Varanasi

Varanasi is closed.

I really wanted to like Varanasi, as South County just doesn’t have any Indian restaurants left, and it isn’t often enough that we get up to Providence. My wife and I ordered a few different things to share. Unfortunately, Varanasi did not meet our expectation with any of them.
The appetizers tasted like they’d come in a frozen value pack. They were only improved marginally by the chutneys. (The chutneys may have been the high point of the meal. There were quite a few and they were the freshest item there.)
My entrée, chana masala, tasted like canned chickpeas in Campbell’s Vegetarian Vegetable soup. No spice and very, very canned.
My wife’s chicken entrée was better in that it was edible, but not tasty, and not Indian.
The staff were friendly, hence the 2 stars, but we won’t return.

You know what broke this place for me? The disgusting thing they’re calling a samosa. I’m sorry — okay, I’m not. If you can’t make a samosa, you’re not an Indian place. Go away.
The «samosa» I got was PIZZA DOUGH filled — nearly empty — with a runny, unappealing combination of what appeared to be French onion soup and tiny pebbles of probably-​canned new potatoes. Yack. The palak paneer was not as terrible, but it wasn’t good, either. I’d not eat it again, and I didn’t bother to take home my leftovers.
Given that the prices were the same as or more than good Indian restaurants elsewhere, I would expect more. I can only imagine they’re taking advantage of being the ONLY Indian restaurant in the vicinity, but frankly? I wish they’d close and leave the space open for something that might be more edible.

I SO want to love this place. I really do. The fact that I am willing to return repeatedly shows how desperate I am to love this place.
Unfortunately, it’s just mediocre.
Now, my service has been pretty darned good, except for the time I ordered something vegan and was served a chicken dish. I am pretty sure it was an honest mistake, and the cook was awesome about getting me a replacement meal. It’s just that there doesn’t seem to be many fresh veggies in anything.
It is rather expensive, although I end up with a lot of food. Perhaps offering two sizes of meals would be nice, one with a lower price point.
Offering a bread that doesn’t come from a bag would be a step up, and the appetizers need some serious help. Those improvements would definitely add a star or two.

I really wanted to like Varanasi. I drive my husband to work at URI every so often, and it would be lovely to be able to get delicious Indian food for lunch while there.
Here’s the breakdown:
Service: 3 stars. The staff was nice — pretty clearly they were college kids. The service was good considering that it’s mostly a takeout place. But the prices were the same as (or more than! given that it was lunchtime) regular full-​service restaurants… so that would be the kind of service one would expect while paying these prices.
Ambiance: 4 stars. It’s pretty darn cute in there. Bright colors, nice artwork. I liked it. It was laid back and unpretentious and cool. Minus one star for playing oldtime American Jazz… what? This made no sense… except that it added to the hipsterish feel of the place.
Food: Can I give zero stars? I suppose I will give one half star for portion size. The portions are huge. However… what that means is you leave a huge amount of food behind and feel ridiculously wasteful. You’re certainly not going to take your leftovers from here home, because they’re way worse than what you would make on your own at home. Here are the three things I had:
Vegetable Pakoras: I was confused when these were presented. Why were charcoal briquettes served when I ordered pakoras? They asked if I wanted chutney, I said tamarind would be awesome (maybe if I drowned them in my favorite condiment, they wouldn’t taste like charcoal), but they didn’t have it… so I dipped them in raita. Weird but it kind of worked. KIND OF. Until I bit all the way into one. These were charcoal on the outside and slime on the inside. There was no part whatsoever of these that was properly cooked. The inside seemed to be a mix of hummus and saag… There were no vegetable pieces recognizable in there except some little tiny squares of onion. When I first tried (and failed) to make pakoras at home, I venture to say mine were at least ten times better than this. Ones served in most restaurants are infinitely better than these and not even a valid point for comparison.
Chicken Tikka Masala: Without a question the worst chicken tikka masala I’ve ever had in my life. This is a canned sauce — it’s quite obvious (it’s interesting how obvious it is to other reviewers, too… I think maybe we’ve all bought this sauce at the grocery store — and probably were disappointed and never bought it again). I asked for mine medium spicy, so I think they added some hot pepper to it. The flavors did not meld together well at all — there was very little flavor to be melding anyway. The chicken was clearly not chicken tikka (read what chicken tikka should be here:
… that gets the general point across). It was instead pan fried on the stovetop and then mixed in with (but not allowed to actually cook in) the sauce. The sauce was horrible *and* the chicken was horrible… it was super disappointing. Again those tiny little squares of onion were the only thing redeeming it (and not by much). I will say one thing — the portions are INSANE. I was presented with a giant bowl like one would expect to be served a huge bowl of noodle soup or something… except it was filled to the brim with rice, sauce, and chicken. It was at least five times as much as one person should eat for a meal. So I left four fifths of it behind. I really could not justify bringing the rest home with me to eat later… I am a frugal person, but it was just that bad.
Chai: This was just Stash bagged chai… okay, they didn’t mess this up — the water was hot, the teabag was in the water. They offered me cream or milk for it, and the cream was quite fresh and good. They didn’t offer sugar, which I thought odd, but also was fine with since I don’t add sugar to tea anyway. I suppose that if I had gone there for chai, the chai would get three stars.
But I went there to eat, and hold to my zero-​to-​one food star rating.
I am sad that I wasted over $ 16 on this horrible meal. At International Pocket across the way, I would’ve paid half, gotten dessert for free to boot, and been a very happy camper. I will never stray from you again, International Pocket!

Varanasi is a new Indian restaurant, owned by the guy who runs Markos Kabob over in Narragansett. I really like Markos Kabab, but this place, not so much.
We got some take-​out tonight, with an order of Varanasi Masala, Chana something-​or-​other, an order of pakora, and an order of samosa. There was also an order of plain naan.
The masala was a coconut and chicken dish with rice, and the Chana dish was chickpeas and rice in a nice sauce. Both of these were fairly tasty, although there was very little chicken in the masala.
The pakora were 5 lumpy, very greasy, and overly mushy things that were not very good. The samosa was one big mushy greasy fried disaster. I am pretty certain that both items were frozen and not fresh made. Which leads to the naan.
The naan was disgraceful. I swear, it’s pre-​packaged, and tasted like styrofoam. To call this naan is an insult to real Indian cooking.
Overall, while the main dishes were OK, not really any better than that, the whole thing feels processed and definitely not restaurant-​made. Really too bad, considering how good I think his other restaurant is. This place feels more like an afterthought than a passion, and that’s never going to cut it in the restaurant world.