Mortimer’s

If this place wanted to be more then one star it would be.
I don’t mind it, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who’s looking to go out of their way to visit a joint. Again, if you’re already lubed up and don’t mind double checking your wallet have at it.
It’s huge, has multiple bars and hosts a slew of different pinball and arcade games. Haven’t ever ate there, wouldn’t ever eat there.
Depending on who you get the bar staff *can* be more then surly– I’ve visited multiple times where my bartender looked at me as if she was dying and wanted to leave. Almost feeling sorry for asking for a drink isn’t really a normal thing for me.
There’s a mix of different people typically– Most are trying to score lol.
But yeah– Chances are you’ve already been to Mortimer’s before and not even known it. Nice pit stop, but if you stay long enough expect some trouble– Weather or not you’re into that kind of thing is up to you.

From the front room I didn’t even realize there was a back bar that feels like a fake Mexican restaurant and another back/​side bar that feels semi-​Irish? Its kind of weird to have all three themes in one place but I have a feeling they don’t really care about that kind of stuff and neither do I.
2 for 1s on already cheap drinks make this place very affordable. Cash only.
My only tip is to check the prices on the dart boards, we played a few team rounds on the left one then moved to the middle to play solo and the pricing was more. Only like $ 0.50 a game but if they are all open you might as well take the less expensive one.
Lastly, friends got the wing special and said they were great. Give them a shot.

I wish there was for 0 stars. Went to this place on a last minute «don’t have sh*t going on, on a Thursday night. Went in and the place was dead. Sad, depressed bums sitting at the bar. My cousins and I sat by their dart boards and ordered pitcher after pitcher, shots after shots. Gave them plenty of good old business. We love to have a good time and crack jokes. As we did, we must have gotten a little too loud for the lames at the bar or the bitchy fat bartender, we were asked to calm it down or leave. Mind you, we’ve been sitting at our table, given them business for about 2 hours by now. We’ve caused no trouble and no disturbance. Their music was louder than us. One of the other hefty female staff members over heard us complaining, so she gets the bitchy bartender to come over to us once again and tell us we’ve been warned once and we either shut up or leave.
We did nothing wrong to be harassed in such a manner. We were respectful, gave them plenty of business and were just trying to enjoy ourselves. This place is trash. Their staff is trash. Their customer service is trash. Mortimer’s can choke on one. Never going there again!

***This is kind of a divey bar, but their prices seem reasonable (cash only though); despite the low rent ambiance, this bar features a wide variety of new and contemporary arcade video games, pinball machines (even a Walking Dead sponsored one), dart boards, and several foosball tables; they even have foosball tournaments on Wesnesday though we are talking about seriously good players here***
This bar has its own free parking lot.

This place is the fucking worst. I wouldn’t go back here if I was dying of thirst. That’s as honest as I can be. I just shudder thinking of it. Barely gonna make it through this revi…

Pretty rough joint and fairly shady crowd. Stopped in, looking for a place to chill after a day out on Calhoun and not a friendly place. Definitely not a place with kids. I had mine with and within 2 minutes of being there they said the kids had to go and they weren’t serving us. Did I mention there was about 10 people total in the bar?

OK this place has good beer and PINBALL! Went last night and decided I will come every night I am here during the conference I am photographing. The machines are all LEs or have color DMDs and shakers and some have subs too. Pretty sweet lineup and they have some good beers on tap like Surly’s IPA!

Mortimer’s has a lot of fun pinball machines, and all-​day two for one drink specials. Those are its two redeeming qualities. It’s good if you have a large group of people who don’t mind shouting at each other over the din. Honestly though, there are tons of better places to bring your group.

If you’re looking for some trashy fun and don’t mind a disgusting bathroom, then this is your place. Best enjoyed ironically.
If I gave it more than one star I would be lying, but I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t have a blast.
My recommendation is that you have a few drinks before you arrive.

Oh God, Mort’s, please tell the dude who is manning the iPod to not play Journey’s «Don’t’ Stop Believin’» every hour. I think I’ll end up killing myself.
Nestled on Franklin and Lyndale, Mort’s is a classic dive bar, but differentiates itself from others since it’s not shoulder-​to-​shoulder crowded. The space is huge and holds plenty of games like buck hunter, pool, foosball, and darts. Drinks are cheap (it seems like there’s always 2−4-1s going on), and it’s cash only. The staff do their jobs well, considering the fact that they put up with a lot of crazies. Haha.
If you want to get cig, I suggest stumbling out onto the «patio» and bumming one off on the dude that’s always trying to holler at the one girl while having an in-​depth convo about life. (Not that I smoke or anything.) You know what I’m talking about, peeps. #questionablelifedecisions #tipsytyping
***Cue Def Leppard, «Pour Some Sugar on Me.”*** (I hate this song, too.)

I really like this place. Sure, there are iffy, but interesting people depending on when you go and sometimes the bartenders are lacking, but the happy hour prices and their food prices, in general, are great. You can get a burger with fries under 7 dollars here and it doesn’t taste like a boot! I really like it here. People watching is great.
FYI, it’s cash only!!!

