Dancin’ Bare

This place is great! Girls are friendly and not overly aggressive like most clubs. Anyone can come in and feel comfortable just being themselves, hanging out and enjoying the entertainment. The staff is great, quick to serve. The food is always really good and prices are very reasonable. Some my say it’s a dive bar but really it’s just authentic charm that makes you feel at home. Come in n see for yourself!

WORST STRIP CLUP IN PORTLAND!!! Walked into the dancin’ bear on a Saturday night with a large bacholorett/​bachelor party. There was a total of about 5 creepy sad looking dudes in there before we walked in. We were ready to spend money in this establishment when the twat of a bartender decided she wouldn’t serve ALL the women in our party (because we were supposedly too intoxicated) but would serve the men. Meanwhile as I’m asking her why, one of the creeps holding down a bar stool and beyond intoxicated starts to get into it with my fiancé speaking untenable jiberish, being very aggressive and wanting to fight. All this in front of this bar tender as she does nothing. Do everyone a favor and get better staff or put this place out of its misery.
The only good thing I have to say is that the dancers were very nice.

Haven’t been here in years but decided to check it out before the xmas holiday. Me and my friend put our money up and unfortunately the girl dancing decided to ignore us and later said she didnt know we spoke English? Pardon me for looking too «ethnic»
Skip this dive ass supposed strip club…

Ghetto! It’s a low class place, I should have know that by the address. The owner «Dan Daniels» thinks’s he’s a hard biker, even though he’s barely taller than a midget. Dan 86’ed a customer for complaining about weak drinks, which I cannot deny or confirm since I was drinking beer. Dan came up into his face touching his face with his finger telling him to get out. It looked funny because he was so short. Anyways he told Dan to fuck off right to his face and bumped him back. Dan didn’t do anything until a minute later outside when he had two security between them, Dan reached around and hit the guy. The guy wasn’t fazed, and kept calling him out for one on one, but Dan went inside. I can tell you Dan is a total punk the way he waited until he had double protection before he hit the guy. Thats how he rolls I guess… weak.
Anyways, The place is tasteless! I’m never going there again.

Dancers are cracked out and have 0 moves ! Super sad how bad these Girls life’s must be

So I sereved this great country of ares. And lost my wallet. But had my pass port and money to show how American I am… This place hates Americans I d
Showed everything to let me pass

This place is exactly what you want it to be: affordable fun and bolstering a line up that covers any type you could imagine. Plus the girls are all really friendly. You can chat with them, they’ll get naked, and you wont break the bank unless you find that certain special lady you want all to yourself for 3 short songs.
I have been cut off here a few times near the end of an already long night out. But probably for good reasons that I can’t remember. So behave yourself if you can. The staff is watching, as they should be.
All in all a great north portland staple that I would be really sad to see go. You want your veggies local? I want my strippers local!
*Recommend: This is a cash only venue. There is a wells fargo across the street. Use this information how you will.

Now, don’t take these two stars the wrong way. I actually think Dancin’ Bare is an underrated strip club.
I mean, it’s still bad, but not nearly as bad as people say. (Management– you have permission to use that as a pull quote.)
First thing that struck me about this place was how surprisingly big it was. Something like 3 stages? I mean you could fit 4 or 5 Mary’s Clubs in here comfortably.
The other thing that struck me was the lack of dank. I mean, sure, it was a dirty strip club, but some of these reviews would have you believe that you’re going to find GAK on the chairs or something.
Also, there’s a distinct lack of gun /​knife wounds on the strippers. I looked.
Yes, OK, maybe 25% of their dancers should hang it up. I’m not sure if you actually hang those type of shoes, but you know what I mean.
The point is, most of their strippers were good to go. The bar was fine — no dirty glasses or anything like that. The paper tree decorations were a little weird — kinda reminded me of something they’d hang up in grade school — but let’s face it, if you’re this far off the beaten path (and most likely drunk) you’re willing to put up with a lot worse to see some nudity.
That being said, it still is not good. It has a real truck-​stop vibe to it and not nearly enough dancers for me. The private dance area seemed like it was behind Playskool’s My First Fence. The idea of waiting until a stripper had enough free time to even give a lapdance there… it’s not a good way to spend Saturday night when you’re drunk out of your mind on Vodka.
Unless it’s your only option, then by all means, don’t be afraid of this place. (another pull-​quote)
One other positive note: there was a grave misunderstanding at the bar where I accidentally spilled a drink, but if you were quick to judgement it might have seemed like I threw it. The bouncer actually took the time to see reasonably what was going and did not beat the hell out of me. Not even a little.
Now that is Portland hospitality at its finest.

