Omega-3, Calcium, and Fiber White Wheat Wraps by Tam-x-íco’s!

One day, I realized I was sick and tired of eating boring tortillas. When I grilled a quesadilla or made a healthy lunchtime wrap, I didn’t want it to be average; I wanted it to be exceptional and exotic. I wanted – no, needed – a tortilla for the new era, an era of cultural pluralism and identities that are ultimately flexible. Tia Rosa was dead to me.
It was the package that first caught my eye, a colorful conflation of graphics, text, and so many exclamation marks I felt instantly enthusiastic! There, behind the overwrought plastic, was a tortilla unlike all the rest. In fact, it wasn’t a tortilla at all; it was a Omega-​3, Calcium, and Fiber White Wheat Wrap by ¡Tam-x-íco’s! Overwhelmed by conflicting emotions, I bought a package.
Tammy Young, founder of ¡Tam-x-íco’s!, is evidently in the throes of a midlife crisis. Like many other middle-​aged women, she’s suffering from a major identity meltdown. But, unlike other frustrated forty-​somethings, who express their rage by inflicting injury on husbands, luxury cars, expensive wardrobes, and small children, Ms. Young has turned her fury onto her tortillas. The result? Tammy’s tortillas are confused.
It’s their confusion that makes Wrap-​itz Omega-​3, Calcium, and Fiber White Wheat Wraps by ¡Tam-x-íco’s! so endearing. They are obviously bearing the brunt of many impossible questions. Are they white? Are they wheat? How the hell can they be both?
Just as I find comfort in Tammy’s tortillas, I find inspiration in ¡Tam-x-íco’s! Tammy. She continues to reinvent herself. Someday, Tammy’s legacy will reach across the nations, beyond drug lords and child prostitutes and border patrols and mariachi bands, past the great gulf and the Rio Grande, until the very name of Tammy is forever joined with the great country of M-​x-​íco itself. On that glorious day, Tammy will perform pure linguistic fusion, uniting her identity with that of Mexico in perfectly punctuated, admirably accented harmony.