It’s a fun place with a huge area to hang out. Plenty of interesting people watching.
What I didn’t like was the bartender in the little area with the stained glass. He started to come over to me a few times but then waited on other people that had JUST walked up! I was there for like 10 min before them! Waiting on a crowd is hard though, so I’m not gonna throw a fit about it. THEN he serves my buddy a COMPLETELY flat Miller Lite. You can tell the beer is weird just by looking at it, didn’t he notice when he poured it that there was no head??? It was a bubble void glass of piss water. We point out that the beer is bad and he’s just like «well do you want a bottle then?», not a «sorry» or anything. He didn’t even seem surprised…
I love a good dive bar, but nobody likes flat Miller Lite.

Fun dive bar. 2 for 1 drink specials are great. I went here for pinball, I think they had 5 games but they were really fun pinballs. Pinballs were in great working order and lighting was low which made it easier to play without all the reflections in some bars.
I met some fun locals and had a great time.

The main reason I love this bar is the people. Uptown is annoying because you can either go to the Calhoun bars and be surrounded by «hot» girls in their bandage dresses and their dbag boyfriends who cabbed all the way from Bloomington… or go to Lyndale and feel ashamed for not knowing Foucault’s theories of sexuality and liking Kanye West. Mortimer’s is not even a mesh between the uptown stereotypes, it has everyone. I feel like there is always random dorky older dudes who always are fun to talk to. Everyone is just trying to have fun and even though a lot of people do get pretty drunk here, no one is ever annoying. It’s a nice place to go where I don’t feel like I’m being judged, and I don’t feel like judging others either.
I like it because it is perfect for the low attention spanned individual, like myself. They have pinball, buckhunter, foosball, and darts. It’s never too dark or too loud either. They do have a jukebox, which I love especially because the random crowd always mixes up the music selection. You can go from Ice Cube to Bill Withers to Hall and Oats to Daft Punk.
Also, it’s cheap! The beers are small, I think 10 oz? But they are only like 3 dollars so get over it. The shots are also huge so be careful, unless you want to fall asleep in the bushes and get mugged. It definitely isn’t the safest area in uptown, especially with all the recent crime, but if you are not a drunk idiot and are good at hailing cabs it probably shouldn’t be an issue.

They don’t take cards so they can conceal their profits. They used to not card but the recent homicide might’ve caused them to change that policy.
Smells like the smoking era.
Dive Dive Dive.

I’m actually surprised the rating is so high for Mort’s. My 2 cents:
It’s dirty, it’s dark, and people have been killed getting in fights here.
In the words of Unilocal’s one star, «Eek! Methinks not.»

This is the sort of place that can only truly be appreciated by quality people. You know, the kind of people who don’t expect every place they go to feature Michelin star rated cusine and derrière kissing, corporate drone service. Salt of the earth folk should immediately come hither and love this place for what it is — a cheap drink and if you have a good attitude, a good time.
Oh yea, bring cash. They don’t take cards and the ATM isn’t THAT expensive, but you’ll save yourself the time and fee if you’re prepared.

Next time I lapse back into the guilt inspired by my Catholic upbringing I will hit the confessional and say: forgive me Father, for I have drank.
I always found the wine more tantalizing than the wafer, even during my very brief days as an altar boy. i love bars, brethren. LOVE them. Personally, a bar takes on greater stature the more authentically low down and improbable the ambiance and the clientele. I need to feel like I’m in a Raymond Carver story writ large. I need to feel like Reaganomics is still wreaking havoc on the souls of masses, and the key to a grand insight into the human condition lies within a big-​haired, tired-​eyed, world-​weary, stank dame’s drunken rant about the local news. Like the Good Lord, Mortimer’s provideth. And then some.
The drinks go for the right price. The regulars can take or leave you. The variety of pinball machines provide a sense of diversity even though, in the end, it’s all the same game.
This is a bar with a good, honest soul. Set up shop with a friend from 5 – 8 and lose yourself in debate about film, literature, politics, and which characters from Growing Pains, Who’s The Boss, and The Facts of Life you’ve always secretly wanted to sleep with.
Mona. Yeah, I said it. The original GILF.

Divey dive dive dive bar. I have a love/​hate relationship with Mort’s. Mostly love, though the cheap drinks do leave a lot of the patrons to be avoided, especially once Mort’s begins the time of the night where they offer a different shot for $ 1 every 15 minutes. It is dangerous and fun. Mostly dangerous. Scratch that, mostly fun.
Mort’s holds many fond memories for me; nights of dart throwing, Foosball winning (I’m pretty good, but only after a few of those cheap shots), Big Buck Hunting, pool shooting, drink having, and free popcorn eating. Despite how many grungy drunks I have to avoid at Mort’s, it will maintain a very special place in my heart.

2 for 1 happy hour, pinball, and free popcorn. Does life as we know it really need to exist outside those walls?
Get here while you can before the place becomes a condo tower.