Backdoor Burritos

Honestly, what the hell do I have to do to get beat up in this town? It’s 2am on a Friday night. I’m dressed up in full Michigan State regalia after watching my beloved «B1G» Champion and NCAA #1 seeded Spartans take care of business in the first round of the tournament. I’m hungry. and I decide I don’t feel like gargling Slut Sauce tonight… I need another option. That may not be you. That’s fine. You may be a 20 year old co-​ed with a fake-​ID. You may be a fan of the #2 seeded Bucks. You may be one of those sad-​sack contrarian Columbus natives who root for the Wolverines and are all moapy because you got pwn’d by OU. (I draw strength from your tears) You may be one of Columbus’ finest patrolling a target rich environment (seriously guys, you could make a career over here). That’s cool. I respect your individual lifestyle choices. We can all have a warm meal by easing slowly, carefully and tenderly into Backdoor Burritos.
The menu is simple. Choose your favorite type of dead animal (thank you) from the short list and then in a drunken stupor just mutter something about «all of the things» to round out your nosh. You’ll get some rice, black beans, some other stuff and a delicious spicy saussss. You’ll get a substantial and tasty meal perfect for soaking up your sissy Appletinis.
After that lean up against the wall and enjoy the show. I saw several plastered meat-​heads almost get their heads punchicized. for free. I saw a couple of underdressed young ladies almost make a baby with the romantic fellas they fell in love with (and met) 10 minutes ago. (deeply moving) Then there were the other assorted tranqs, loboes and zip-​heads. Great fun. In the end, I realized I was the bizarre freak of the area. I was stone cold sober.
Unless you’re one of the undead masses tumbling out of the bar next door, good luck happening upon this joint. It’s a shelf in an alley. Apparently you can start a food service business with the coins you found in your couch cushions. (after you burned it when you lost to Michigan State in football too). They are America, and you can too.

This place is heavenly! Last night I was out in the Short North and texting a friend saying about how much I really wanted to get some late night food as he has also been out in the Short North. He then told me about this place called «Backdoor Burrito.» Sounded pretty sketchy to me at first as I had never heard of it. Anyways he was able to successfully direct me there from my location — go north on High, be on the left side of the street, and just before Hubbard Grille turn left that the driveway and walk back and you’ll see a little makeshift stand coming out of a doorway. If you’re familiar w/​where the restaurant «Da Levee» is or where Axis is, you already are better off than I was. I dragged a friend with me which really wasn’t that difficult due to her level of intoxication exceeding mine– «let’s go get burritos!!!» «OK!!» Now, on the freezing walk there it was hard not to give into the multiple gyros stands AND pizza truck that we passed but I was committed to finding this burrito joint and I was glad I held it out.
Ordering is very simple — there’s only a couple of burrito options. We both went w/​the chicken burrito, aka the King Cock, at $ 6 a piece. Obviously this makes for lots of drunk joking with the guy manning the stand and luckily he’ll play along. In fact the guys that work here are pretty easy on the eyes as well as very nice. Anyways, it didn’t take too long to get our burritos as they’re made to order. He guy even went back downstairs to get me a little to-​go plastic cup so I could fill it up w/​some srichacha sauce they had (for some odd reason I’ve never had it before but always wanted to try it). I was worried our burritos were going to be cold by the time we got home, as it was 20 degrees outside. However, they were surprisingly very warm still as they had double wrapped them in foil. First off, these burritos were huge and weighty — like Chipotle style. However, that’s where all similarities end. This was by far one of the best tasting burritos I have ever had and it wasn’t just because I was drunk. I would totally eat a burrito from here sober. What makes their burritos stand apart from the rest is the chicken is slow cook pulled chicken style — so good! The burrito was also packed w/​rice, black beans, and cheese (or maybe a cheesy sauce — I’m not sure) and you get a little bit of everything in each bite. At first I was a little bummed there wasn’t the usual salsa type stuff or lettuce, but honestly these burritos don’t need it. It’s important to note the burritos definitely pack some heat at what I would say is at least a medium spice level. I couldn’t tell where the spice was coming from or what was used. This, however, did not deter me from placing dabs of srichacha sauce on each bite. Mmmmm! I had no problem devouring the entire burrito in about 5 minutes flat. It was great! I read online their hours are currently midnight-​3am and only open Friday and Saturday. Hopefully they’re able to extend their hours so that it could be a viable quick late night dinner pick-​up place. Seriously scout this place out next time you’re in the SN, especially if you’re tired of eating crappy gyros.