Middleburg Antique Emporium

Okay fellas, sit on down over there and listen to me… the unwisest wise man here in this musty dark room. What am I gonna talk about today? Well I’m gonna talk about how you can keep your lady happy. Now a few of you know by now that it doesn’t take money or fast cars to keep a REAL lady happy, it takes much more than that.
**cue in deep bass and slow heavy beats**
You see fellas, it takes some good slow luvin’. I’m not talking about the bumpin’ uglies type of luving or the «oh my God there’s foot prints on the ceiling» luvin’. I’m talking about some reeeeeeeeeeeeal good luvin to make your lady smile from ear to ear. That kind of luvin’ where she calls up her gal pals and tells them, «Oh my God, Antonio did this today!!»
Got your attention yet?
Well here’s the deal for making that magical luvin’ happen. Write this down son, you’ll need to study this later and there is a test (which will not be curved).
On a nice spring afternoon, take your lady to the Virginia countryside for an afternoon of fun. You make sure you buy your lady a nice finger lickin’ good lunch at the Pit Stop and then you pack her fine little apple bum-​bum in your cool ass minivan and head straight up the street to Middleburg. There, you’ll find a quaint little town with many great stores including this one; the Middleburg Antique Emporium.
You see fellas, women go apesh*t over things that we consider chatchki old girly antiquey stuff. They really really love this stuff and anything related to shopping. So what you do as the cool smooth lover is you tell your lady, «Hey babez, check out that store and make sure to take your time.» The entire time your woman is looking around, act interested but keep your distance and here’s THE most important part: NEVER rush her no matter how long she takes or how bored you may be.
HINT: In this day and age each man needs a fancy materialistic little phone with interwebz access. Why? Well it’ll help you pass the time while your lady enjoys herself as she searches through the various antiques. Because she’s having fun it may take a long time and your phone can provide some sanity as you surf for sports scores or just text your buddies with innapporiate un-​PC (but very funny) jokes.
See, my lady (the wife of wives and the mother of my monkeys) really enjoyed herself and had a great time looking through the many antiques on display at the Middleburg Antique Emporium. The bonus for me was that the place was clean and unlike other antique places, dust free and well organized. The well organized part really ended up helping me out by allowing the wife to quickly scan through the various items. All items were well marked with price tags so it cut down on the amount of time normally spent tracking down a sales associate, asking about the price and then having them research the price for said interested item. Kudos Middleburg Antiques!
At the end of the day you’ll be a hero as your lady will be happy that you brought her to such a fine little antique store. Yes, she’ll brag and will sing your praises to her friends and family. Remember, a happy lady makes for a happy man. Plus she may reward your luvin’ with a tasty cookie or other sweet treat (make sure to guide your lady to the Upper Crust bakery for some tasty cookies).
Yep fellas, take it from me the Fonzie of fat Daddies… that’s how you keep your lady happy and satisfied. Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Plus, i’ll do anything for a cookie.
:-)