In a city full of strip clubs, I’m not sure why anyone would go out of their way to visit the Dancin’ Bare, but that is part of its charm. When I lived in the area, this was the only club within a mile of my house (which is not normal for Portland) so if I was feeling like drinking some beers and playing some pool while some pretty (and not so good looking) girls dance, this was the place. It always seemed more like a bar with dancers than a strip club with bar facilities. More often than not I didn’t even sit at one of their three stages (two actually, the third one isn’t a typical stage area). This place was the other dive bar spot in the area I would go to besides the Kenton Club (usually following a visit there.) The staff is friendly and the drink prices are fair. Like I said, not somewhere to go out of your way for, but not a bad option for the Kenton neighborhood.

Was not impressed with the attire that the girls were sporting. Really enjoyed the first two dancers but then had a third dancer that complained about our tipping so we left! If you are not going to dance for us then there is no tip. I am sorry but Ugg boots are NOT hot! Also band aid over your bruise is not hot either. Was told if we weren’t getting trashed on alcohol then we had to get out. There was a total of 4 of us and only two others in the whole place. Guess the one two people that were left will have to tip more.

yes, Unilocalers. five stars. why? its cheap. its not as fake as the douchey downtown places. you see reality here. Soul crushing? no. There is no such thing as souls, stupid! This is a good place for historical content. I am not sure when this building was erected (heh!) but one thing I know for sure is this:
If you do not visit the dancing bare, it will be bulldozed and turned into highrise condos. Or a Wal Mart. These things frighten me.
Support your local goddamn strip club, people! C’mon!

Had them to refer to a friend of mine while I was there as my «brown friend»…I guess be careful who you take there…

Before anyone can ask why I was here, I was here with my college classmates on our bi annual college pub crawl after finals.
Basically, a bunch of college students looking to have a good time and we decided to start at Dancing Bare.
Bad choice, this place is so unsanitary, I didn’t even have a drink. One of my friends was terrified of catching some weird disease as we’re pretty sure our waitress pulled money out of her chest.
The show of the night was just one star. And nicely put, she didn’t seem like she was built to make dancing on a pole her career. It looked really sloppy — I could have done a better job.
It was swarming with college students when we went, but also filled with creepy older men who really shouldn’t be looking anyway. I wouldn’t feel safe being here alone. Poor workers, hope they find a better employment opportunity.

I was here 5÷31÷2013 and they don’t have the $ 5 steak special anymore (apparently gone as of last year) Also, why is this the ONLY strip club in Portland that doesn’t allow you to use a cell phone (even for texting or for checking the time) or bring an Apple iPad in? I think it’s ridiculous in this time and age, as we should have the freedom to use them if it doesn’t disturb other people! I can understand why they wouldn’t want you to take photos of the strippers, but it’s not a damn movie theater! If I want to eat and enjoy a $ 13.25 rib-​eye steak dinner and read news on my Apple iPad (with no noise and no bright lights), I should be able to and not have to be harassed by the bouncers on this stupid dumb policy!!!

Gross. Just gross. Save your money. Dirty, all the way around.
Bad music and mean strippers. Surreal. No one you’d want to be seen in public with in the building, except maybe 1 of the bartenders. Bad DJ, dancers, customers you wouldn’t associate with, ad nauseum.
This is the kind of place Dave Chappelle jokes about where he «gets a sh/​/​t stain on ma shirt» then has to lie to his wife that it happened playing hoops.
Sad, desperate vibe from beginning to end from everyone there but maybe one of the dancers. Makes you want a shower and watch cartoons.
Not what you want from a strip club.
Got punched by a stripper who tried to shake me down after a $ 35 lapdance where she tried to dance half a song, and threatened to get kicked in the head by another one demanding money from my friend while on stage.
Violent shakedowns from mean bitches you wouldn’t consider having a 1-​night stand with, set to the DJ stylings of a bad pop radio station mix.
Skanky, angry tweeker strippers. Giant fat dudes. Bad bar service. Nasty bathroom.
If you end up here, you’ll hate yourself.

I go to a strip club but once in a. well only once before, like 10 years ago. But I have to agree with the popular sentiment that once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all.
Briefly: This place exudes an aire of sketchiness. Aren’t strip clubs supposed to to some extent. We were there in the middle of the day on a Wednesday, their were a couple of guys at the bar and two stages open with one guy at each. I could never see how one could «get involved» with a stripper, The entire ordeal is so sloppily manufactured as to be insulting and bizarre. Custom is to tip the girls a buck a song. Here its all nude, so to me a buck is a little miserly. I brought my girlfriend who was immediately turned into a prop so that the girl may entice the other guys at the stage. So, that’s just good service. Oooh, she then masturbated in front of me. You know what, the more I think about it the more appealing this ‘ordeal’ becomes. You throw some cheap drinks in the mix and you’ve got a party! Woot! Then I saw my friends girlfriends asshole.ahem.
A strange naked journey into the dark heart of what motivates us at a dollar a song.

