Kings Cabaret

Here’s the thing about Kings Cabaret, it has the worst reputation of any strip club in the DFW area. Like people will literally say don’t go. But the cover was only 5 dollars so I figured why not. Free parking and only 5 bucks to get in so I was already up 20 vs Pandoras. I walked in, they had 2 TVs showing sports. It was 9 on a Tuesday so no one was on stage yet. I sit down and the waitress asks me would I like anything, I decline and right away a Black stripper comes out, not very attractive. But another mixed stripper comes put of the back and gives me a crazy dance for 20 bucks, I did not have to go to VIP as I’ve seen someone complain about this club before. I was impressed and then her friend came over and basically gave me a free dance to entice me to buy one. Really cheap and fun club, I think this club is more honest than say Pandoras, it’s a grimey club that doesn’t pretend it’s not.

Wow, bad, and not in a good way.
Was close to hotel, so I said why not.
5 dollar cover, bunch of seedy characters outside.
On entering your met with the typical seedy strip club environment, and the eventual let down compared to what your mind pictured.
Alright, so I grab a beer from the troll bartender, the two girls sitting at bar could be linebackers. Hmmm, starting to worry.
Sit down at a table and stare at the empty stage, 3 songs later a stripper finally comes out.
She is a solid 4, girl next door look, a bit chubby. She flops around the stage for half a song then gets down to talk to a regular.
Finally talk to a stripper, there are 2 girls working, dances are high mileage but 20 bucks. VIP section is 10, required for a dance…
My advice, drive into city…

My buddy drags me in here telling me this is where most strippers finish out there careers. This place has been around for years and was always popular with a much older crowd. The old school folks from oak cliff, east Dallas loved this place. I can’t really figure out just why? Maybe they made stiff drinks or they were simply too wasted to notice just how foul these women looked. I can’t imagine dropping $$ in a nice ladies drawers when her belly is so large you can’t tell what drawers she is wearing. I mean we are talking hardcore foul looking ladies.
Those poor ladies have slipped into the abyss of working at cole manor of strip clubs. I know they are now closer to the design district. I know not many of those people have any interest in visiting a place like this. I could barely see for the next few days after going there. The visions of really rough looking women trying to gyrate their goods everywhere. It was awful watching a woman dance then stop and her body was moving even though she was standing still.

WOW. Where do I begin. Well for starters, since they remodeled it a few years back, they finally got some human looking girls in here. It’s a sleaze pot don’t get me wrong, but it used to be a LOT worse. Back in the day you couldn’t even tell if the girls were human or not. Lots of gigantic bitches in yesteryear. Thank God they cleaned it up. The bartender is cool as shit in here. The staff is very friendly. I wouldn’t use the bathroom in here though. I never pay when I go here. I only go with my friend and former boss who loves this place. He always pays. We usually go after the Stars games. Cracks me up. Ok now onto my favorite and the most infamous Kings Lounge story of all time. It is approximately 2002 maybe 2003. I go to the Kings Lounge with Paul (my friend and former boss) and John Noble (resident moron and my ex-​college roommate). Mr Noble is not the brightest guy in the world but I still love him. So we’re enjoying ourselves inside this fine establishment and I notice after about 10 – 15 minutes that Mr. Noble is nowhere to be found. I don’t think much of it and continue enjoying my drink. Upon realizing nature’s call I enter the bathroom of the Kings Lounge. Upon opening the door I find Mr. Noble sitting bare ass on the toilet in a doorless stall taking a full on shit. I can’t explain how nasty the bathroom is here. There are wooden boxes built around the urinal flush handles with holes cut in them and it’s dark inside. For no reason. Needless to say they don’t get flushed much. He’s in there taking a shit with no lock on the door and no door on the stall he’s in. No ass gasket… just bare ass on the toilet. I told him between fits of laughter that untold scores of Mexicans had jacked off all over the seat that he was now sitting bare assed on. Unbelievable. It is a good story though. Kings Lounge is great though… go in for a few laughs. Look for another review of Mr. Noble when I review Baby Dolls on Green Oaks on the border of Euless and Arlington.