Mo Fun Parks

I LOVE Washington State Park. I haven’t been in quite some time so my boyfriend and I packed up our 4 kids and stayed in the cabins for a few days. From the minute we arrived to the moment we left we were met with hospitality, kindness, helpfulness and all done with a SMILE. I believe the man that runs the place is named Earl. Earl… YOU ROCK. The lifeguards at the pool were wonderful with one of my kids who was scared to go down the water slide. The lifeguard volunteered to go down it with her until she was comfortable with it. MO FUN PARKS and the people who run it truly enjoy their jobs. My family and I can’t WAIT to go back and are already planning a fall season trip to the cabins! See you all soon!

This is a review of Mo Fun Parks. Basically, this 3^rd party company provides extra services at Washington State Park, Pomme de Terre, and Big Lake Resort.
When in Missouri, do as the Missourians do. So I decided to scratch one off the bucket list and head down for a float trip.
We show up at 9 AM. We had been instructed to arrive 30 minutes prior to our float (8:30). When we arrived, they said they probably wouldn’t open until 9:30. Okay, fine, you’re on some sort of «I live at a state park and don’t own a watch anymore» time. I get it. So about 9:30 the shuttle finally picks us up. My friend took my credit card inside to start the process of signing up as I finished up getting the car packed and told her I would be right in. She came back I was shocked to learn that 1.) They let her use my credit card, which requires an ID. 2) They didn’t get HER ID. 3) She signed a waiver, but I was never given a waiver, IDed, or made to sign anything. Now I understand that if a company is just renting out tubes, they have limited responsibility. But this company doesn’t just rent out tubes. They give you a tube and then take you to the middle of BF Nowhere and drop you off. This company is the most irresponsible company I’ve ever dealt with. They truly do not care about the safety of their customers.
When the guy dropped us off, we said, so it’s only a 3 mile float (listed on the website as «the short float»), that’s like what, an hour or two? The guy hesitated and was like, «Meh, takes most people 5 hours.» My friend and I laughed. Awkward silence. Pivotal moment. Not for one second did we think this man was serious. This man did not know if we had any floating experience, and could see that we were only anticipating this float to last an hour or two. HE should have stepped in. We had NO supplies whatsoever. It was 100 degrees out. We were obviously not prepared. He dropped us in the middle of BFE anyway.
Thinking this guy was joking, or thinking the people who go on this float trip are probably super wasted and just take their time, we embarked on our float on the «Big River».
Now I haven’t looked it up, but I think there are both depth and current requirements for a body of water to qualify as a river. You know how a person can drown in just two inches of water? Yeah, you couldn’t drown in Big River. Also, there was literally no current for 95% of our float. In fact, when the wind picked up, we actually went backwards. I swear to God. So we did a lot of arm paddling off the side of the tubes. OVER 60% of the float it was too shallow to even float and we dragged ass on the bottom of the «river» and had to get up and walk. During a float you might expect some of that, but this was totally ridic. For a company to sell this as a float trip was a complete scam. In no way was this a float trip.
The worst part of the experience? Despite constant paddling the entire time, it took us over 7 hours. There is NO WAY we went slower than an average person. We weren’t even drinking! 7 hours in 100 degree heat, with no clothes to cover us. My buddy wore no sunscreen. We both got dangerously burned. We also had barely eaten, did not bring food, and I had a severe low blood sugar attack. We were completely dehydrated and miserable. Also, we had no idea where we were or a concept of time or distance, so for the last 4 HOURS we kept thinking it was about to be over. If that wasn’t enough, there was a really bad rain storm complete with lightning, which forced us to get out. The storm wasn’t this company’s fault, but I had tried to ask the guy before the trip what we should do if one of the tubes popped or there were an emergency. He acted like I was a moron and said the tubes couldn’t pop b/​c they were made out of real tires. Yeah. Tires never pop. Anyway, we had to get out during the storm, and I lost my shoes in quicksand-​like mud. 2 hours of walking BAREFOOT on sharp rocks? HORRIFIC. Thank God nothing worse happened to us.
Bottom line is this:
1. I wonder if we had never come back if this company would have noticed or cared?
2. This company should never let people «float» down this river, at least when it is this low. IMO, they have a responsibility to know the conditions of the river before they send people out.
3. They should make people aware of the details of the trip up front. Even when we asked, he wasn’t up front, and it was also too late for us to turn back.
4. I think their punishment for being such horrible people should be to have to go on this fucking float trip.