Minnesota Vikings

Right after Blair Walsh missed the field goal, which would have given the Minnesota Vikings a lead over the Seattle Seahawks with only a few seconds left, my soul temporarily left my body and I felt entirely numb. Did the pain cripple me as bad as 1998, 2000, or 2009? Absolutely not. But if there’s one reason why I’m the heartless and pessimistic a**hole that I am today, it’s probably because I’ve endured decades of heartbreaking losses and embarrassment. Football parallels life; the game constantly reminds me, and Viking fans, that life isn’t fair. Following this team is also a lesson in coping with misery. So, to hell with Dr. Phil when you have the Minnesota Vikings.
Don’t understand how I feel? Imagine getting kicked in the balls by Jet Li. Then ran over by a Buick. Then force-​fed lutefisk. Maybe all at same time.
Anyways, even though God took another year or two off of my life today, I appreciate Mike Zimmer and his efforts to make 2015 a memorable year. Thanks, coach.
(Now eating his agony away with loads of beef con queso dip.)

The Minnesota Vikings. Skol NFC North Division
Unilocal Challenge ⁴⁹⁄₁₀₀
Fresh off the press: The Vikings have just signed OT Babatunde, a 6⁹ 351 lbs a Behemoth of a Man.
I won’t mention the Herschel Walker trade nor Joe Webb’s playoff performance.
I like the off-​season activities the Vikings made. Mike Wallace is now a Viking. He needs to play like he did for the Steelers. I also like Taylor Mays, I’ve been a fan of him going back to his USC days. The signing of Shaun Hill was a good one. Dude has been a starter for several teams (49ers, Lions & Rams) due to bad play and injury. I’m not really sold on Teddy Bridgewater. The Casey Matthews signing should add some depth to the linebacker unit.
So what’s going to happen with AP? Trade him to the Cardinals or Cowboys or does he stay? Paging NO# 26 Robert Smith, you retired very young are you available? If you guys do decide to keep AP, the good thing. His body had a year of recovery for anything, rest is good. Unless on the low low, he went James «Buster» Douglas on us and got all fat for his next fight. There is a thing called photo shop. :)
Hey it’s good seeing C.P.No#84 running up and down the field. It reminds me when Randy Moss was a Viking. It’s sucks that Daunte Culpepper tore his ACL in 2005. DC had a kick ass year in 2004, he just was never the same after his injury.
This year is pretty much going to revolve around Adrian Peterson. I for one, would like him to remain a Viking. It’s cool to see players stay with one team. But in today’s NFL, the Vets get jacked. So many teams trying to go younger and cheaper. Making it harder for players to stay on one team. It’s like you make to much and then you’re gone.
Well whatever you guys do, make sure to really have a plan B for the running back position.
Vincent D aka VD aka Vebola aka Vincent Vega.
Always, Enjoying the simple things in life.

If this team walked all over the lake-​infested MN terrain, they’d be renamed the Minnesota Hikings. Or if they used their cycles they’d be the Minnesota Bikings. If they were on facebook all day they’d be the Minnesota Likings. And if they met someone from MN who liked the Sacramento Kings, they’d say… Minnesota… Why Kings?
First-​Hand Experience: I have yet to see the Vikings play at home, but I have seen them play in both Chicago and Green Bay, live in person — and they lost both games. I’m no Vikings fan so I was fine with that. I just wish Moss would have won something here. They’re still a fun team to watch, sometimes. Not a fan of their colours though.
Now that I’ve seen every NFL team play live & been to every NFL stadium (current and former), time to review them on Unilocal!I love stadiums! I’ve been to every cool stadium in the UK & North America, due to my obsession with travel & sport. I’ve toured America as a musician for 7 years. In that time, I’ve seen sports games at (or visited when empty, or both) almost every major stadium in US and Canada. I have pictures of most which I’ll upload at some point. Also, on future travels, I plan to take new pix, and add more stadia! Watch this space!
***back to regular review***
I could easily give this team a 2 because they have been so so bad for so so long, but then I have to remember…
(a) They are harmless, and sweet.
(b) I don’t like purple, but they are way better than the other purple team, the Ravens
© People don’t give them any respect or credit
(d) They used to be called Purple People Eaters
(e) They gave Hank Stram and my beloved Chiefs their only Superbowl win
(f) They once had Randy Moss. Who was incredible
(g) I can’t think of anything else but yeah
So they’re my least fave team in the division but I can’t hate them. And they have Adrian Peterson! Which is cool! He’s awesome!
So yeah. 3 is a pretty good score. Unfortunate for them that I like all the other teams in this division slightly more (⁴⁄₅), so I’ll very rarely root for the Vikings. I do like Minnesota though. And if you’re ever in MN, make sure you hit up the Latin Market, an indoor place, on Lake Street. Get Tamales, Tacos, Pupusas. I forgot the real name of it. Lots of stalls in there. Also try the Gyro at Holy Lands in North Minneapolis. And then there’s the Malt Shop in SW Minneapolis, AMAZING banana malts. But the best one in the state is at Portland Malt Shoppe way up in Duluth, which is such a beautiful city.
Lake Superior is so beautiful!
Unfortunately if it were named after this football team, it would have to be named Lake Inferior.

