Snarky Cards

I don’t know this lady, but I wish I did. Because she rules. I have bought her hilarious cards at various crafty occasions (Like Hip Happening in Sellwood) and businesses (Bertie Lou’s), after reading a whole box of them, snickering and giggling like a little girl, only with way dirtier jokes and bad language.
«Dear _​_​_​_​_​_​. I wish you were cooler. Or I was more lame. Either way, I don’t see this going anywhere. Better luck next time, huh? Sincerely, _​_​_​_​_​,»
«Dear _​_​_​_​_​, you’re not the psychotic bitch I tell everyone you are.»
…and so forth. She’s a riot and a half. Check her website to find out where you can buy cards at several shops around town including Tiny’s, In Other Words, Reading Frenzy, and more. I’m going to make it my mission to find her and buy some cards in person. As she claims on her website, «I sell them in bars from a box that hangs beneath my boobs. They will crack you the fuck up.»
They are $ 3, not bad for a one-​of-​a-​kind snark card to give your best friend/​frenemy, or keep for yourself. Each one is hand-​made and typed on an old typewriter, Bob.
«Dear _​_​_​_​_​. I wish I gave a shit when you talked.»
Wow.

Alisa’s cards speak the truth. They have changed my life, giving me the chutzpah to stop a man mid-​thrust and say «Wait, wait, I have to tell you a joke…
Why can’t Jesus eat skittles?
Cause he has holes in his hands!»
Thanks Alisa!