Mako’s

I know its closed now… but its unfortunate.
This place was our place to go whenever downtown for those $ 20 fish bowls! They were good for just me and a friend to share (sorry if that just made me sound like an alchy.) It was a lil more on the wild side but thats what really made the place fun. Poles on the bar that the bartenders go on and half the time try to get you to go on, a swing up on a stage in the front corner, two floors with VIP seating for parties and occasions… DJ would mix all kinds of music from hip hop to house! It was connected to like 3 other areas one which was just hip hop which was outdoors and nice.
This place really gave Church street life and hate to see it gone. Hopefully someone will step it up and be able to not replace but bring these bars and clubs back to life in this area…

Just awful… Simply awful…
We were drawn in on a Saturday night by the promise of free shots… we figured we’d stop in, have a shot and a beer, then continue on our way. The shot was awful, tasted like straight high-​fructose corn syrup. They did have a special on Michelob Ultra (which none of us drink, but I think they were only $ 2 a longneck) which made this place tolerable for about 15 seconds.
Crowd was just a desperate group of guys trying SO hard to talk to the ladies that work here. This is less of a bar and more of a strip club without the nudity. We quickly pounded our beers and got the hell out of there.
Can’t believe this place is operating on Church Street– such an ugly distraction, and there’s SO many unbelievable bars and clubs within 500 feet… Why is this here?

If Trash and Gonorrhea had a baby it would be called Mako’s.
I ended up here on a St. Patrick’s day night after a bunch of our friends, including the person who had the plans for the night bailed out. My cousin was in town and looking to party and some how our small group ended up here. The armpit of downtown Orlando, or at least that is what I think that smell was.
We actually paid to get in here. Again I’m not sure why, I think my cousin wanted to dance and it was the closest thing nearby. Chalk it up to buzzed people not wanting to walk farther to a better place.
So we get in there and we don’t get very far. The edge of the bar, the place is packed. I just paid 10 bucks to be packed in like a little sardine with all the other sardines in a nice bath of beer swill, vomit, broken glass, and other unidentifiable liquids.
I’m really not complaining here, a friend is buying my drinks, and the people watching is quite amusing.
Mako’s has an inside joke called «the first table». It’s this table in middle of the first part of the club, it’s wobbly, either on purpose or from so many drunk people leaning and dancing on it.
The first table is where unknowing victims and by victims I mean drunk people set their drinks, only to be immediately wobbled, thrown, wiggled, or pushed off. Another theory is that the drink was just committing suicide knowing that it was just opened or conceived at Makos.
Be aware that «the first table» has a lot of broken glass around it, along with hordes of drunk women all dancing like strippers at a circus. I guess I can see why this may appeal to some and it does to me to in a weird sort of circus freak show kind of way.
I picked my favorite girl of the night who was beyond sloshed by the time we got there. We’ll call her «Lucy».
Lucy’s dance moves were stellar. All including some sort of way to prop herself up without falling over. From using the table, the bar, the VIP rope, the stair banister and in a very creative and sexy way by sandwiching herself in between two other people. She fell a few times, but Lucy never gave up, she was a trooper with enough alcohol and spirit to keep going and I admire that.
Speaking of girls let’s talk about the Mako’s girls. St. Patties day was obviously not cute outfit day for them. Most of them were wearing strips of fabric like a poor mans version of the Leeloo costume from the 5^th Element or a girl’s version of Borats bikini. I know, what can I expect… this isn’t exactly the classiest of joints.
The shots taken right out of the girls breast seemed really awkward, like they were breast feeding not giving a body shot. The swing near the door was used once while we were there. She gave a very electrifying performance and by that I mean she wiggled her body in such a way that would suggest she was being electrocuted. Maybe that is just some weird fetish I don’t understand.
I am enjoying myself here but who wouldn’t when your drinks are being bought by a friend and you’re just along for the ride. My choice was a simple vodka and cranberry they didn’t have great beer choices here so I just went with a simple liqueur drink.
I’m not a germaphobe, and when I realized it was time for me to pee, I was fine with making the trek through the swarms of people that would eventually lead to a bathroom that looked more like the fire swamp from Princess Bride than an actual bathroom.
Well to my surprise it was a bathroom and As I entered the Bathroom I noticed that *Ke$ha was there brushing her teeth with a bottle of jack next to a bathroom attendant, who if you were nice to her would tell you which stall actually contained toilet paper.
Other girls entered. *Ke$ha signed a few of the girls breast with lipstick and then a few guys tried to intrude which were smacked down by Club Security.
I have to say the Club Security, Bouncers, and the Police that where there that night did a phenomenal job making sure everyone was safe. They were very pleasant to me and seemed to really just be focused on people’s well being.
It was quite an experience. We had a fun time but this place isn’t really my thing. I’d probably wouldn’t say no if friends were hellbent on going but I’m sticking to my usual places.
*Please note Ke$ha may have been a Ke$ha lookalike.

