Joy N Happy

I Just Got Buttfucked in an Asian Mart
by Greg Foss
You know, I basically just have 2 rules for whenever I shop at an Asian grocer: never go to a place that doesn’t list the prices of their items, and never go to a place that charges $ 0.50 to use your debit card. If only I listened to my own advice. You see, I was looking for shark penis because I was trying this new recipe for Shark Penis Soup I found online, but I had to call nearly a dozen grocers before I found one that had it fresh (canned doesn’t work for this recipe). So anyway, while I was there I picked up several other items I needed, trying to ignore the fact that there was no listed price for any of it. «Are they going to charge me a 30% white-​boy-​tax?», I asked myself. I reasoned that this couldn’t possibly be true, and chided myself for my own racism for projecting my racism onto them.
So then I get to the counter and they ring up my purchases. The total came to $ 7.86 and I was quite impressed with the deal. But then, from out of nowhere, this 80 year old woman comes up from behind and karate-​chops me at the base of my spine. I wake up an hour later with my underwear around my ankles, covered in blood, and a decidedly sore anus. I’m telling you guys, do NOT ever shop at this place, even though their prices are rather outstanding –it simply isn’t worth it.