I don’t really do the whole sports worship thing but a good deal of my friends do.
I’ve noticed a strange trend over the last few years amongst the whole lot of them: their physical statures have dramatically changed.
It started with a handful of them developing a slight hunch to their postures. I thought nothing of it, really – everyone slumps about from time to time – but their ailment soon became so progressed they’d nearly become quadrupeds.
What became of them, you ask?
They’re all paralyzed in the fetal position, embarrassingly sporting the purple and gold jerseys they’re all but physically incapable of removing.
I’ve come to deem this grotesque disease «Fragilipuss Denialus Vikingsblowitosis».
In addition to looking like a cluster of armadillos, their eyes are permanently laced with depressed moisture and they lowly murmur «Purple Jesus was supposed to be the light… supposed to be the light…».
In celebration of the American spirit, I’ve decided to do what everyone does and cash in on the tragedy.
So without further ado, here’s a poetic snippet:
_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​
Aubergine plight o’er the land,
Icy golden blood stains their hands.
Fumbling frantically, a guttural wail;
Slaughtered publically with no lust to prevail.
An army of men Purple Jesus doth create,
Diehard and loyal but entirely prostrate
In despair so lurid, to the heavens they proclaim,
«The fuck are you doing?! Fuck you, you’re all fucking lame.»

If you don’t like the team then don’t come here and bitch about them. If you can’t stand by them through the rough times then don’t stand by them at all. Do they disappoint… a lot? Yes but that is part of being a Vikings fan. It could be worse. They could be the Browns. The games are fun win or lose and the passion of the actual fans is awesome when you’re at the actual games. SKOL VIKES!

Can I review after the season is over? LOL

Seriously people? I get it. They aren’t the best team.
But it’s my team. They have definitely disappointed me several times to the point of tears. They have excited me to the point of peeing my pants. They have riled me up so much that I have lost my voice. It’s football. It’s an actual sport, yes. Sports entail winning and losing unless you are the Yankees spending more money than god inspring to assemble the perfect team rather than building camaraderie and skill. (Yet, I can’t ball up the hate for them as some of these no nonsense VIkings haters)
Losing is frustrating yes, but if your athletic talents start and end with how fast you can update your facebook; then maybe we shouldn’t be so darn critical.
Loyal #mnvikings fan living in Pandora’s Box with Elpis.

Rough years during the 70s tough championship games. Their best team was the 1998 team that should have went to the SuperBowl but bad luck on a perfect kicker that season. Choked in the 2000 NFC Championship game big time. Big moments, this team and franchise has just dropped the ball time after time after time.
Grade: D

They’re not the Broncos!

So, I am a Broncos fan through and through, but I have to say I really enjoyed going to the Vikes v. Broncos game recently — and not just because Denver came out on top! Teeeeboooow!
I am a football fan, so I love a good game. I really liked the Vikings fight song (or whatever it is when they score) with the guys coming out on the field with the flags. My hubby thought it seemed a little collegiate, but I like the vibe. Plus the horn that sounds when the Vikings score rocks — although we don’t want to hear it too much :)
Sure the Metrodome is a little old, but it give a intimate feel. It’s a good football club and I hope it says in MN! If the Broncos come back to face the Vikes, we will be there!