This place is so gross, so smelly, and has a ridiculous amount of weird people here that I’m sure go because it’s the only way they are going to get half naked women to pay attention to them… ie the wait staff.
I’m not going to lie there are many nights we just walk on in grab a drink dance stupidly to a song or two and then walk out. When I was a young blossom we used to go here a lot more than we ever should have. So if you are in the mood to go somewhere filthy, where it really doesn’t matter what you look like then by all means walk into Makos, but NEVER pay a cover because I guarantee you’re not going to be there long enough to get your money’s worth out of it.

You can’t avoid Mako’s while going along Church St. On a night out, we were drawn the the loud music and just the sheer number of people inside. It’s Girl’s night and no cover, so why not?
There are a couple tiered levels and various bars within Mako’s. Just on the first floor there are 2 bars, and then theres a second level with another bar and a viewing of the floor below.
Basically the cons have been listed already LOUD music. Nasty nasty drinks, but who should be complaining when its free? Dirty feeling. Not the crowd for me.
Not a bad place, but not a great place either.

Anything goes at Makos. Haha. Now I have read several reviews on this place and I have to agree with most. However I went to this place for a pub crawl and just had a good ol time.
As the second bar on our crawl, the group was met at the front door by half naked chicks (bonus)! Then Amber (an old MySpace friend of mine) brought us in and gave us shots. After the shots, the group thought we should get our guest of honor a body shot. So the lil cutie behind the bar hops over and takes her little skirt off to reveal her very skimpy booty shorts (bonus). She then proceeds to do a booty dance on top of the bar that was just awesome to watch. Then she took a shot and stuck it betwixt (I have always wanted to say betwixt) her boobs and my friend drank from her bosom! Our stop at Makos was capped off by a swing ride. Which was awesome to watch because that girl was shaking her behind like it was her full time job.
Now I know most of the Unilocalers on here are disgusted by this place. But I found it to be a great place to start the night early. When we got there they had dollar beers. So if you are a beer drinker on a tight budget then hit this spot up.
WeatherMan Predicts: 80−90% chance of a night filled with t&a gawking, body shots, swing rides, napkin throwing, and the feeling of a girls gone wild video!

Come for the $ 20 Shark Bite (Hell of a deal) and the slut eye candy. Very crowded or completely empty, you never get a good mixture. Better off just going to a stripclub if you’re just with the boys.

when do you say no to free drinks? when a place like mako’s is offering them. I feel the need to take a shower just walking thru this place from the backroom. yes, it is that bad.

I am glad that Mako’s exists on Church Street. Now we all know it is a dirty, raunchy and smelly place that caters to out of control partiers. We also know that we like having these people concentrated at places like this so the other spots are more enjoyable.

Dirty!!! — this one star rating should be «eek! Methinks HELLLLLL NAWWW»
I unfortunately have been here on various occasions and each and every time i crave a shower when I leave. It is dirty (this is an understatement), it is obnoxiously loud (they don’t play ANY good music… okay okay sometimes they throw a Brit Brit song in) and the drinks are terrible and watered down. Everyone is half-​naked and there is a girl on a swing. Ummmm… classy right? =(There is a smoke machine they over generate constantly. I am assuming this is so you don’t actually see the place you are standing in. Or smell it… BLEH!
The reason I am putting pricey is because for the amount you pay here and the lack of entertainment and alcohol (plus cheap brands) is degrading.
I truly would sign a petition to close this club as it makes Church Street look terrible and cheap!!!

If trash-​laden floors, scantily clad bartenders and patrons, overpriced drinks and barely enough room to breathe let alone move sound like a good time to you then head to Makos. Who knows, you may even be lucky enough to take an STD home with you as a souvenir.
Out of all the trashy, sleazy bars I’ve managed to accidentally stumble into this one takes the cake. It is the place the bottom-​feeders go to dwell. It’s beyond dirty. It’s beyond sleazy. It’s just god-​awful. You’d probably have a better time clubbing at a landfill.
Save your time and money for someplace better.

Went on some random night like Wednesday and my two friends and I were literally the only three people in there. They still had a swing girl even though the place was deserted and the female staff were pretty cute. The place however was still filthy regardless of the fact that it was empty and the music was blasting way too loud.
When we were standing at the bar the bartender tried to throw her shaker from the lower bar to the upper bartender but completely missed and pegged me in the forehead with it, leaving a nice welt. I told her she should be serving me up some free drinks at that point, which she refused to do. I said that I was leaving at which point she pulled me back and said she would get a round of shots for me and my two male buddies. She whips up some shot or another then grabs one of the male staff, pours the shaker on to his stomach while he’s lying on the bar and tells us if we wants the free shots we have to slurp them off the guy’s stomach. Needless to say we left promptly and wont be going back.

