The Rapture

We need a little less people in the world, anyways

EVERYONE REPEAT AFTER ME:
«Nutjob wacko is a nutjob (or a scam artist).»
Either way, unless you arrange it yourself (which I don’t recommend, kids) your time to go is your time to go. It’s not predetermined in ancient scripture, dictated by a civilization long gone, or forseen by a 16^th century French apothecary.
It’s just not in the cards, and if it was the dealer ain’t showing their hand.
So how was this prediction compared to the others?
New Years 2000? There were fireworks and my brother got to legally blow stuff up! How cool is that?
New Years 2001? There were fireworks and my brother got to legally blow stuff up! No really, how cool is that?!
Y2K bug? Non event. COBOL Programmers made out like bandits.
Camping’s September 6, 1994 prediction? I was in Catlick High School, so the rapture may have happened leaving us Catholics behind. I dunno.
Not that it was all sweetness and light in ’94, but surely not the rapture.
1988? That was about the time I learned Logo and BASIC and set me on my path toward a career in computers when I became a bigger nerd.
So for May 21, 2011? I had to do a bit of shopping, went out dinner at
Felipe’s Taqueria, and had a couple drinks at Cure.
Overall it was a good day. And looking at all the check-​ins, I’ve got a ton of reviews to still write…
Come get me when the Earth’s magnetic poles reverse. Or if the dolphins disappear after leaving the message «So long and thanks for all the fish.» Or if a Vogon Constructor Fleet arrives to demolish the Earth for a hyperspace bypass. Or if the city of R’lyeh rises from the abyss and Cthulhu is released from his watery prison.

This rapture stinks on ice.
I don’t get to steal anyone’s stuff?
I don’t get to randomely take their cars for test drives?
I don’t get to play with their pets?
Damn you Christians and your false prophecies getting everyone’s hopes up. It’s just wrong.

So far, a lot of hype. I’m pretty sure 6pm Saturday already happened elsewhere in the world, and there were no flying humans, zombies, earthquakes, or anything else earth-​shattering.
I can’t believe how anti-​climatic this whole thing is. I mean, at the very least, it could have ended with the old guy who predicted it telling the world we got Punk’d.
I’ll write an update if something actually happens at 6pm CDT. Or, maybe I won’t, if I either get raptured or die. Wait, can I write a review update from heaven? Do we get the internet? Droid? Unilocal?Uh oh…

This Rapture suffers from a serious lack of service. I’ve been waiting some time now and still no lift. When you are promised something this big, you expect a little follow-​through.
Heavenly hosts? Missing
Zombies? Sadly lacking
Fire?
Brimstone?
Cookies?
Nope
Nope
Nope
All in all, a total non-​event and I’d seriously like all my younger-life’s guilt back, please.
Oh! Ad what’s up with holding an event with such limited seating? How RUDE!
Here’s hoping Bayou Boogaloo is more fun. :)
P. S. If this does happen later, can I have your Late Model Saturns?
Mmkaythanks!

Contrary to all of the Haters on this site I happen to be reaping the benefits of the Rapture… Literally. I was taken about 6am to my surprise (I had planned to pack around 4:30pm since I didn’t think I would be able to carry much in the sky.) It caught me off guard a little but man oh man let me tell you. You dont know what you’re missing. Best flight of my life and the photos of earth you’ve seen are indeed the real thing its big blue and round! So much for my conspiracy theories about the space program being a hoax. I’m up here now just chillin, found this rad Internet Café with mad fast speed of light internet so I can live blog as I watch you haters burn. I’ve got a 3:30 with JC and the others so I wont waste too much time on here. But yeah I def would have recommended you try this out but looks like you missed the boat. EPIC FAIL LULZ lamers peace out and enjoy your fire and brimstone.
Saved by the Grace of God unlike you,
Aziz