Bruno Mali’s Cafe & Gift

I’m slightly bias as i have been going to «the Shop» for a few years now. Al Page kills it, KGB Kills IT, Soul man Kills It, Chris the Fist Kills IT!, every DJ i missed… well you sorta Kill it too. lol.
but the above mentioned can turn this place out.
now atmosphere. lets just say, house party. i think the maximum occupancy for Bruno Malli’s is like 50 people. i have been nights where 300 people were there pumping there firsts.
i have also been there nights and it was so dead that there was 6 people until midnight rolled around, and then all of a sudden the jail doors ripped open and there was a hundred drunk fools dancing.
drinks, yeah they be cheep. bartenders, yeah sometimes you get skipped over. shit i know they names and I’m yelling at them and they still don’t hear me. Stacey, Katy. still love ya. always poor my drinks right. so I’m not talkin shit.
Cash Only… yea that hurt me because i hate having to be packin cash. 40 bucks and by the time you and your friends are in the door and got a drink in your hand you start to question. how cheep are these drinks again?
smoking outside sucks but at least your not alone, there are always like 30 people outside smoking. some people say there is no mingling inside. well everyone is outside mingling over their camels’ and Marlboro Reds’
bathroom, umm ladies only on this side (yeah right) so guys have to walk over to the Hidden House side. i’ve seen cleaner bathrooms in beiruit. i quickly get in and get the fuck out. don’t touch anything. sink is optional, but sometimes it looks worse then the toilet.
figure i’ll spill some vodka on my hands and call them clean.
ok back to the beats. Al spins Oldschool, and neo-​soul for the most part and his hand selected dj’s follow suit. you can expect to hear anything from Hierogplyics, to the Jackson 5. shit is eclectic for sure. don’t expect to hear any of the current club bangers or Crunk Juice music, and especially no Hyphy go dumb music. meh. i did get KGB to play some e-​40 once. lol. anyways.
come out and have some fun.

Great hip hop bar with an extremely diverse crowd. There were everything from b boys to crackers in this place. The DJ was good and spun some interesting music (happy to hear de la soul and tribe) plus they had some good local talent hip hop. Its a cash only bar but the drinks are very cheap so its not a huge deal and they also have an ATM on site incase you run out of paper. I ventured into the other side of it, and was kind of frightened. The flourescent lights were on, there was no music, and it was a friggin hole. Only thing that wasn’t cool about the hip hop side is the female bartender that works there. 3 girls I was there with got kicked out, because one of them had an expired ID, not fake, expired. I figured after the doorman scrutinized it and let her in, the bartender should be ok with it. She kicked all 3 of them out because she deemed they were together, and why she let me stay (wasn’t drinking) is beyond me.
4 stars –1 for the crazy bartender.
Also please ignore the couple of reviews that say they take CCs for tabs. As of May 26^th, they stopped doing this… Don’t trip they say.

Did you know you can actually discover in Wikipedia, a list of unusual names, both given and acquired? Check it out
. Whats funny, is that «Bruno Mali’s Café & Gift» is such a misnomer, i can’t even begin to understand what is meant by such an awkward handle. Add it to the list? Let’s investigate.
Bruno Mali’s is neither a café nor a gift (not even a gift SHOP), unless you consider $ 2.50 vodka-​and-​whatevs a present from the Goddess of Lush. In fact, i do. So maybe Bruno’s is onto something here.
Do I consider it a gift that DJ Al is on the decks playing both familiar beats and engagingly random-​assed verses? In fact, I do.
Cheap drinks and beats for a smallish $ 8 cover? Por favor, believe it.
This place is one-​of-​a-​kind in the valley and mos def a friday/​saturday night destination as long as they keep doin what they’re doin.

PROs:
–Next to Hidden House, a dive-​ish neighborhood bar supreme for impromtu pool, digital jukebox and miller high life on tap. You also got ample parking!
–While a small space, I like there are informal high tables with some stools all around.
— Drinks are DIRT CHEAP. I got three gin and tonics for 7.50-I thought I read my receipt wrong. AND they take credit card for tabs. The bartenders were totally on the ball, even though it was wicked packed, I never had to wait long ever for a drink. The bar was small and crowded, and they still see me, the shortie. That is so awesome.
–The music, I went for the under ground HIp Hop Night, and there was a woman DJ spinning awesome early 90s hip hop, then there was some old skool reggae, then some early Michael Jackson and a bunch of random shit.
CONs:
–It is mad small and smokey in here. Everyone is smoking. I smoke, and there was hardly any ventilation. Not good for people allergic or grossed out by thick clouds of smoke.
–Even though it is de rigour, the guys were charged 5 bucks cover and the ladies none. I don’t mind everyone paying 2 bucks to get in-​5 bucks was kind of too much.
–There were tons of guys there-​out numbered the ladies by a lot (probably why the ladies are free). So you got tons of guys hanging out in crowds, head noddin, but not dancing or anything. Okay…
–When we got there a little after midnight (open till 2), no one was dancing. So we did. We got it started. And sometimes were still the only people dancing in front of the DJ booth, a little weird. When reggae came on, the girls started doing some kind of girl on girl dancing then the whole crowd got out there — -hmmm. from then on it was PACKED and some people were so wasted with their lit cigarettes, it def. got a little dangerous.
Def. want to come back here, but wish the crowd was up for more mingling and dancing-​these beats were SICK and should be appreciated by being on the FLOOR.
Will check out other nights too…