I was on business travel to Orlando last month and ended up going to Mako’s twice. Sunday and Thursday nights. had a great time! Actually there wasn’t a place in Orlando I didn’t like… You got a great city!

What Coyote Ugly Used to Be.
The HR manager here has the world’s best job.
I have seen everyone from CEOs to Spring Breakers to take the body shots and and swing dances…
The Most Loved to Hate Bar in Florida.

When I think of Mako’s I think of a freshman year spring break in a Panama City type bar. The music is loud, the drinks are always pouring, and there are lots of scantily clad girls working the bar. They let this place get so packed on the weekends that even if this type of place is «your thing,» it is way too crowded for you to enjoy it.
Mako’s features a chick on a swing, girls in kilts (and sometimes a guy or two), and body shots signaled with the sound of an alarm. If any or all of these things appeal to you, then I would say you’d be Mako’s fan. Otherwise, don’t listen to those cute girls coaxing you into the place for a free drink, because it won’t be worth it.

This place has some good females and good music but it extremely crowded an they keep letting more people in like there is enough space to fit everyone in Orlando here. Not the best club out there

This place is a nightmare. It’s dirty, loud, and always packed with perverts. There is constantly napkins all over the floor and they stick to your shoes. It’s full of sweaty men hanging out under the scantily clad bartenders and «swing girls.» I am not a prude by any means… but these girls are so skanky that I felt offended. Ladies — how about this? Let’s leave something to the imagination!
Last time I was there I almost got knocked unconscious by a «swing girl» near the entrance. Luckily, I managed to maneuver myself to avoid being slapped in the face with her practically naked behind.
Skanky-​ness aside… the place is still gross. The music is too loud and obnoxious. The drinks are so/​so (depends on the bartender you get). The staff is snotty and unfriendly.
There are much better places to go downtown!

Simply by walking into Mako’s I feel dirty and violated. At the entrance you are greeted by girls who are wearing nothing but a bra and hot pants or a REALLY REALLY short plaid skirt with black knee-​high boots… if your lucky, they may have on a shirt just big enough to go across their boobs. Honestly, they might as well as be naked because they’re not hiding much of anything.
The place is disgustingly raunchy and essentially nothing but a sausage fest with some girls sprinkled in between. What sets this bar apart from the rest is their huge swing from which girls fly in the air and shake their booties. For a fee, you can sit on the swing while a girl dances on you with her butt literally in your face.
All of the girls and most of the guys who work here are stuck up, way too full of themselves and typically place all of their focus on the guys who they know are the ones they will get the good tips from. However, I will say fake boobs and too much make-​up aside, a lot of the girls who work here are not air heads, but actually smart and simply using this job to cover school and other life expenses.
I’ve been here twice and both times by force. I am clearly not a fan and will never be back in this bar unless my life depends on it.

CREEPY PSEUDO-​MEXICAN SAUSAGE FEST
Here is an excerpt from the Mako’s Employee Manual…
1.) If you are female, you must be semi-​hot, trashy, and be willing to give body shots to creepy old men right off of Megan’s list. You must also be willing to ride a swing while shaking your ass as fast as humanly possible. Must be CPR certified in case one of the guys over 60 has a heart attack!
2.) If you are a guy, you must be a douche, blow an ear-​piercing whistle incessantly (a la a bar in Tijuana or Cancun), activate a blaring siren, and inexplicably throw a stack of napkins in the air every five minutes. Wearing secret-​service type earpieces are strongly encouraged!
3.) If you are a bouncer, you will ignore the fact that 75% of the people in line are creepy guys between 30 – 50 years old.
All in all, I’d rather poke a sharp stick in my eye than go back.

Mako’s is a dirty dirty place. Not like physically dirty (although it might be after what I saw there), but I just would NOT want to go here again.
Let me just sum up what I saw during my five minutes in Mako’s.
— scantily clad girls with fishnet stockings pouring drinks and dancing on the bar and convincing drunk people to go to their fine establishment
— another scantily clad girl swinging on a swing with some sleazy guy in the window
— some guy in a kilt pouring bottles of alcohol into a fishbowl, shoving a bunch of straws into it, then shoving said fishbowl into a group of girls and telling them to down the thing
— way too many drunk girls with random guys behind them
Now, if you’re into that thing, go here. It’ll be great for you. As for me? YUCK. I’m not coming back.