How can you not love this place? Hello, can you say awesome? Cheap food, fare priced booze and naked women… It gets no better. No trip to Portland is complete without a night at the bare. Yeah, it is a bit seedy, but fun nonetheless.

There’s a part of me, deep inside my shameful appreciation of puns, that makes me want to like the Dancin’ Bare, simply for the name alone.
But upon every return visit to this dive simply churns up that burning question in my head once again: Why do I do this to myself? Why do I come out here to old NoPo, the end of the line (so to speak — the MAX does run further than this), the place where strippers go out to pasture? Is it because I like having the staff behind the bar ignore me and treat me like a nuisance even when there’s pretty much nobody else in da club? Is it because I like dealing with cash only BS? Is it because I like sticky bathroom floors and even stickier strip club floors?
No. It’s because I want the Dancin’ Bare to be something it’s not. To have the quaint charm of Magic Garden or the demon grin of Devil’s Point. But really it’s what you’d expect from a strip club out near the end of the max line that’s set up somewhat like a too-​dark banquet hall. Where the drinks aren’t as stiff as they should be for the style of the place. Where, depending on the day and time, you might find some nice, cool girls on stage but mostly they’re in a bad mood, likely from dealing the the type of crowd that calls this joint home. A rough-​and-​tumble hodgepodge of old school NoPo holdouts.
I may end up here again. Probably not by choice.

I really think that once you’ve seen a strip club, you’ve kind of seen them all, so I’ll keep this fairly short and sweet.
The atmosphere, drinks and pretty much everything else is unremarkable and generally seedy, as you might expect from any other divey strip club in the world. I’d give it a bland three stars for that.
However, the girls are awesome! It’s full-​nude and I was stoked to see women of all shapes, sizes, colors and styles dancing (Sapphire was my favorite.) There’s enough room to get pretty close to one of the two stages or to hang back, and plenty of opportunity to get yourself a lap dance if you’re so inclined. So 5 stars for the talent.
The only thing that pissed me off is that this place won’t accept cards at the bar. Add to that the fact that they’re in the middle of nowhere and the ATM is also out of order, and that just plain sucks. So yeah. Zero stars for that shit. Which brings me to my average of 3 stars.

This side of the river (Van-​tucky) has no strip clubs… :(
The I-​5 side of the couve is extra pathetic, because it takes like 25 – 30 Minutes to drive to a really decent mid-​club…
So it is either go hit the clubs in downtown OR hit the Dancing Bare… hmmm. I do like the Paul Bunyan statue… DB here we come!
Now to tell the truth i like a seedier Portland club to go to, much more than a really upscale gentlemens club in Vegas or Dallas or Miami.
Why? in a nutshell, the Portland scene girls are not Barbi dolls with no fucking personality or complete whores, they have fun on stage and talk to you and have fun with it… glam-​strip places are like going to an LA model shoot, without the cocaine in the back room, if you get my drift.
The bare is about as dark and seedy and run down as you can get without me actually considering it a complete dump… beers were reasonably priced… pitchers of PBR like 10 – 11 bucks, lagunitas IPA and ‘those’ types of beer were a 4.50 a pint… not great, but reasonable.
The ‘main’ stage was really dark… like it was missing some lightbulbs or they were removed for the «heroin users reunion night» to hide the track marks or something…
we opted for the ‘Pole’ side where we could see the dancers and they were all okay… mostly, the girls are a little on the young side and kind of skinny… so much so, that my companion asked one of them if she could tip her a sandwich… she didn’t get it. (the joke… OR the sando
Better than Marys, not nearly as good as the Club 205… Basically a Full nude, full serve (middle of the road) nudie bar that is about 7 minutes from downtown Vancouver.

Oh geez. I went to The Dancin’ Bare with the Barfly Bus tour and I was super excited.
We walked in and ordered drinks and my boyfriend asked me where I wanted to sit. I pointed to a rack where a woman was dancing for an audience of no one. «Let’s go there,» I said, «She needs an audience.»
Oh boy. As we get closer we realize that the woman has got to be in her forties at least (that or life has been terribly, terribly hard on her). We hesitate, but she has seen us and begins to beckon us over. We sit and she crawls under the bar to put her legs in my boyfriend’s lap. She begins to gyrate. I could practically see his junk retreating. Over her shoulder, he mouthed to me, «Mom?»
I still loved it, if only for the comedic value and so that I can say I’ve been to The Dancin’ Bare.
Side note: I heard that they were selling that L-​shaped pool table, which is a shame, that would be reason enough for me to return.