4th NY SILENT DATE AUCTION for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society

OK… You have known me for 5 days right now!
I can say …
— I am Funny
— I am Hawt
— I can TRY to cook
— I am Picky at food (if you have read my reviews)
— I can keep up a convo (when i’m not at work).
— I can Bowl, Pool, Vball
— I enjoy festivals, concerts, Bars, but no NIGHTCLUB.
— Loves shopping!
And if all of the above cannot convince you to Bid me…
THEN CLICK THIS !!!
So whoever wins me will have a great time with me!
(Meaning a good time eating, walking around, playing pool or vball or at the park, movies, concerts, festivals, even a road trip!)
That’s all what I’ve gots to say.

so… let me tell you guys a little about the club we’ll go to. spanish clubs are great, everyone is dressed super fancy, no one gets there until after 1am. you drink heavily and dance all night, women don’t turn anyone down to dance and if you don’t know how to dance they’ll be more than happy to teach you. matter of fact, if you don’t know how to dance. I will will teach you.
then we’ll go to a food truck that specializes in Chimichurri sandwiches, a Dominican version of a hamburger. this particular truck is so popular that you need to take a number to be serviced. and they offer the widest variety for the sandwich: traditional is beef, you can get pernil (pork shoulder), chicken or everything. they use cabbage instead of lettuce and it’s best to get it «con todo». Hot sauce, bbq sauce, ketchup… whatever they got, you want. trust me.
then we’ll go and get a patacon. it’s Venezuelan street food and it’s magic. motherf*cking magic.
then, after we’re done eating, I’ll hail you a livery cab who’ll get you home faster than your bladder will fill back up.

I’d give james 0 stars if I could…
(not really but always wanted to use that in a review, it’s so freaking original)
What can I say that wasn’t said in last years soul searching, heart warming testimonial ?
Go on and read it.
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Bullocks, you bloody wanker,
You didn’t read it already.
Come back after you’ve read it.
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What’s else can i add ?
I’ve done three auction dates with Unilocalers and two are still around to tell about it.
(gag order prevents speaking of the other)
My last drug test was pretty good,
Got a B+
Killed a mime. Got a reward. Spent it on beer.
Lost out on audition for Showtime’s Hung for being TOO BIG.
(director mumbled something about putting down donuts and hitting the treadmill)
As you can see I’m a man with the humor and heart of child (I keep the heart in the freezer with a back up liver and some frozen pizza). Contrary to what my guidance counselor wrote in my permanent record, I have managed to make and maintain a few friendships.
This could be one of them.
Or another restraining order incident, who the hell knows?
«I’m feeling supersonic, give me gin & tonic, you can have it all but how much do you want it? «
Welcome our musical guest –
Oasis

Still here?
Really ?
Okay so what would our date consist of ?
Let’s just say bring a ski mask, duct tape, disposable cell phone and a sock full of oranges and we’ll take it from there.
Not your cup of tea?
We can do something more conventional if you prefer :
Like cocktails?
Like dining out?
Feel like sports?
How do you feel about rope burn?
Anything. Anytime. Anyplace.
Doing something positive without a court order or wearing shiny orange jumpsuit?
I’m in.
But honestly, I’m up for anything that raises money for a great cause.
** If you’ve made it this far you are damn patient. Thanks !! ***

When you bid on me, you’re bidding on an Elite (2 years baby!) Unilocaler. Know what that means? That means you can be my +1. I’ll get you into the hottest clubs, parties, and smexiest events Unilocal has to offer.
I’ve got more reviews on Unilocal than I do friends. Translation: a date with me is not gonna be special, but SUPER SPECIAL!
Why donate and how this affects me?
About twenty years ago, my dad’s side of the family lost thier oldest sister, my aunt to cancer. She was only in her 40s. While it was neither Leukemia or Lymphoma, we at some point or another have known or will know someone to be struggling with such a disease and it’s up to us to help one another from preventing losing such loved ones. Your donation will help fund lifesaving research, education, and patient services.
Your donation, by the numbers (yeah, that’s right — just like writing a review! =D):
** Between $ 25-​$ 30 — Thanks for bidding on me guys! I’ll hit ya back over the weekend. T_​T
*** Between $ 31-​$ 50 — Lunch with me at any restaurant participating in NYC Restaurant Week
**** Between $ 51-​$ 70 — Dinner with me at any restaurant participating in NYC Restaurant Week
***** Over $ 70 — A meal prepared by yours truly. Maybe even breakfast the morning after! :-O
****** $ 1,000,000 (The Maximum!) — I’ll marry you if you have that kind of bling.
Thanks. Happy Bidding. And Good Luck to all the bidders and awesome volunteers!

Are you a lady who loves raktajinos in the morning? I’m a daytime drinker, too!
Bid on me for a worthy cause: the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society benefits, and you get a date out of it! (Bidders welcome from all cities; bidding begins Monday, July 12^th at 10am and closes Friday, July 16^th at 3pm — all times Eastern.)
Your date will be customized based on our preferences, and may involve photobooths, spicy Thai food, and wildly inappropriate flirting. Basically, I’m down for anything that doesn’t involve being handcuffed. Unless you’re smoking hot.
About me: I’m a workaholic with a Masters degree in something I rarely use, can speak broken French, love musical theatre, and have had all my shots. While I’m an Equal Opportunity Dater — this IS for charity — I won’t make out with you if you’re a guy.