Fireworks City

Um…
Why we purchased a hundred dollars’ worth of fireworks in Oshkosh I’ll probably never know.
But we did.
(And due to a fire ordinance and pesky up north neighbors, I still have a hundred dollars’ worth of fireworks. They’re currently in my basement.)
The reason I have so many fireworks: THE 99 CENT SALE.
Buy one, get a second, same item for just ninety-​nine cents. Are you even serious, Fireworks City? Guess you are, because ginormous sparklers and ‘artillery shells’ and smoke bombs and ‘Big Red’ and ‘Sonic Boom’ and so many more, but times two.
Maybe that’s how they get you to spend a hundred bones… or clams, or whatever you call them. You just start grabbing and throwing ALL THE THINGS into your basket and then the next thing you know you’re sitting on a palpable pile of explosives that you couldn’t use during that fun-​time freedom party you were at up nort’.
Staff? Nice and helpful enough, and they threw in some extra ‘giant blooming flower power’ or something as a token of their gratitude for our one hundred American dollars, so that’s something. It sure did stink to high hell of cow manure right near Fireworks City, however. (No loss of a star. You know what you’re getting into when you travel 41 north into Wisco-​tastic-​ness.)
I got ninety-​nine problems and a bag full’a fireworks in my basement is one.