat Lounge

I enjoyed spending a Sunday afternoon here with a friend while my girlfriend was eating and drinking the good stuff at the MPLS food and wine expo, but I wouldn’t really recommend this place to most people. This is why I gave it only two stars.
This place was a little bizarre, on the outside it looks like a nice place, and it’s name might suggest a swanky gentleman’s club. Inside, there are several fancy looking street lamps. Maybe back in the 70’s this place was considered nice, but all in all, it is probably in the top 10 shittiest bars in the metro.
It is really only a warming house for the homeless. It was pretty busy for Sunday at noon. Well over half of the patrons were obviously homeless people drinking at the cheapest place in Downtown St. Paul. We were there from 1 p.m. until about 4:30 and many of the people were sitting at the booths in back nursing their same beer the entire time, watching classic westerns on AMC.
We chose this place because it is the first bar coming up the Robert Street bridge from the Westside, and my buddy had to take a dump after eating a burrito at the Mercado. This was a problem, because all the homeless people were lined up to make boom boom in the bathroom.
There was a fight between a crack whore and the bartender that left us in stitches for a good while. As soon as this toothless bag lady entered the establishment, her fellow bums rushed her to offer drinks. One guy ran and ordered a beer from the bartender. When the bartender delivered the beer to its recipient, he recognized her and ordered her out of the bar. He claims that she tried to kick him in the nuts a couple of weeks ago. She denied any such attempt at nut kicking and begged to stay in the bar. The bartender became quite insistent that no nut kickers are welcome in his fine establishment. Alas, she left to the disappointment of all the homeless guys angling for a bj in the back alley for a round or two of drinks.
There was also a near fight at the bar between a drunken Michael Moore look alike and some biker guy over who is better friends with Joe, the guy that kind of knew both of them, but not really well.
The bartender was very happy to finally have a couple of customers who tip. He kept our drinks full. We were the only customers that received table service.
All in all, it might be a place to stop in for a laugh at the drunken customers, but with two heated arguments at 1 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon, I’d have to imagine that the place is pretty rough at night. I wouldn’t come here alone. It’s also fairly cheap. Our beers were $ 2.50 a piece and a pitcher was $ 8.