This team is disgusting.
I’m never spending any money on merchandise to support the Vikings in the 2011 season. I can’t think of any other way to communicate my hatred of our horrible season and miserable performance.
McNabb is the worst waste of money since I bought a Vikings shirt in the off-​season. DISGUSTING

As I was driving home from watching the Vikings give away the NFC Championship, I struggled to keep from swerving into oncoming traffic. This loss stung worse than watching the game at the Dome in 1998, when Denny took a knee, and Gary went wide.
Fortunately, my girlfriend was in the car and was able to persuade me that it was just a game, that it didn’t really matter. But I knew it mattered, that the hurt I felt was real. As I contemplated my pain, Keyshia Cole’s «I Remember» came on the radio, and she sang the thoughts in my mind. To the MN Vikings, here are Ms. Cole’s words that describe how I felt the night:
Where were you when I said I loved you?
And where were you when I cried at night?
Waiting up, couldn’t sleep without you.
Thinking of all the times we shared.
I remember when my heart broke.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn’t take no more of you.
I was sad and lonely.
I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I screamed I hated you.
But somehow deep inside still loving you.
Sad and lonely.
No one knew all the pain I went through.
All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.
Didn’t know where I would go, where I would be.
But you made me leave.
And plus my heart it just, it just kept telling me so.
I remember when I walked out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
My heart couldn’t take no more of you.
So sad and lonely, hey.
I remember when I stormed out.
I remember when I gave up loving you.
I was sad and lonely.

They used to be my fave NFL/​NFC team then they moved into a dome and lost that whole «no heaters on the sidelines» frozen tundra aura which has somehow swung Green Bay’s way again. The Purple Gang era was fantastic even if their undersized front four was the reason they got dominated at the line of scrimmage in the four Super Bowl losses. Still it was fun watching Joe Kapp run or Fran Tarkenton scramble back then.
Now, they play in a dome so really other than Minnesotans, who cares? Even if they switch to a retractable dome they are blowing a huge home advantage, the weather! They haven’t been back to Super Bowl since they moved indoors so I rest my case.

FUMBLITIS (fum-​bull-​eye-​tiss):
You won’t find «Fumblitis» in any medical journal, but it is an unfortunate ailment. It occurs in the fall along with the onset of winter, just like colds and the flu. It is a very series affliction, too, one that will bring migraine headaches to coaches and offensive coordinators. At times fumblitis can be fatal — to an offense. It will also turn wins into losses.
via

OMFG.
Did that really happen?
Really?
Hearts are broken.
Still love you, though.
Excuse me, I need to go cry now.

The googles says it’s 2,042 miles from my front door to your stadium yet somehow I can smell your epic fail from here.
How does it feel to have never won a Superbowl? I mean really, you made it 4 times and missed every. Single. Time. 30 years since your last trip *yawn*.
Picking up Favre on a desperate attempt to win something just to keep your fan’s attention, has it really come to that? I remember Jared Allen doing free commercials, begging for fans to buy tickets to the games. If the ticket sales dropped any further, the games wouldn’t even be on MN television…
It’s OK Vikings. Some teams are destined to be nothing more than stepping stones for true champions. Enjoy that bottom 50% of teams to have never won the big one, you’re among equals.

Through the Great years or the not so good years the Vikings are the Best! Year after year of great football entertainment with a great effort of top prospects and top notch veterans and doing what it takes to be a winning team win or loose they will always be the best and at least they are not the Packers!

Go Vikings!

5 stars for the team, minus 2 stars for the head coach :(.

My love story doesn’t even have a chapter in Minnesota or makes a reference to such place, but a part of my heart resides there.
My love of football began in a small little town called Orange– most widely known as Orange County. I was only 8 and I was a Rams fan from head to toes. In my eyes and most, the Rams should have been Called the Anaheim Rams, ’cause damnit, they played in Anahiem – Orange County!
A few chapters further down my life I found myself living in Washington State. Back then there was no NFL Sunday ticket or Sirius Radio, so chances that I would get the Anaheim Rams’ games was slim to no effen way.
The Seahawks sucked back then (and this season too), so I didn’t care much to watch them. Surprisingly, all the Viking games were broadcasted, and that is what I was forced to watch… thank gawd.
I became instantly attracted to the Purple and Gold. And who was this black quarterback? Warren Moon? He played for Udub? Amazing. The more I watched the more I fell in love with the team.
A long lineage of great minority quarterbacks from Joe Kapp, Warren Moon, Randall Cunningham and down to Daunte Culpepper.
We had many great years like who can forget 1998 with that explosive offense of Randall, Cris and Randy. *sigh*
’99, ’01 and ’03 were more years to remember. Especially ’03 when we met the Packers for the first time in playoff history and beat them.
We also had our disappointments and long weeping nights. Like ’98 when Gary Anderson after completing a perfect season missed a 38 yard FG in a dome to let the Falcons tie and then win the game.
Many more came after, but the more disappointments we had the more I loved my beloved Vikings.
Things are looking brighter with Adrian Peterson, but we have a long way to go and even longer if we don’t get a decent quarterback. We can’t run the ball forever.
See you next Sunday.