United Cafe Coney Island

Unfortunately, this is the closest Coney Island to me and I’ve been forced to give them business on my lazier days. My daughter loves this place. My daughter also has no concept of money or customer service. She did get a few scares this summer from the rats frolliking near their dumpster where trash was thrown on the ground.
I know that this location is close to a casino and their higher prices are probably a result of that, but for the poor customer service and low quality food, it isn’t worth it. They are taking advantage of the fact that they are the neighborhoods only restaurant, plain and simple. Downtown Coney Islands are $ 2 – 3 dollars cheaper.
I’ve had several items off their menu. Their fries are consistently not fresh. And don’t make the error of getting a chili fry because they will quickly throw old fries under that chili and argue you down at the window trying to convince you that stale is the new fresh.
The staff NEVER admits errors and this more than anything irks me the most. I don’t enjoy wasting gas driving to this restaurant to pay for my order, only to get home to find they have made an error on my order. And they are not apologetic. In fact, they are confrontational and place the blame on the customer.
Occasionally, I’ve had to go inside to place or pick up an order because their drive-​through is very slow. Inside, people are begging for food and spare change. One lady said she had been just released from the hospital and asked my daughter if she could get some money for the bus or for a hot dog.
My last trip here, the woman at the window spilled the drink of the car in front of me. Do you think she cleaned that up by the time I was ready to pay for my order? Nope. I purposely set my credit card as far from the mess as possible. Yet, she placed my order and my card in the mess. When I asked for her to wipe off my order and card, she threw napkins through the window and went inside to take an order.
The only thing I’ve seen them do consistently well is look after their pens. Apparently, people are always stealing them. So, they consistently remind you to return the pen. «Hey, who cares if your order is right, but dangit we need our pen.»

One rainy Friday evening, I was helplessly charmed by the faded painting of a giant smiling hot dog casually lounging on a hot dog bun, covered in mustard lotion and working on his oven tan. I’m not particularly good at eating hot dogs, but I was running late and would do anything to escape the burger invasion of Corktown on the other side of the expressway.
Regret washed over me immediately like a shower of processed meat juice, so I quickly ordered a side salad to crunch it down with. Let’s call it the «Dog n’ Garden» special, a health-​neutral choice.
So my «Dog n’ Garden» special came out to just under 7 bucks, which I thought was steep for the run-​down Briggs (North Corktown) neighborhood, but given the cleanliness of the bulletproof glass and the recently renovated and tastefully midscale diner décor (soft overhead light, marble-​trimmed windowsills, hard wood window frames, cool blue light stripes along the ceiling) I could at least see where the money was going. Much nicer on the inside than on the outside.
So in walks this dude in a scene that could’ve been straight out of Gran Torino, «What’s up Jeff*» he addresses one of the cooks with classic Detroit-​style faux-​confrontational warmth, «you crystal ball bald mother&$^r!»
At some point, the dialogue got a bit less warm beginning with, «Y’all got the VIP prices now,» and gradually getting a little rougher, «I don’t care if you don’t set the prices, you work here,» etc. and eventually the manager led him into a separate room to finish the debate in private.
So yeah, overpriced for the neighborhood, but there aren’t many choices in the area for fast downscale dining.
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*name altered for confidentiality
**hopefully my tangent distracted you from your expectation of me writing about the actual food, but here it is: hot dog, edible; garden salad, mostly fresh iceberg lettuce under a blanket of cheese. A-​ok.

This place is about as typical «Detroit» as you can get. What makes it great is that it’s open 24 hours and has a drive thru! So if strangers and bullet proof glass make you uncomfortable, order from your car.
I recommend ordering the chicken salad with extra pita bread. You get the same ingredients as a chicken pita sandwich. However, you get more than enough of them to make 2 sandwiches for less $. Oh and the salad comes with a hard boiled egg.
I would give an extra star but I only ever order one thing so I can’t really comment on the rest of the extensive menu. It’s greasy spoon/​coney/​sandwiches/​burgers… not really the point though. The point is it has a 24 drive thru!!!