Quality Candy Shoppes

HOME OF «LAX-​I-​CANDY!»
(Admit it, you want to know what it is)
[Skip right to the bottom for my favorite: «Lax-​I-​Candy”]
Okay, everybody knows that Quality Candy rests on its reptuation as in iconic bastion of flavorful chocolates and fresh popcorn, cheese corn, and carmel corn. Seriously, if you haven’t tried the above-​mentioned treats, then you need to add Quaulity Candy to your bucket list. For the holidays, you can count on Quality Candy for holiday-​themed chocolate figurines, easter baskets, gift boxes, and wrapped foil chocolates in virtually every shape, color, and flavor.
But, Quality Candy is my source for a little gem of a treat I have appropriately named Lax-​I-​Candy. In fact, I am so awe-​struck with its greatness, that it inspired me to write a little song (albeit, a crude one) at the end of this review.
WHAT IT IS: It’s a laxitive. It’s a candy. It’s two, two, two treats in one! It’s a hard candy that tastes great, and comes in several flavors. It’s sugar-​free and therefore does not promote tooth decay. So mom, it’s okay to give to your kids – IN MODERATION!
WHAT IT DOES: Well, besides tasting abso-​friggin-​lutely delicious, it can relieve you of a few of those extra holiday pounds if you choose to ignore the warning on the label. Ladies, you can appreciate losing a dress size in one sitting. But even gents like myself might want to slim down for an upcoming date. Combine it with a sports drink, and BAM, you’re back in those skinny jeans.
Now, the song:
Lax-​i-​candy, you’re the best!,
put you to the weight loss test;
Lax-​i-​candy, could it be,
you could be the death of me?;
Lax-​i-​candy, made in France,
do the sacred poo-​poo dance;
Lax-​i-​candy, take a chance,
just don’t fart, you’ll soil your pants!
Well, you have to have a certain sense of humor to appreciate it. Have a great day, everyone!